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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my DH BU for making the neighbour wash his dog's piss off our car?

385 replies

Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 13:03

We have a neighbour about 4 doors away who has several dogs and is often seen walking past our house taking his dogs out. He's never spoken to us since we moved here 3 years ago, never smiled back, and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement. He does seem to talk to some of the other neighbours

A few weeks ago both DH and I were at home during the day, when said neighbour walked one of his dogs past. We just happened to be looking out the front window (as you do when you notice someone walking past), when we saw the dog lifting his leg and pissing against one of our rear car wheels and the bottom part of the bumper . The neighbour didn't seem to make any attempt to tug at his collar, he just carried on looking at the pavement, and so the dog carried on until he was finished. The neighbour then proceeded to carry on with his walk.

DH's instant reaction was to knock on the window to stop the neighbour from walking on, and gestured to him (like a "what are you doing" kind of gesture), he then went outside while I stayed inside.

I saw them have a few words, which was DH pointing at the car and not looking very happy, the neighbour appeared to be shrugging but apologising, and then went back to the direction of his house.

DH came back in and said that he politely asked him to make sure his dog doesn't do his business on our car again and that he wants it washing off. I'm not as assertive as DH so I told him that it wasn't necesssary to get him to wash it off, as long as he tries to not let his dog do it again, but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush.
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Could I kindly just ask for the general consensus of who WBU here, should my DH not have said anything and/or not asked him to wash it off? I said to my DH that maybe he felt humiliated but DH said that it's arrogant of him to think his dog can piss where ever he likes and not accept the consequences if it's against someone else's personal property.

OP posts:
SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 06:51

If someone told me to clean their car because my dog had weed on it,I'd tell them to piss off (and walk away believing they were a tad unhinged). Cars drive through all sorts of crap. If you're that precious clean it your bliddy self.

Babbitywabbit · 04/07/2017 06:58

Very few people have actually said it's acceptable for a dog to piss on a car. However, various people piped up about wild birds leaving droppings, which blurs the argument by implying that because cars get dirty through all sorts of random stuff, it's somehow 'not that bad' to allow your pet dog to cock it's leg against it.

Quite frankly it's fucking bad manners to choose to have a pet and then let it piss on someone's property. End of. Anyone in sole charge of a dog should have the basic social awareness/ common sense to realise that.

I repeat, husband is a dickhead but so is the neighbour

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:01

I wouldn't deliberately let my dog wee on a car however he's very poorly and if he started to do it I wouldn't yank him away, he's unsteady and he'd probably fall over and could hurt himself. Not sure if this is the case for the neighbour but is it definitely not?
I wouldn't care if I saw it happen to my car. But if I did I'd probably tut and give it a quick rinse, not March off and demand the owner cleans it (and please bring his wife ;) )
Way to build bad relations!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/07/2017 07:03

can;t believe people are says he's bu for not wanting neighbour dog to use his property as a toilet and making him clear up after his pet he was in control of and let it do this

Did you even read the thread? Neighbour unreasonable for not pulling dog back.

Husband lording it over him and his wife whilst they cleaned it off, AND saying he wouldn't have made him do it if dog neigjbour acknowledged lord muck from four doors down occasionally. Of course he's an unreasonable dick. HTH.

strikealight · 04/07/2017 07:16

Vernon Dursley lives among us.

monkeymamma · 04/07/2017 07:30

This is ridiculous of course your DH wasn't BU! Why should your neighbour be allowed to go around letting his dog piss up against other people's property!? "OK but don't do it again" is what you say to toddlers. Not adults who are happily defacing another person's car. I wouldn't give a fuck if he never speaks to you again, better that than he's letting his animal urinate all over your stuff.
A builder let his dog shit all over the front flower bed of our new (brand new new build) house as he wasn't on any kind of lead and was just running all over the place wherever he felt like (big weapon dog style dog). I was 9 months pregnant (nearly 10 iirc) and not to be fucked about with. I called the build firm and they sent builder over to remove shit and all the bark chips the shit had touched. It's not my choice to keep animals in my home, I shouldn't have other people's choices forced on me (nor should OP's DH. Comments about him being precious about his motor are uncalled for).

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/07/2017 07:39

I'm just wondering what people's reactions would be if my just-out-of-nappies dc was caught short when we were out and I let him/her go on someone's car on their drive/outside their house. Would you want/expect/tell me to clean it up?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/07/2017 07:40

(if it was your car?)

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:40

Shit is different. Dangerous/messy and can end up on your shoes /clothes. And illegal to not clear up. Not a good comparison. If a dog crap somewhere of course clear it up.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/07/2017 07:42

I think your DH was ridiculous to insist it be washed off. An apology was more than enough, he sounds like a bully and self righteous twat
I agree.

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:43

Do you mean if your dc just pulled their pants down and started going for it on a car (like a dog does,minus the pants ) or if your dc said 'mummy I need a wee' and you guided them to a car and said 'hey this is a good spot, go for it right on that bumper !" Hetero ? Wink

KoalaDownUnder · 04/07/2017 07:43

Hetero Huh?

You do know that dogs wee on things to mark their territory, right? Children don't do that. So I'd think you were unhinged if you deliberately pointed your child at my tyre. Grin

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2017 07:45

OP's DH deserves a Public Service Award

What a ridiculous response. The pee will cause no damage, and sensing weakness in another person, and believing someone doesn't like you because they don't say hello, is deeply unattractive traits in a human,

For my money the wife came too because the guy had anxiety.

Everyone agrees the guy shouldn't have let the dog pee there, not because of damage, but because it's anti social, albeit harmless. However his crime pales into insignificance compared to the bully boy everyone hates me husband.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/07/2017 07:46

I'm just wondering what people's reactions would be if my just-out-of-nappies dc was caught short when we were out and I let him/her go on someone's car on their drive/outside their house. Would you want/expect/tell me to clean it up?I'm just wondering what people's reactions would be if my just-out-of-nappies dc was caught short when we were out and I let him/her go on someone's car on their drive/outside their house. Would you want/expect/tell me to clean it up?

Do you mean a wee? Well it haooend a few times around here with us being surrounded by several nurses. Weirdly enough I've never gone out and bollocked the mother because not an entitled knob who thinks the world owes them something.

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:46

My point too Koala although you put it better!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/07/2017 07:48

Not adults who are happily defacing another persons car

Gosh I must have missed the bit where dogwalker grafittied all over the DHs car. Hmm

Don't be so ridiculous.

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:49

Likely true bluntness. Rightly or wrongly he probably wouldn't imagine he'd done anything to anger someone and maybe he was mortified but didn't want to drag his dog forcefully once he realised what it was doing (you can't always tell when a dog's about to mark, it can be very sudden).

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/07/2017 07:50

Surely this is the point? Surely a dog owner can tell when the dog is about to go somewhere (I can tell watching dogs when out and I don't even have a dog) and can pull the dog away in time?

But anyway, my dc's wee is on your car, do you make me clean it up?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/07/2017 07:50

*nurseries not nurses!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/07/2017 07:52

Or, similar question put differently, it's OK for a dog to merrily wee on whatever it likes - someone's bag/picnic blanket in the park, someone's dc sitting on the grass (and I have heard of all these things happening) - and the owner owes no reparation whatsoever? Where's the line?

DixieNormas · 04/07/2017 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 07:58

You can't always tell with a male dog, no. They cock their leg up all of a sudden often or at least every one I've had has.
And no, if you dc did what a leashed dog does and suddenly pulled away from you (fresh our of nappies I would assume holding your hand), and Cocked their leg up against my car impersonating a dog, and weed I would not ask you to clean it up. I imagine their aim wouldn't be all that great in that position so wee damage would be minimal Grin

SpikyCoconut · 04/07/2017 08:01

Bag/picnicplanket/person no of course not okay. A bit of wee on a car will trickle down and be washed off in weather before long . Not the same as any of the above. Of course I'd expect to have to compensate someone if my dog did that, but none of them ever have. Walking down a street I don't remember my dogs pissing on any cars but they've done it against walls/fences/bins etc. It's fairly normal for a dog to mark whilst strolling on a leash. Running up to someone/something to do it isn't normal behaviour for a dog so far more unlikely

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/07/2017 08:02

someone's dc sitting on the grass (and I have heard of all these things happening) - and the owner owes no reparation whatsoever? Where's the line?

When was the OPs DH eating a picnic of his car tyre?

The two things aren't remotely comparable. OPs DH still U.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/07/2017 08:02
Grin

9 times out of 10 when I see a bouncy-ish dog (the more laid-back ones less often, not sure why) going up/pulling on the lead to sniff at things it then wees. Tbh i assumed owners had a measure of control, but if that's really not the case I revise my opinion (slightly Grin ).