Was my DH BU for making the neighbour wash his dog's piss off our car?

[Worriedaboutsmear]

We have a neighbour about 4 doors away who has several dogs and is often seen walking past our house taking his dogs out. He's never spoken to us since we moved here 3 years ago, never smiled back, and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement. He does seem to talk to some of the other neighbours

A few weeks ago both DH and I were at home during the day, when said neighbour walked one of his dogs past. We just happened to be looking out the front window (as you do when you notice someone walking past), when we saw the dog lifting his leg and pissing against one of our rear car wheels and the bottom part of the bumper . The neighbour didn't seem to make any attempt to tug at his collar, he just carried on looking at the pavement, and so the dog carried on until he was finished. The neighbour then proceeded to carry on with his walk.

DH's instant reaction was to knock on the window to stop the neighbour from walking on, and gestured to him (like a "what are you doing" kind of gesture), he then went outside while I stayed inside.

I saw them have a few words, which was DH pointing at the car and not looking very happy, the neighbour appeared to be shrugging but apologising, and then went back to the direction of his house.

DH came back in and said that he politely asked him to make sure his dog doesn't do his business on our car again and that he wants it washing off. I'm not as assertive as DH so I told him that it wasn't necesssary to get him to wash it off, as long as he tries to not let his dog do it again, but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush.
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Could I kindly just ask for the general consensus of who WBU here, should my DH not have said anything and/or not asked him to wash it off? I said to my DH that maybe he felt humiliated but DH said that it's arrogant of him to think his dog can piss where ever he likes and not accept the consequences if it's against someone else's personal property.

@AwaywiththePixies27 my cat has just been diagnosed with a form of arthritis so he may have trouble holding the brush ...

Chuckling like mad.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Please leave the neighbour alone now, op. Your dh has had his fun.
If your dh starts getting all worked up and offended over how the neighbour is "making a point by avoiding you", then stop him from doing anything else, please. Bullies often find the weakest of excuses to assume the moral highground, and justify more bullying. "He always looks at the ground so he clearly doesn't like us etc..." The poor neighbour is obviously frightened of the angry, shouting, agressive man and is avoiding him now. Can't blame him.
By the way, how was your dh after the incident occurred, did he seem quite buoyed up by the experience of making someone feel like shit, or was he still angry?

Yeah, he shouldn't have let his dog piss on your car, but maybe he just wasn't paying enough attention? Day dreaming and being a bit thoughtless? An apology and a promise not to do it again would have been enough for most people.

The vociferous pro animal brigade get right up my nose.

Funny that. Peoples DHs who lord it over a random neighbour just because he's had the audacity to never acknowledge the couple 4 doors down get right up my nose too.

Hepzibar wow so gracious of you to accept people have pets, thanks for that.

Tell us though, how do you cope with wild animals and nature?! Do you storm outside whenever you see a bird around 'your property'? Where should it defecate? What about foxes? Mice? Cats?

Don't forget all the spiders rubbing their willies over everything...

The vociferous pro animal brigade get right up my nose.

Really, Hepzibar? You didn't even bother to read the full thread but decided to deride every person defending the poor man who was humiliated by washing some bully's car??

And just to refer to your statement above, anyone that is against people who give a voice to animals I instantly see as pretty hideous.

Lucie I really like your posts on this thread!!!👍

Pixies, I love your posts too!!!

My son has Aspergers and walks with his head down, even when walking our springer - ESPECIALLY outside people's houses - if any tosser out there decided to humiliate him by making him wash their fucking wheels they would have ME to answer to and my extended family of 100+!! It is just designed to humiliate and I am at a loss as to why people are congratulating this horrendous bully!

Lucie what the hell have wild animals got to do with it?
Lastgirl the 'poor man' should be responsible for his pet. If it defecates or urinates on somebody's propert then he shoul take responsibility for it. OP's DH is not a bully ffs.

I am not a pet owner, and its not being "pro animal" that makes me appalled by the dh's behaviour. Its being "pro-obviously-terrified-possibly-vulnerable PERSON". Or maybe I'm just not pro car bumper enough. The reason the dh picked on this guy when he admitted that had it been someone else he wouldn't had was nothing to do with the poor guy "not acknowledging him". It was because he sensed weakness. Like a bully.

LastGirl why thank you! (Twirls graciously)
Threads like this make me sad.

My first thought was exactly as you've just described with your son having Aspergers.

It makes me angry too that people can't see things with any humanity for others.

It's dog wee, it really doesn't matter.

Hepzibar, don't be ridiculous, of COURSE he is a bully! Op OPENLY ADMITS her DH would not have made the person wash the pee off the car if he had smiled at him and been more friendly!! So he was doing this to punish and humiliate him!!

Why can you NOT see that is the act of a bully??

OP's DH is not a bully ffs.

When he flies outside to 'have polite words' whilst gesticulating wildly to a passing six foot bloke built like a brick shithouse. Maybe then more people would agree with you.

For the 100th time. Nothing wrong with asking / telling him not to let his dog do that.

There's everything wrong with him talking to the man in such a polite way that he came back with his wife and a brush and a bucket that had been on his car for a whole TWO bloody minutes.

To add insult to injury. They're now complaining he's avoiding them like the plague because he wont walk on the same side.

Dog walking on other side. OPs DHs precious car dont get weed on. But neighbours still complain because dogwalker not acknowledging them.

Of course there's a point to wild animals. If you live in a suburban area you can know what cheeky twats wild animals can be.

Hepzibar: "the 'poor man' should be responsible for his pet. If it defecates or urinates on somebody's propert then he shoul take responsibility for it. OP's DH is not a bully ffs."

"but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc"

So if it was anyone else on the street, op admits that her dh would not have insisted on them washing his car wheel. But because it was the guy who always stares at the pavement and doesn't acknowledge people, her dh did. That's the bit which makes me think he is a bully.

It is not at all "clear" that he didn't like them. Until the dog piss incident, hop does not mention the neighbour doing anything against them, beyond actions that are consistent with a painfully shy, (possibly autistic), socially anxious person.

Hep you've posted :-* No problem with people having animals, as long as they shit and piss in their own backyard and not on anyone else's property or public areas.*

Then...

Lucie what the hell have wild animals got to do with it?

You are only bothered about Pet piss and shit then? Not so for all the animals you've missed out in your flawed thought process?
Maybe the wild ones have the Fairy collect up behind them, or even better following behind them with a bucket and scrubbing brush

Exactly Lucie!! It doesn't matter at all!! It is so trivial, which also makes me think the DH is a hateful shite of a person!!

I said before and I will say again...if my DH had asked that someone wash HIS wheels (for whatever reason) I would be ashamed of him!! The fact that people here think he is some kind of hero to humiliate someone makes me despair.☹️

Most dog owners live in a strange world of non reality, if a man or woman was to piss over some persons car the owner would probably call the police, but dog owners think it's ok for there dog to do it, well it's not. I have a neighbor who every morning would stand and let her dog piss over my car, she doesn't now as I had to tell her to stop her dog doing it. Your husband was perfectly correct in what he did, and your neighbor is a selfish disrespectful prat.

LastGirlOnTheLeft My DS is aspie too and it makes me worry for when hes grown up & encounters people like this

Incidentally, he once told a dogwalker off for letting their dog pee on a country footpath and I had to explain to him it's not the same as a dog pooing!

Whether the neighbour acknowledges them is neither here nor there and unfortunately this point has blurred the argument somewhat.

It's fucking disgusting to allow your pet to piss or shit on someone's property. Wild animals are irrelevant because - duh- they aren't someone's pet who they have chosen to take responsibility for.

So while the dh sounds like a bullying dickhead, the neighbour sounds like a disrespectful twat.

Piss is completely different to shit.
There's some nonsense being talked on this thread about disinfectant bottles. Who is going to clean up all the batshit?

"she doesn't now as I had to tell her to stop her dog doing it."

If the neighbour's dog had done it repeatedly, and had already been "warned" I would think the op was reasonable. But this was the first time they saw it happen, the neighbour apologised, and the dh over-reacted. Making the neighbour promise not to do it again, as you did, would have been enough for most people.

Most dog owners live in a strange world of non reality, if a man or woman was to piss over some persons car the owner would probably call the police, but dog owners think it's ok for there dog to do it, well it's not

RTFT! We're not ALL dogowners!

Whether the neighbour acknowledges them is neither here nor there and unfortunately this point has blurred the argument somewhat

Not really. Given the DH said he wouldn't have made him clean it up if he had acknowledged them.

It's like reading a spinoff from Downton Abbey.

I know Pixie - I do worry for DS when I am no longer here to support him!! He knows he has me and that makes him a lot more secure!

As for people going on and on about how disgusting pet owners are who let animal pee and poo go everywhere....YES WE KNOW AND WE AGREE WITH YOU!!!

And if DH had said, look your dog just pissed all over my wheels, can you please make sure he doesn't come onto our drive to do that again...then bravo, jobs a good'un!!!

But he didn't do that, did he? He got a kick out of humiliating a man he thought wasn't doffing his cap enough at him. And he has a chorus of congratulations to encourage that behaviour...maybe to YOUR son or daughter!

pixies - I think you're agreeing with my point- it shouldnt be relevant whether the neighbour smiles or not; therefore the dh is a dickhead to act differently because the neighbour appeared unfriendly.

He has every right to be fucking annoyed with anyone who lets their dog piss on his car - whether they're smiley and friendly or whether they avert their eyes and refuse to say hello.

Up to the individual whether they want to be friendly or not. Not up to the individual to let their dog piss over someone's property