In thinking Dsis should put DN first.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Backstory :- Dn is one of 6. My sister was in a bad relationship last year which produced the 6th child. The relationship had a massive impact on all the children. DN is in year 6 and has suffered bullying (now sorted) and had problems with her eating.

My sister has announced to the family she is now pregnant with number 7. Came as a massive shock as we didn't know she had a partner, turns out she had the children lie. The baby bomb shell has upset DN, she feels completely pushed out and scared this relationship will be another repeat of the last one.

I am very close with DN since everything that happened last year she has spent a few days a week with me since, and my sister was ok with this. DN has expressed some concerns and has now asked can she live with me, I've told my sister this and she thinks DN is just being a mard arse and will come round too the idea of a new sibling and a father figure.

Her plan is to just let DN finish her "tantrum" and everything will be fine. I have disagreed with her and suggested maybe she has a heart to heart with DN. DSIS has refused because she believes that's playing into DN hands.

My sister is a lovely person, just at times she makes stupid decisions. She thinks with her heart most of the times instead of her head and I believe at the moment isn't taking DN fears and worry seriously as she is just so focused on her new relationship and baby. She has always wanted that happy ending and she thinks this is it.

Of course I want too see my Dsis happy but at the same time Dn isn't happy and feels ignored.

I honestly don't know what more I can say or what I can do.

pengg I said up thread I don't agree with how DN acted at all, and it's not just DN side I got my Dsis confirmed it all aswell.

He was asking DN too get him something from the fridge for himself. She originally thought it was a joke so said no, then it all escalated from there.

She never said the word slag, that was his words. My sister simply said he wouldn't be sticking around because there will be a new man. And he told my Dsis she called her a slag. My DN obviously cleared this up during the argument that she never said slag.

I honestly think NP knew what he was doing with the comments he Made, he wanted a reaction from a child and he got one. Although I don't think he anticipated it too blow up like it did.

My DN simply said*
Not my sister

Blimey.
I think dn absolutely stays with you and you do definitely contact SS but perhaps let the dust settle a while.

You sound like a lovely aunt.

I feel sorry for all the children involved. I only worry that by causing a rift with Dsis it will make it difficult for you to continue a relationship with the other DCs. However the DN seems most in need atm.

Pengggwn why the shock. No long term relationship with a man and numerous children to numerous men (and she cheated on one of those partners) so where I come from colloquially called a "slag"

Pengggwn, I did read it, thank you. In this case sexual choices and parenting choices are completely crossing over, giving the children concerned a very unhealthy view of relationships and bringing children into the world. As for 'slag', whilst I agree it has a very female-negative history, in recent years it is has been more balanced in describing both male and females who sleep with multiple partners without thought of consequence.

Basically, sleeping with multiple partners - absolutely an adults decision. However, lets not pretend that this may not have consequences, especially when there are children involved. This is evidently having an effect, so we can be as liberal as we like in saying 'her body, her choice', there are ever multiplying children stuck in the middle of her selfish sexual desires.

Everything you say about the work "slag" is true Peng, yet the man who used it about the OP's sister is still there and the child who didn't was assaulted and is no longer in her own home.

OP, I agree with other posters, perhaps now is the time to ask SS to investigate.

Exactly what Dione says above.

Pengggwn, not saying that it is now 50/50 balanced, but language is changing. That is not the point though, the mother's behaviour here is reading as selfish and basically neglectful of the children she already has in order to breed with her latest partner. A pattern she seems intent on repeating as her young daughter has pointed out. It's awful that an 11 year old is being subjected to this behaviour. That is the issue here, not opinions on the word slag which is derailing from the actual point.

I read it the same way you've explained it op. ie. DN said under provocation that DP won't be sticking around and there'll be a new man and the dp twisted it/stirred by wrongly claiming DN called her a slag.

Originally I was going to advise you to go slowly with this OP. Provide a refuge but be careful about making the arrangements permanent. But clearly things have escalated now and you do need to involve SS, school and any other relevant authorities.

I also think you, your DPs, DB and everyone's other halves should have a proper family pow wow about how you support the other children.

You have said you want to have another DC yourself in a few years. If you do have full PR of your DN then this could impact on your own family plans. And don't forget, if she is living full time with you when YOU get pregnant, this will be a time she will need a lot of sensitive care as it will bring up a lot of memories for DN (and possibly negative behaviours). Practical matters like bedroom arrangements will need to be handled careful especially if you have 2DCs of different sexes.

Good luck KungFu. Your DN is lucky you are there for her. And good that you clearly have a lovely DH too. for you both. I suspect you'll need it in the days ahead.

Pengggwn
They aren't condemning the mother's sex life.
They are condemning the mother's desire to procreate with whichever man she's currently sleeping with in order to fulfil her perfect family fantasy for a couple of years.

This isn't about who she chooses to sleep with.As far as I'm concerned she could have family babysit the kids one night every weekend and have one night stands with whoever she likes. It's her choice.

It IS about a grown woman choosing to destabilise her children's home life and family dynamic based on who she fancies having her next baby with.

Op I've only read your posts so sorry if this is duplicating what has already been said

If there is bruising, get photographs

Make sure you have a record of what has happened. If you can, get DN to write, in her own words, an account of what happened too. Keep it safe.

Appt with a solicitor asap. If you really can't do this, CAB

SS after solicitor/CAB

Enormous hugs throughout, and if you can contact the other kids (esp your nephew) to tell them that they're welcome to visit their sister whenever they like it would probably be beneficial. The relationship with your sister is fucked anyway, so you need to prioritise the kids now

Precisely, MaisyPops. This is about selfish adult behaviour having a possibility serious and long term effect on several children. It's already escalating into lies being told and violence against a child. A discussion about the offensiveness of the word 'slag' is far down the list of issues here.

I would take let DN live with me in a heartbeat, I'm just thinking me doing this is the easy solution. It's not making Dsis take any action in salvaging a relationship with her daughter.

Your niece needs to be your priority here.

Forcing her to live under such circumstances just because your sister miiiiight, possibly, see reason ... no, just no.

Tell your sister that your niece can live with you until she "comes around", and if that never happens, well, not your problem.

(Didn't read whole thread, apparently niece said something nasty, but really, your niece is a child who is being mistreated by the introduction of a series of badly chosen men into her life in short succession - her not being adequately feminist in her choice of words is not the problem here.)

I think we can make a pretty good guess at what type of man this is. Niece has said he sits on the sofa all the time, hogging the TV to watch racing. (I bet he gambles.)

He sounds like a cocklodger to me, and now he's throwing his weight around with the niece. A decent man would be trying to build a good relationship with the children. With the eldest boy going through puberty, I can see problems between the boy and this man, ahead too.

Very sad situation for the children. OP, I think you are doing the right thing.

Two children in a bedroom is not cramped, have you never got on with your sister?

and
I'm not sure how you have came too that conclusion from this thread. Where did I say her bedroom was cramped? I said the house is cramped it's a 4 bed house.

I'm just waiting in reception to see the head teacher and see where it heads from here.

Good luck, KungFuPandaWorksOut16. How has your niece been over the weekend?

"Sister is in a 4 bed house so obviously cramped with 6 children 2 adults and one on the way. "