In thinking Dsis should put DN first.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Backstory :- Dn is one of 6. My sister was in a bad relationship last year which produced the 6th child. The relationship had a massive impact on all the children. DN is in year 6 and has suffered bullying (now sorted) and had problems with her eating.

My sister has announced to the family she is now pregnant with number 7. Came as a massive shock as we didn't know she had a partner, turns out she had the children lie. The baby bomb shell has upset DN, she feels completely pushed out and scared this relationship will be another repeat of the last one.

I am very close with DN since everything that happened last year she has spent a few days a week with me since, and my sister was ok with this. DN has expressed some concerns and has now asked can she live with me, I've told my sister this and she thinks DN is just being a mard arse and will come round too the idea of a new sibling and a father figure.

Her plan is to just let DN finish her "tantrum" and everything will be fine. I have disagreed with her and suggested maybe she has a heart to heart with DN. DSIS has refused because she believes that's playing into DN hands.

My sister is a lovely person, just at times she makes stupid decisions. She thinks with her heart most of the times instead of her head and I believe at the moment isn't taking DN fears and worry seriously as she is just so focused on her new relationship and baby. She has always wanted that happy ending and she thinks this is it.

Of course I want too see my Dsis happy but at the same time Dn isn't happy and feels ignored.

I honestly don't know what more I can say or what I can do.

diddl the oldest child is about too turn 13, he just simply goes out straight after school and will go out at weekend to avoid helping with the young ones. So in away he gets away from most of it. He keeps himself to himself.

is wary of a new man

Of course she is- those are all sensible worries. I would take her in. How is the else's getting on?

My nan had 6 children, I think for some people they just love babies and relationships and don't mentally accept babies turn in to children. She ended up with two her children in care

peng random unknown men coming and going putting her welfare at risk. Most women take time getting to know someone before making gradual introductions to new partners not immediately getting knocked up. Dsis should be being especially careful after exposing her children to previous abusive partner. Even if new partner is lovely I would worry about the emotional impact on the children- do they think this is normal? Plus her making them lie to OP seems like her morals are not right.

I'd be concerned about her relationship with her siblings being damaged further by officially moving in with you.

Does your sister know whe won't get child tax credits for the new baby? So same money, but more people to feed, and shoes to buy.

Does she seem to get on better with one gender or the other regarding her children?

I think their relationship is none of your concern, that's your sister's job to sort out. Your nieces welfare should be your concern (as her parents don't seem to care).Your sister is likely to have more children and that will destroy your niece. If you take her in now she can safely have a relationship with her mother and maybe not end up resenting her forever.

Pengggwn
There is a history of abuse in the household, there's a child struggling to cope with the current situation and a pattern of men turning up for a year or 2, more babies and then men leaving only to replaced with a new man and the inevitable baby for the "new family" fantasy.

Maybe posters discussing social services have jumped ahead a little but if I was the niece's teacher, I would be professionally obliged to fill in a concern form about that child and situation.

What about all the other kids? I find it a bit odd that you're so fixated on your niece's welfare but don't seem concerned about any of the others.

A big family isn't automatically a cause for concern. My best friend is one of 9 (with several different dads involved) and the oldest girl. She practically raised her younger siblings and she absolutely resented it at the time but now she's a wonderful mother herself (she's just absolutely incredible and her two wee boys are the happiest and best-behaved children ever) with a great relationship with her siblings and she wouldn't change anything for the world.

There's a lot of judgement about big families / multiples dads and it isn't always justified. It's just a less traditional family set up nowadays than we're used to (but of course was once perfectly normal).

i think youjr dsis is selfish no concern for kids she already has dint listen whn dn was being bullied id get her out

I think you should offer your DN a home, even temporarily - she is lucky to have you OP . My other worry reading your story is her 13 year old sibling, who leaves the house after school and avoids being at home by the sounds of it. Who is caring for him and both emotionally and physically? He is coming up to a tricky teenage time, with GCSE's on the horizon too, my worry would be for both of the older ones, but for whatever reason he is choosing silence over making his feelings known. I am not trying to guilt trip you OP because you are offering so much, but I would say if you can please try to keep good contact with all your DNieces and DNephews so that they all feel they have someone to turn to if they need help and support. I am not saying you are not already of course! Best wishes x

Perhaps you could be a refuge for her then to be more like her older brother but that she is still living at home?

Couple of years & she'll be more independent & like him anyway.

I just have visions of the all wanting to move in at some point to avoid helping out!

peach
The 13 year old does his own thing
The 11 year old rings and asks too come round
9 year old spends time with their dad
4 and 5 bit young too express concern over their home life
And baby can't speak yet.

I'm hardly fixated on my niece.

I would do it and I did!

One of my nieces lived with me twice,I really got in in the neck of my Brother and my Parents at the time but they all no it was the right decision.

My niece was going to run away if she didn't live with me(she loved her Dad but had a really bad relationship with her Mum my SIL)because she moved in with me I was able to give her the love,care and attention she needed,I helped her when she struggled with school and she went onto pass her exams,got into college and I continued helping her then and she went onto university.

Now she's got a really good,really well paid job in a specialist school as a teacher,she's also gone onto get married had 2 DD's of her own,bought her own house and is now a Foster Mum.

She's told me plenty of times that she would never have gone onto college or university if she hadn't lived with me.

I'd also seriously think about contacting SS or the NSPCC to see if they can get someone involved to support your DSis and her children.

From what you've said I wouldn't say your sister is selfish or horrible she sounds as so she's quite vunerable to me.I don't know if something's happened when your Sister was growing up or if she's struggled since she was younger but it sounds like she's much more like a child emotionally than an adult.

paper I think he avoids his mum so she can't ask him to do things. He also spends time with my dad, his uncles and at friends houses. He does come round now and again although he's a bit too cool to want to stay at his auntie Kung Fu house

I have a relationship with all of them and will always be there for any of them if they need me. They know my door is always open.

Just let her stay. Could she leave a lot of her 'stuff' at her mother's house so it doesn't 'look like' she's actually 'moved', iyswim. Maybe it'll become a 'fait accompli' if discussion stops as her mother gets more wrapped up in new man and new baby.

I think you should let her stay.

With her older brother disappearing and off the hook for 'helping' with the younger ones, I suspect this is a huge part of DN's fear, sadness and resentment. Not only is she ignored, but she's expected to look after the younger ones. Possibly because she's a girl; notice bigger brother appears to be off the hook.

I'd let her stay. The relationship is already damaged, and that is entirely down to her immature, selfish, irresponsible mother.

Pengggwn
It's a pattern of behaviour that is raised in safeguarding training that can be a concern. (Anecdotally, an old school friend of mine seems to go through a similar "meet man, move in, have baby" thing. They've also ended up with social services involved for reasons I won't put on here).

I know quite a lot of people on here seem to think safeguarding is a giant waste of time, but the reason serious case reviews happen is because pieces if a jigsaw weren't put together.

If something could be part of a pattern we have a professional duty to log a concern.

I'd mention the following on there:

• history of abusive relationship
• new partner moving in very quickly and this has been a pattern over time
• child states they are wary of new partner
• expecting a baby
• child has experienced bullying and eating disorders

It's not my place to say if the welfare is an issue or not. It is my place to raise anything that MAY BE part of a bigger picture.

ohh I think she is just fixated on having the dream family life. She's just not realising that when you are a parent you can't just make a decision on a whim, you have too think of the children. I don't think baby number 7 was planned in all honesty.

She honestly has support even though only one of the fathers is involved. My mum and father help out a lot, I do and the other siblings aswell. Home life is obviously a bit hectic and cramped at times, 7 maybe 8 squished into a 4 bedroom house can't be easy.

Cross post but I'd also add this to any concerns form If you did then surely these would extend to a 13 roaming the streets at night and to young children too young to express their unhappiness.

So you've got 2 older children who are off doing their own thing, a mother who is seemingly only concerned about her new perfect family with her new man and there's all the historic issues.

We can only put concerns in for the children we teach and anything they say to us but it sounds very much like the sister could do with some help and support to avoid her children ending up with massive issues as they get older.

peng where does it say he roams the streets at night?
And the 4 and 5 year old are completely happy they know no different. They haven't been through what the eldest two have.