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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
WinnieTheMe · 02/07/2017 20:52

YANBU that is annoying, although even more annoying is when the B&G decide to marry abroad somewhere.

Sadly, in our case we had zero option as we had family in three different counties and lived in a fourth. So basically everywhere was 'abroad' for someone.

FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg · 02/07/2017 20:53

I got married on a Wednesday.
Gave people about 5 months notice of the date, it was a tiny tiny day, only 40 people, and the best day of my life.

DarthMaiden · 02/07/2017 21:02

I read the opening post but glanced through the responses- maybe just as well Grin.

DH and I deliberately got married on a Friday. It wasn't about the reduced cost, it was a good way to ensure that people we didn't want to be there wouldn't attend Wink

Those close friends and family who attended took the Friday off work and had a great start to a long weekend.

We made sure our wedding was late - 4pm to allow people plenty of travel time. It was a small stately home we'd booked for full use of.

We didn't have an evening event as the main meal only got served at 7pm.

We also paid for a slap up breakfast for everyone the next morning, given we didn't do an evening event.

ReinettePompadour · 02/07/2017 21:04

For us a midweek wedding was perfect because most guests were police/nurses/fire and they work shifts where weekends are difficult to get off.

Not everyone works Monday- Friday especially in the public sector front line careers. It annoys me when we have to turn down weekend wedding invites and get an astonished look and comments along the lines of 'what do you mean you are working on a Saturday?'

PurpleDaisies · 02/07/2017 21:04

DH and I deliberately got married on a Friday. It wasn't about the reduced cost, it was a good way to ensure that people we didn't want to be there wouldn't attend wink

Isn't that a pretty high risk strategy?

Emboo19 · 02/07/2017 22:08

The weekday weddings I've been to have all started later 4/5 pm ish. So no need for a full day off work. I actually like them, we have such busy weekends it's difficult to fit everything in and weekend weddings often end up tanking the whole weekend up.

Although my parents week day wedding was on the day of one of my A level exams followed by another exam the day after major parenting fail!!
My boyfriend had to colllect me from school and I was curling my hair in the car on the way there!

ComputerUserNotTrained · 02/07/2017 22:16

I think the set of people who can't make a weekday wedding - especially if it's in the school holidays - is smaller than people think. Emergency services, many nurses, hospitality or retail workers, call centre types... It's often easier for them to take leave in the week than on a Saturday. Or indeed to not take leave at all, just arrange their shifts to suit that week.

CotswoldStrife · 02/07/2017 22:22

Smarshian Bank Holidays are not a legal requirement - employers do not have to let staff have them off and can include them in the statutory holiday allowance of 28 days!

Serendipper · 02/07/2017 22:29

My sister is having a Wednesday wedding this year. The saving is unbelievable £15000 for sat £3000 for weds exactly the same deal and number of guests! Her and her partner are both teachers so a lot of guests are too and it's in the summer hols so makes barely any difference. Kids are welcome and I think if they can bump a few acquaintances off in the process then even better as her partner wants to invite everyone he's ever met. I don't see a problem and hope the atmosphere remains good all night Wink

OoohSmooch · 02/07/2017 22:57

I got married on what is probably a very rare day of the week....a Monday! It saved us £6k...the exact same wedding at our venue for 2 days before on a Saturday would have cost us £6k more.

We had only 6 people decline the evening invite due to it being a Monday but that was it. The party went on till long after the band stopped playing (we could afford a band due to our saving 😊) and we did it in August as we had a couple of teacher friends and friends and family with little ones. Every day guest invited (75 of them) attended.

I'd also been to a Monday wedding before ours and it was fabulous.

The Monday worked for a lot of our family and friends better than a Saturday as they worked shifts and it was much easier to get a Monday and Tuesday off than a weekend.

Ultimately if a guest doesn't want to or can't go to a wedding as its a weekday then they don't go. Same as if it was a Saturday.

The bride and groom will know their crowd, I never worried about it being a ghost evening do as it was a Monday, in fact it was one of the most energetic receptions I'd been to (& yay it was mine!).

44PumpLane · 02/07/2017 23:04

We had a Monday wedding in August too! We have a lot of teacher friends and also we were hoping to reduce numbers by having it on a Monday, but pretty much everyone came!!
Invited 120 and 115 came!

As is always stated on MN, an invitation is not a summons- if you don't want to go then don't!

DarthMaiden · 02/07/2017 23:51

purple - maybe a high risk strategy for some, but we'd already sounded out the people we really wanted there to get their opinions.

It was a deliberately small wedding - less than 50 guests. We wanted something classy but intimate with great food in a lovely place.

DH and I have quite small families (we are both only children) so once our lovely parents were fine it was just a matter of speaking to close friends.

They were happy to take the day off - in fact many of DH's friends who had further to travel took off the Thursday also, even though we had deliberately set the event later in the day so people could travel without a stupidly early start. They wanted to make a long weekend of it, in a lovely location.

In honesty I'm not sure how much it saved as we spent the "extra" on afternoon tea for guests before the wedding and breakfasts for everyone the next day.

The latter was especially popular - knowing the excess of the night before would be somewhat abated Grin

Cyclebird · 03/07/2017 09:38

We married on a Friday, the one attached to August bank holiday weekend. It wasn't a money saving decision for us, didn't enter my head! We started looking for a venue in the Jan and needed/wanted to be married by the end of August. It was difficult to find a venue that could cater for 180+ and those that could were booked up for all the Saturdays. So, the choice was to cull guests or go for a Friday. My parents had waited so long to see me married Grin that they wanted a lot of witnesses, hence the Friday! Pretty much everyone we invited came along and lots of friends and family members stayed up for the whole long weekend. It was great and I wouldn't have changed a thing about it (except the top table maybe....)

MsHopey · 03/07/2017 09:48

I got married on a Saturday, but had a very small wedding anyway. But saying that most my friends and family all work in the retail sector and if anything it's harder to get the weekends off because they are generally busier during weekends and most managers won't allow staff to book weekends off. So me getting married once Saturday inconvenienced more people than if I'd just got married on a Wednesday.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2017 09:48

If it were a wedding I wanted to attend I would have no problem at all with it.

Me and DH wanted to get married on my birthday which was a week day. We only had a small ceremony (immediate family) and everyone except MIL was ok with it. She said she could not take a day off work (she was a school dinner lady). She kicked up such a fuss that we changed it to the nearest Saturday.

Almost 40 years later it still annoys me. On my birthday I always think "this should have been our anniversary too". If I could go back in time I would tell her that is the day we are getting married you either come or you don't.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2017 09:58

I meant to say we certainly did not want a weekday wedding because it was cheaper. We got married in the days when weddings weren't ridiculously expensive and over the top. Our wedding never even cost £1,000 and that was supplying all the drink at the evening party for 150 guests.

Ethylred · 03/07/2017 10:02

Weekday weddings are wonderful, you have an extra excuse not to go.

GraceGrape · 03/07/2017 10:04

mydog I think you're being a bit harsh on your MIL. School staff are generally not entitled to time off during time.

wendz86 · 03/07/2017 10:36

Mine was on a Friday but i did it in the school holidays as my Mum, auntie and a couple of other guests worked in a school. One of my flower girls was also school age. I think its fine as long as you don't mind if people can't make it. We didn't have anyone not come because it was a Friday.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2017 10:40

GraceGrape, funny then how she managed to get time off for other reasons including her daughter's wedding!

TheLionQueen1 · 03/07/2017 10:46

Mydog, I got married on my birthday for that exact reason and it was a Wednesday! Although we saved over £8000 with it being a Wednesday and actually that cost didn't fall back on the guests as they got hotel rooms etc cheaper as it was mid week. Completely understood if people couldn't come but everyone did, that was summer holidays so easier for schools etc. Wouldn't have done mid week wedding not in a school holiday unless it was a no kids wedding!

ZoeWashburne · 03/07/2017 11:07

I'll take an less formal Saturday afternoon wedding in the pub over a fancy weekday wedding everytime. Unless it was a sibling, no way I would take a day of A/L for a weekday wedding.

MaidenMotherCrone · 03/07/2017 11:26

My wedding is on a Shock Horror Wednesday next year and because it's on a Wednesday it's actually more expensive. Nothing to do with the venue but the celebrant who is conducting the ceremony.

It's the date that's important for us and it just happens to fall on a Wednesday.

All our guests are reasonably local ( apart from lovely MIL ) and it's taking place in the evening. No guests need take that day off but most guests have their own businesses and like the fact it's in the evening so they will just leave/finish work an hour or so earlier.

The only person who could possibly moan is DS who will have to come home from Uni but he's happy his Mum is happy.

If it was on a Saturday many wouldn't be able to come.

Not all weddings are the same.

Whymustyoubringinthebirds · 03/07/2017 11:35

We are getting married on a Sunday as when we where looking at venues basically everyone was looking for minimum numbers of 80+ for a Friday and Saturday with many being over the 100 mark, I don't know that many people so that was the killer, I would have loved to get married on a Saturday but we really had no option of this

lanouvelleheloise · 03/07/2017 11:36

I would never expect people to have to take annual leave for my wedding! I think that's the dealbreaker. If it's a weekday evening and all invitees are local, as in maiden's case, I think that's fine. (Though people will be much more restrained in their drinking/celebrating in that case). If you're asking people to take valuable leave and to travel on a week day, which is often more expensive on trains, then it's a bit inconsiderate tbh.