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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
TheMummyDragon · 03/07/2017 11:37

Hmm cheap??
I got married on a weekday in July and it was more expensive than if I'd got married on a weekend day a month before!

We chose that particular DATE for a reason that was important to us and every single person that we invited (100 people max for evening and 30 people for ceremony so not a huge wedding) came without exception.

We were expecting some people to say no because we appreciated it might be difficult to get time off work but everyone managed it and one of my closest friends who lives 200 miles away even took 2 days off work and travelled up the day before, still stayed till 10pm and then travelled home after the wedding! I think if the people mean that much to you then you can make the effort.

Loopyloppy · 03/07/2017 12:36

*"I think if the people meant that much to you you can make the effort."
*
For the love of God. Don't some people understand a lot of professions simply CANT take two or three days off like that?! I certainly couldn't have in most of my jobs.

GoodEyebrowDay · 03/07/2017 12:43

We got married on a Friday but did it during holiday times. I think if someone got their knickers in a twist because it was a Friday I wouldn't want them there anyway. What a squib

Buttons2121 · 03/07/2017 15:03

I got married on a Friday, 50 or so guests, everyone came and didn't seem to be an issue for anyone....just meant they got a nice long weekend. It's not always about cost, at some venues, Saturdays and Sundays are filled up years in advance, so if you have a particular date/month in mind, you sometimes need to go for a weekday.

TheMummyDragon · 03/07/2017 15:12

@Loopyloppy I understand such professions like teachers would seriously struggle but with enough notice surely it is possible.

TheCraicDealer · 03/07/2017 15:49

To get a day off, I will often have to negotiate with my Headteacher and work an excessive number of hours to sway the deal (for example, 16 hours of booster classes in return for one day off with pay). That's if I can negotiate at all - I have no right to time off during the term.

Taken from Deliciously's post up the page.

Hulababy · 03/07/2017 17:34

TheMummyDragon

I depends on your Headteacher and Governors. It also depends on timetabling and what else is in the diary for that day - they are key events, scheduled months ahead of time, that means attendance the day is essential.

Teachers and other school staff have NO automatic right to time off, and even if they do manage to get it agreed, it will be unpaid and will also involve additional work outside of hours to plan and prep the work for another person to take their classes.

I am lucky - my HTs have always been pretty good with these things and have allowed staff to take unpaid leave for weddings, inc non-family brides and grooms.But equally I know some teaching staff who just aren't able to as their HT and Governors simply say No to all requests.

Fernanie · 03/07/2017 18:16

Haven't RTFT but having skimmed through the first couple pages am a bit Hmm at how many people seem to think the wedding is all about the guests. If this post had been phrased differently (AIBU to have my wedding on a Thursday; my MIL is upset that she'll have to take a day off work) everyone would be rushing to the bride's defence and saying - quite rightly - that it's her and the groom's day and they should arrange the wedding when, where and however they want.

Falconhoof1 · 03/07/2017 18:20

We had a Friday wedding. Hope it wasn't a pain in the arse for everyone but lots of people came!

agentdaisy · 03/07/2017 18:44

Weekday weddings are a massive pita when you have school age dcs.

Sil got married on a Friday and threw a hissy fit when we said our dcs would only be there if school authorised the day off for them. Sil (no dcs) couldn't understand why we weren't prepared to pay £480 fines for our dcs to attend her wedding if school didn't authorise the day off.

If we didn't have school age dcs then a weekday wedding wouldn't be ideal but would be okay. It would mean a day off work (two if a distance away) but we'd still go.

Nessalina · 03/07/2017 23:23

One of my bridesmaids is a teacher, and she didn't tell me until after the wedding that she'd had a proper drama getting the day off for my Friday wedding! She'd given her HT a year's notice and he'd said it would be fine. It was the day before Easter hols, so often a bit of a play day anyway (yr4 primary), but I'd got her to check before we put down a deposit on the venue just in case it was an issue. But then 4 months before the event he called her in and said it had been refused by the governors!! Shock Turned out it was really his decision not theirs, but they'd given him a hard time about it, so he'd about faced. My pal is LOVELY, reliable, and very well liked in school, so the teaching staff basically cold shouldered him for a week and several people had a word with him, and in the end he backed down and said 'the governors had reconsidered' HmmHmm
I felt pretty rotten when she told me about it a few months later over a glass of wine Blush Not that we could have done anything about it by that point if she'd had to work, but I'd have been furious for her!!

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 10:25

I'm loving the teachers coming on saying 'Oh I got married during the holidays so a weekday was okay' or 'lots of our friends are teachers and we made sure our weekday wedding was during the holidays'. Grin

Anyhow, to answer the OP's question Yes, weekday weddings are a bit shit of the guests. So are destination weddings, weddings in a castle in the middle of nowhere, weddings 3 days before Christmas, weddings where you're expected to show up for the ceremony and then go off and pay for your own dinner somewhere before rejoining the A list guests who were included in the wedding breakfast.

But you will find lots of people on here indignantly defending all of the above and insisting that everyone loved their Thursday wedding in the outer Hebrides on the 22nd December.

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 10:26

A bit shit FOR the guests, not of.

LeannePerrins · 04/07/2017 10:31

But you will find lots of people on here indignantly defending all of the above and insisting that everyone loved their Thursday wedding in the outer Hebrides on the 22nd December.

So much this. I wonder what there overlap is between brides delighted with their Tuesday wedding and the grumbly AIBUs from their guests about entitled brides.

beansbananas · 04/07/2017 10:34

I got married on a Friday as it was the only day available at our venue for over 12 months.it had nothing to do with saving money and I booked it reluctantly as we didn't want to wait another year. We did see a lot of guests decline the invitation as a consequence, but people who love you and want to be there to share your big day, will make the effort to come. If they give you plenty of notice, then I think it's fine. If you're going to resent giving up a day of annual leave for them as you are implying, then just don't go. However, do remember that it means a lot for the b&g to have you there, so it might be nice to make the effort!

LeannePerrins · 04/07/2017 10:35

beans and as been mentioned over and over, does that apply if your guests will have to sacrifice a day's pay to attend?

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/07/2017 10:42

I was once invited to the evening do of a wedding on a Wednesday. It was in NI while I was living and working (office hours) in Scotland. I couldn't have done it without taking a day and a half off work as an absolute minimum, so I declined. I've been to a weekday wedding abroad before now though. It was another case of the b&g hugely inconveniencing their guests so they could have a nicer setting. I wouldn't go to another wedding abroad after that tbh, unless the couple actually lived there and I knew them really well.

OOAOML · 04/07/2017 10:42

The attitude that resenting giving up annual leave means you don't like the person enough ignores the fact that you might be very tight for annual leave. My husband and I had to sit with a spreadsheet working out how to cover the school holidays recently. My annual leave is stretched to the point of ridiculous just now. A few years ago I had the option of flex, but don't anymore.

ladasha · 04/07/2017 10:47

I've been to on Friday wedding. It was okay because it was like a long weekend, but was in the middle of nowhere (4 hours travel early in the morning in rush hour traffic to get to the ceremony) and the bride's brother couldn't come until the evening as he was a teacher and couldn't take time off. Thought that was a shame.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/07/2017 10:47

If you're going to resent giving up a day of annual leave for them as you are implying, then just don't go.

Oh for God's sake, it's not about 'resenting' it! I seriously think some people need to grow up about their 'big day' and what lengths people can go to in order to be there.

For the vast majority of people, weekdays are WORK DAYS. Their employers and clients expect them to be at work. It's not just teachers; I'm a lawyer and it's an utter pain in the arse to take one day off mid-week. Courts don't grind to a halt because my friend's having a wedding. I can book time off in weekly blocks and it's much easier, because my entire case load is assigned to someone else for that week. But a random Thursday? Unless I'm having surgery myself, probably not.

That's just one example; I'm sure most jobs are the same. The question is not 'Is it impossible to get a weekday off for a wedding?', its 'Are weekday weddings a bit shit for guests'? And the answer for a lot of us which a few self-obsessed bloody bridezillas on here don't want to hear is that compared to weekends, YES, they are.

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 10:53

Also, it's not always just 'a day of annual leave'.

If you have, in one year,

a close friend getting married on a Wednesday a hundred miles from where you live, that's 2 days annual leave

Followed by

your SIL getting married on a Friday. Another day's annual leave

Followed by

Your OH's best mate getting married on a Friday that's another day's annual leave.

So nearly an entire week of annual leave being used up on weekday weddings.

And the above could be quite conservative for someone whose at an age where lots of friends and siblings are getting married.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 04/07/2017 10:56

For the vast majority of people, weekdays are WORK DAYS. as mentioned already, that depends on your circle.

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 10:58

Doesn't really matter what your 'circle' is. Most people invite relatives, neighbours, friends from outside their employment area to their wedding. So unless you're inviting mainly work colleagues and people who work in the same area (unlikely) your weekday wedding will still be hassle for very many of the guests, even if you and the groom and many of your friends are teachers or shift workers.

Buttons2121 · 04/07/2017 11:26

As has been said, probably just as many people work a Saturday/Sunday nowadays as those who work weekdays - the idea of everyone working a M-F 9-5 job is unrealistic. You are probably never going to please everyone, so you just have to go with what you can and know that some people won't/can't attend, or will choose not to a weekday wedding, but this could be the same for a Saturday wedding and people who work in retail; be very difficult for them to get that day off. I don't think it's selfishness on the b&g part, you can't please every guest and if you planned your wedding around everyone else, you probably wouldn't be very happy with the end result.

OrangeFluff · 04/07/2017 11:43

Well I had a Thursday wedding with over 100 guests. Not a single decline. It was in August so no problem for teachers, and all kids were invited so no problem with childcare. It was booked over a year in advance so plenty of notice too.

My husband and I are shift workers so work weekends. Many of our friends do too. If we wanted the majority of them to come, a Saturday was out of the question. We've booked time off work many, many times for weekend weddings/events without a grumble, so if people were annoyed by doing that for us this one time, then they didn't have to come.

There was a great evening atmosphere too. We had a live band and then a DJ afterwards until midnight. Sure, some of the older folk and people with young kids left a little earlier, but I think they wouldv'e done that on a weekend too. The vast majority of people stayed and were all up dancing.

Everones circumstances are different. Judging everyone who has a weekday wedding as cheap and selfish is ridiculous. It would've been much cheaper to get married on a Saturday in March than a Thursday in August, but it wasn't about price for us.

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