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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 02/07/2017 15:33

I didn't go to my SILs second wedding because it was on a Wednesday 200 miles away. I didn't want to give up three days' leave for it. My DH went. His choice. I really dislike the assumption that you'll give up holiday for these events.

user1498921160 · 02/07/2017 15:41

Tha'ts very simplistic Yivamoon.

Turning down a wedding invitation can often cause hurt feelings, acrimony with relatives, embarrassment for your OH or whatever.

I suspect that the people who trot out this line about a wedding invitation 'not being a summons' are often trying to convince themselves that all those people who turned up for their Tuesday wedding, or wedding in the areshole of nowhere, were delighted to come and none of them were there under sufferance.

My annual leave is precious to me and I hate having to waste a day going to a wedding. But sometimes I just have to, because regretting the invitation will not go down well. But I resent it, I really do.

itssquidstella · 02/07/2017 16:02

A good friend of mine got married on a Thursday, because they couldn't get/afford the venue they wanted at the weekend. I'm a teacher so couldn't take time off, but luckily I had a free afternoon so left work at one and raced to get there! Missed the ceremony but made the breakfast and the evening do - which I then had to leave at 10pm to make the last train home.

Yes, it was inconvenient, but I didn't have to attend. That said, I'll get married on either a Friday or a Saturday so that everyone can drink - I hate the idea of a sober wedding!

sweetbitter · 02/07/2017 16:14

I am fine with the odd Friday wedding, DP and I can both usually take time off. But midweek is a real pain especially where it involves an overnight stay.

GrapesAreMyJam · 02/07/2017 16:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FrowningFlamingo · 02/07/2017 16:30

I think it's quite selfish tbh.
A Friday isn't so bad as long as it's an afternoon ceremony.
I've just been invited to a wedding on a Thursday, we've been given a huge amount of notice 'to plan' - so I can't even spare their feelings and lie saying I have something else on. I'll have to pretend I can't have that day off work...

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 16:36

A midweek wedding isn't really less expensive, it just moves the costs from the Bride & Groom to the guests.On average people earn roughly 120 a day. If you have a hundred guests who have to take a day off work, that's a cost of 12,000 that the guests are paying in order to attend

This x a million. Plus the other potential costs involved for guests, new outfit / cost of hotel/ travel / present or cash gift / childcare

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 16:37

often trying to convince themselves that all those people who turned up for their Tuesday wedding, or wedding in the areshole of nowhere, were delighted to come and none of them were there under sufferance

High five

Hulababy · 02/07/2017 16:37

Not ideal but then weekends can also be a pain for other workers - shift workers, those in retail etc.

So long as a bride and groom accept that some people may need to decline - and not give their guests grief over it - I see no issue.

I teach so when I've attended a wedding on a weekday - and our HT is very lovely and will accommodate people as much as she can even for no. family weddings - I lose a days pay. So costs me even more than a weekend weekend does.

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 16:41

Or people who have a wedding in a place that means nothing to them, like a random castle.

When they have never visited said castle before wedding planning, it means nothing to them

hotsfor · 02/07/2017 16:49

Thursday or Friday wedding is fine. Otherwise.... bit strange...

iseenodust · 02/07/2017 16:54

Friday weddings are tolerable if close enough that you can get there that day. Other days mid-week are just a complete nightmare.

Giddyaunt18 · 02/07/2017 17:40

It's really hard fro guests. I'm a TA and am not supposed to have time off in term time and have 3 DC at school. We are invited to a Friday wedding next year. I really begrudge taking my DC out of school and having to ask for a day off work but it's a close family member.

ticketytock1 · 02/07/2017 17:43

I don't enjoy weddings any more at all no matter what day of the week they are! All my friends bar 2 are married, all my siblings and inlaws are also. I get invited to cousins weddings and usually turn them down. Can think of no worse way to spend my day!

Almostfifty · 02/07/2017 17:48

We're off to one midweek next year. The B&G are paying for the night before and the wedding night too. We're going to make a week of it, wandering around the countryside around it before and after the wedding. Really looking forward to it.

honeyroar · 02/07/2017 18:14

You don't have to go if you don't want to!! Any wedding can be refused - tell them you haven't got enough leave if that's your problem! I've turned down a good few weddings I didn't fancy and still remained friends with the bride and groom.

We got married on a Friday, for a special date. Most friends travelled over 200 miles, some 300 to attend. 99% of people invited came. I and most of my friends don't have any set days off, so we'd have to take leave for a weekend wedding (and weekend leave is most popular), so it's the same. It was school holidays, so teacher and student friends weren't affected, and most people were only invited to the evening (we only had 25 in the day) so locals could come after work anyway. It worked fine. I already had mentioned to friends that I fully understood if it was too far to travel, I didn't want to put pressure on anyone. It was a pretty relaxed, informal wedding anyway. My friends aren't snobby judgey types anyway. Some still came to the ceremony uninvited and came back to our house to join us for photos and champagne afterwards, again uninvited, but we were delighted to see them.

Shellym13 · 02/07/2017 18:19

OMG it's an Invitation not a summons. I work shifts but if it's a wedding I want to go to I make an effort. Unfortunately I've missed a couple if I can't get tine off. I do t think it's selfish at all. Imagine asking 90guests what day suits them so you can pick a date! It's their day not ours

ILoveDolly · 02/07/2017 18:21

Some jobs won't give just one day off. Teachers and GPs for instance. You can give a year's notice if you like its still rude to expect people to take a day off work just to attend your do.

swingofthings · 02/07/2017 18:37

I find it a very selfish to do. Yes it's your wedding, yes you should do what you want, but booking during the week because you want a posh venue that you can't afford on Saturday and therefore expect many people to have to take day off to attend is in my view very selfish.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what is happening to a wedding my OH is best man to, so no choice but to take time off. I would much much much prefer to take a day off to rest and do things I enjoy than to go to this wedding. I won't have a choice though, so will probably resent them for it.

SherbrookeFosterer · 02/07/2017 19:31

YANBU that is annoying, although even more annoying is when the B&G decide to marry abroad somewhere.

That really pisses me off for some reason.

What's wrong with the local village hall?!

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 02/07/2017 19:41

it's an Invitation not a summons

Ahh the old mumsnet wedding mantra. Everything is black and white

Shellym13 · 02/07/2017 19:43

Nothing mantra here, at the end of the day its an invitation! I'd love to go to every wedding but sometimes I can't get the time off. I still send a gift and wish them well. It's really not an issue, go if you can!

Jivebunny89 · 02/07/2017 19:44

I had a Friday afternoon wedding in November. I was trying to be as flexible as possible with dates, but the reception venue had bookings (which they were willing to cancel on our behalf) for Saturdays. I wouldn't abide with other people having their afternoon teas cancelled because of me, so a Friday it was. Invited around 42, and 38 turned up. We were very understanding towards anyone who couldn't make it, and expected that. We didn't go for a big hotel extravaganza, so no savings could be made based on the day. Had a lovely time, and of all the things I regret about my wedding, it being on a Friday isn't one of them.

Epipgab · 02/07/2017 20:48

I like weddings but would be far less likely to attend on a weekday.

It can become annoying if family/friends keep trying to persuade you. "Surely the head won't mind if X misses school for the wedding of his fifth cousin twice removed, it doesn't matter that it's the 7th time this year a "close" relative has had a weekday wedding! The rush-hour doesn't exist on Fridays so your journey along the motorway will only be 6 hours! You didn't want any more annual leave anyway, did you, because you love your job, and your partner loves theirs! Give me the phone number of your boss, she has to let you out for this!"

Hmm Wine
DeliciouslyHella · 02/07/2017 20:51

Yes, I'm a teacher so they're a nightmare.

To get a day off, I will often have to negotiate with my Headteacher and work an excessive number of hours to sway the deal (for example, 16 hours of booster classes in return for one day off with pay). That's if I can negotiate at all - I have no right to time off during the term.

If it's in the school holidays, it buggers up any plans I may have to go away. That makes me grumpy, especially if it's during a half term week.

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