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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are weekday weddings a bit shit, for guests?

284 replies

OldSkoolRapFan · 01/07/2017 20:30

Hi there,

following on from another thread on here - it got me thinking about weekday weddings

I have been invited to a few but only ever attended one weekday wedding, which was a family member and even then a lot of people did not turn up

It seems a bit cheap to me, that the B&G are happy to inconvenience every single guest, as long as they can save a few quid?

OP posts:
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 02/07/2017 08:56

We had a Monday wedding but it was for the simple reason we didn't want a large affair & the dc had an inset day. We also only had 5 other guests.

A close family member is having a Friday wedding. The whole 9 yards, church, flower girls, page boys & a big hotel reception. Roughly an hour away from home. All this 7 days after dc5's edd. Dh is struggling to get time off (it's during the 6 week hols, he's already booked his AL), I'm not sure if I'll actually feel up to it & they've decided they want our dc in the wedding party...So yes they can be a bit shit.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 08:56

Now this thread is complaining that some couples aren't spending enough.

No, people are complaining that they're spending less by effectively passing costs onto their guests.

If you can't afford the weekend rate for your venue, it's always an option to choose a different venue.

Miskate · 02/07/2017 08:57

Completely agree with you Winnie. You're vilified for spending money you don't have, yet everyone has an opinion on how you should hold your wedding to least inconvenience them. I'm so glad I didn't see any threads like this five years ago as I'd have felt awful and pressurised into going into debt to avoid people calling me cheap.

Iruka · 02/07/2017 08:58

Smarshian He gets 20 but can only book 16, the others have to be taken over Christmas

LionQueen I am a shift worker and I get what you said and his friends understand because they are sensible people but plenty of people in this thread have said things like 'if they were real friends they would take the time off' or 'that is how you find out who are really friends' and it just isn't that simple.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 02/07/2017 08:59

We're going to a wedding on a Tuesday later in the year. I'm on maternity leave and DH had day off anyway, but we did wonder if they chose it to put people off coming Grin

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 02/07/2017 09:14

A weekday wedding is fine if it is:
Low key
Considering the availability of most of the guests
Accepted that obtaining leave may be problematic (and not personal)
Local to the majority of guests
Gives sufficient notice to guests to arrange leave

I went for the typical Saturday in the summer holidays as many people I know teach, most people had to travel, it had to overlap with Irish school holidays, most people I know work a traditional week. I had to accept that this ruled out two relatives that I would have loved to be there, but just couldn't travel away from work mid-holiday season. There wasn't a way to pick a date accessible to all family.

Socksey · 02/07/2017 09:15

Our was on a Monday.. .. on a date significant to our families...
Dye to where we lived and married and where both sets of families lived they were going to have to travel to get there.. and not all flights to the nearest airport would have allowed them to just come for a day or two at the weekend..... some people worked shifts and weekends so there was never going to be a day that suited everyone...
Thankfully all the kids (about half the guests) were very young and so school wasn't an issue (it may even have been half term for some areas).
Yes, our venue was discounted due to the day and month but it was lovely and also not having to travel at the peak weekend times meant that flights etc were not quite as expensive for the guests

McTufty · 02/07/2017 09:18

We paid a bloody fortune and waited an extra year to get a venue we could afford/that would accommodate our number of guests without being in the arse end of nowhere that was available on a Saturday. Few of our guests worked shifts and we didn't want to inconvenience people

Having said that, I don't take umbrage at a weekday wedding invitation. If I can go, great, if I can't, I won't. I don't expect people to plan their wedding day to my convenience.

The waiting time for venues if everyone who got married did so on a Saturday gives me the chills.

Eastpoint · 02/07/2017 09:18

Ours was a Friday in the summer holidays. We had a register office wedding at 4pm (which could only seat 35) and then invited people for 7.30pm if I remember correctly. We had to have it in the week as my parents were busy every weekend in the summer & we thought a Friday night after work would be the least inconvenience to our friends.

Shadowboy · 02/07/2017 09:20

We had a Friday wedding. Everyone invited came. It meant they had a full weekend to get over the hangover. it was cheaper for us but a Friday wedding also came with 10 free rooms at the hotel so half of the guests had a benefit too!

Coulddowithanap · 02/07/2017 09:33

I'm looking forward to my friends weekday wedding. Luckily my DH didn't have to book Holiday as if fell on his day off (shift work). I have to work the next day but that's no problem for me as I'm not a big drinker!

IfNot · 02/07/2017 10:26

A lot of people are saying " we couldn't get the venue we wanted on a Saturday " ..I find this weird, prioritising the venue over the actual people attending.
I also don't agree that a wedding is only about the bride and groom. If that was true they would just go to the registry office alone, sign up and go home.
I don't think it's " cheap" to not want to spend thousands but surely you have to consider your guests and do the most convenient thing for them, whether that's a weekday of a weekend?

Ylvamoon · 02/07/2017 10:34

We had a weekday (Thursday) wedding... didn't think it was wrong or inconvenient to anyone. Yes, it did save money, actually spend the savings on our honeymoon.

What it did for us, was getting only guests that actually care about us. If you can't be asked to turn up for a wedding, maybe your priority is elsewhere.

CheeseOfHearts · 02/07/2017 10:45

All those people saying "well, you'll find out who your REAL friends are" - are you the same people posting those godawful FB things "if you repost this, I'll know who REALLY cares about me". It's a wedding, not a tacky friendship test for needy people. Some people can't take the time off, even if they want to. Some people may have already used their annual leave, some may have childcare difficulties for child-free weddings, some may want to prioritise spending time with their own families (how selfish of them!).

If you want a weekday wedding, for whatever reason (financial, only time your chosen venue is free, you and OH work weekends, whatever) - there's nothing wrong with that at all, it's your wedding. But don't get shitty if people can't or won't come. You have to weigh up the pros and cons.

Eemamc · 02/07/2017 11:36

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE

That's exactly why we did a midweek wedding.... most of the self employed people at our wedding were musicians.... Saturday nights is where they earn their money. They were grateful to not lose a week's pay or not be able to attend. Not everyone in the world works Monday to Friday!!!

Eemamc · 02/07/2017 11:38

As an aside, out of 120 invites, only 4 people couldn't make it due to work. It completely depends on the couple and their specific friends and family.

GraceGrape · 02/07/2017 12:08

You should plan a wedding within your means. If you want lots of guests at your wedding and can't afford the venue you want at the weekend, then that sort of wedding is too expensive for you. You can either have a midweek wedding at the venue of your choice with fewer guests or you have to choose a cheaper venue that you can afford at the weekend when more people are able to attend, unless the majority of your guests are people for whom a weekday would suit them better.

CryingMessFFS · 02/07/2017 12:14

I got married a few weeks ago and I had a Saturday wedding (small register office wedding around 40 guests but it added about £200 onto the price of the ceremony to have it on a Saturday) and I considered having it on a weekday to actually discourage people from coming Blush I was just so nervous I thought well if less people come it's less pressure.

In the end I went for Saturday purely because my parents and MIL would have struggled coming to a weekday and they were the 3 I really wanted there.

Loopyloppy · 02/07/2017 12:24

*"If you can't be assed to turn up for a wedding maybe your priority is elsewhere."
*
Again (for the third time), if you get married mid week and expect people to travel that's 3 days off work. I wouldn't expect my own parents to take three days off work for me, let alone the rest of the guests. Me Me me. Fucking hell, people's sense of entitlement just because their getting married never ceases to amaze me.

I worked on our wedding plans for ages and chopped and changed because in my eyes it wasn't all about me, it was about sharing the day with the people we loved too.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 12:25

What it did for us, was getting only guests that actually care about us.

Yes, you're right. People's ability to take a day off work mid-week certainly reflects how much they care about you. Hmm

God, the self-importance.

Lonelynessie · 02/07/2017 12:31

Our wedding is on a Friday (in 3 weeks time!) and actually costs the same as on a Saturday so the cost wasn't a factor, we chose it because it falls on our anniversary. We invited 100+ people, they all accepted. I wouldn't have a problem with a Friday, but mid-week would be difficult.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 12:32

Agree that Friday is more doable because you can travel on the Saturday.

Shadowboy · 02/07/2017 13:03

Interestingly our Friday wedding made childcare lots easier for local friends - they came to the ceremony whilst kids in school and nursery, had a relaxing wedding breakfast then one partner picked them up or a relative which meant they relied less on the generosity of friends and family. We were happy to have children at our wedding but only one came. The majority were local friends etc but of the friends who did travel they were given first dibs on the free accommodation the night before the wedding that the hotel offered and then the discounted rates for the Friday night. It worked out really well. No one we invited couldn't make it but it was a Friday so I think people were quite keen on the excuse of a 3 day weekend or if they just came to the 'after party ' an excuse to get their Friday night glad rags on. I think Friday weddings work really well.

A mid- week one would work if it was local. I'd just not drink much and leave by 11 so I could work the next day. So probably less enjoyable for guests? But saying that, people don't have to come if it would pose a problem. I'd just send a nice card and apologies if it was far away on a mid-week day.

tralaaa · 02/07/2017 13:21

We got married on a Friday it was a second marriage foe both of us. We just had family at the ceremony, then we all went to a riverside pub for a few hours my work friends cane for a drink in their lunch hour. All went home we went back to the hotel, then had a massive party in the evening absolutely brilliant.

Ylvamoon · 02/07/2017 14:46

Loopyloppy- actually, a wedding IS about the bride and groom. It's their special day, where they celebrate being together, "singing a contract" for the future.
I don't think guests have much say, unless they pay for the venue. An invitation is exactly that, up to the individual if they want to go or not.
In the end, you can't accommodate everyone, so why not accommodate your own needs and preferences?
(And yes, I decided wedding invitations on grounds of dress code, location and even type of food served. Nobody was hugely offended.)