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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people seem to have a problem with my 'lazy' lifestyle?

266 replies

Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:24

My dp and I both work part time. We don't own but happily rent a nice house. We have a son 4 why goes to school everyday of the week. We don't rely on anyone for money and have just enough for rent, food and a few treats. We can't for example afford a foreign holiday but we like caravan and camping holidays in the uk.
We can't really afford much new stuff but are happy with what we've got and can afford toys for birthdays and Christmas etc.

My days off look like this:
Get up at 5 and play with ds. He is awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD and everyday starts at 5 and its full on play time till he goes to school. The chances of him playing alone or watching tv are zero so it's full on for a while.

I go back to bed after dp takes him to school and surface about 10-11ish Blush

I then potter and do house work, go for an hour or twos walk and just enjoy myself. Ds comes home and it's the usual routine that most parent have in the evening.

The same goes for dp. He works about 4 shifts a week and when off does gardening, cooking and sleeping.
People often make comments that if we worked more we could have so much more but we're happy as we are. The same goes for more children. Ds is a star but as most parent of children with ASD, life can be hectic and unpredictable and we are happy with just the one.

People constantly have to let me know how busy their lives are and it makes me feel a bit guilty that mine isn't.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5911 · 30/06/2017 15:27

If your happy with what you do/what you have etc then ignore them!

Everyone has different priorities in life for some that's working more for bigger house/nice holidays and there is nothing wrong with that but some people do like a more relaxed pace of life and nothing wrong with that either. We're all different

nollaig16 · 30/06/2017 15:27

Can I just say i' m jealous and your lifestyle sounds perfect!

witsender · 30/06/2017 15:28

My only concern would be saving and provisioning for the future. If I had the capacity to work more and save more towards possibly buying a house I would do that, renting in old age would worry me.

We both work part time as we have 2 kids at home who are home educated, and that feels pretty leisurely as we only do 5 days work between us.

Voiceforreason · 30/06/2017 15:28

Lead the life you choose. Ignore others. If you are self supporting, happy and taking good care of your child that is all you need to do. Some people chase possessions others have minimalist instincts. Your life, your choice!

nornironrock · 30/06/2017 15:29

Sounds like you have it all worked out, and three of you are happy, content, and most importantly your son must feel very loved.

If I were you, I wouldn't really care what anyone else thinks...

For clarity, we're one of those very busy families. Two kids, on the go all the time, both my wife and I work full time. I travel a lot for work... I don't care what anyone thinks of our lifestyle either...

Original poster
Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:30

Thanks nolagg!

I would like to own at some point for that security reason.

OP posts:
Myrobalanna · 30/06/2017 15:32

If you lost your jobs and/or your rented home, you'd have to fall back on the state.
I don't personally consider that any of my business but I know people who are obsessed with the idea that people will accept handouts when they could work more to avoid it, because it's 'their' money paying for your lifestyle.
It's an immature view but it's out there: maybe that's people's problem.

Original poster
Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:32

norniron I've absolutely no problem with people doing the opposite either. I'm full of admiration for my sister who never stops (3 kids and a full time, self employed job).

OP posts:
witsender · 30/06/2017 15:33

That's the only thing that would worry me, I am a bit of a worrier though. In a few years time we may go travelling for a few years, my only stipulation is that I want to keep a foot in a house/flat/something so we aren't left behind when we get back.

It's not really different to you having one full time worker and a Sahp with a school age child is it, you just share.

I would want to be sure that we had the capacity to earn more should our outgoings go up, which is kind of out of our/your control really.

Shockers · 30/06/2017 15:33

We're similar, OP. I work 4 days (the most I've worked since we adopted our kids 17 years ago; DH works weekends and does his own marketing/admin during the week (a couple of hours a day).

We go on lots of holidays, but don't pay a fortune for them.

Our life is easy (my job is stressful, but I get 3 days a week off) and we have a lot of fun.

Most of our friends joke about how free and easy we are and how little we work.

But, we don't claim any benefits, other than PIP for DD. Everything we have is paid for, but not especially new and shiny. We're happy this way!

BabsGanoush · 30/06/2017 15:33

As long as you have enough savings for an emergency, insurance and pension etc then fine. It's a problem when you start needing benefits and food bank parcels and relying on the state.

Are you educated/have qualifications should you need to get employment quickly?

rattieofcarcassone · 30/06/2017 15:35

I think they take it as criticism. I chose to drop to a three day working week (though it averaged at 4 over the course of a year really) having worked full time or 6 days since i left school and the amount of comments I got about it were ridiculous. I didn't have my DD then and it was lovely having time to relax and actually enjoy my free time a bit.

Original poster
Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:36

Neither of us have degrees but we both worked hard in apprentice type set ups so we have valuable skill type jobs.

We have a little put away between us that would cover emergencies.

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/06/2017 15:40

Sounds great but as others have mentioned the only issue for me would be earning enough that I could make provision for falling on harder times so if you weren't able to work in the event of loss of jobs, redundancy, illness, old age, retirement.
I'm about 10 yrs off retirement and wish I'd made more provision for my old age when I was younger.
Other than that your life sounds lovely and rejects thus modern life idea that we should never be off duty and be working every waking hour.

JigsawBat · 30/06/2017 15:41

I'm similar to you, OP.

I've never had comments, but maybe people think it.

Maybe it is lazy, but I'm just not ambitious financially or career-wise. The simple life is perfect for me.

MaMisled · 30/06/2017 15:42

Good for you! Our lifestyle was like that for the 20 years our kids were growing up. Everything was second hand, holidays involved tents, I was an expert at stretching money. We both worked part time so we could all enjoy each other. No state hand outs, no frills, just managing to pay our bills with a few simple treats.

No one could understand it! Didn't we want state of the art electronics? Holidays to Florida? No! We really didn't!

We're both working full time now the kids are independent. Very happy still. Wouldn't have changed those years for anything!

AmysTiara · 30/06/2017 15:44

I think it sounds perfect for you.

DancesWithOtters · 30/06/2017 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eolian · 30/06/2017 15:49

YANBU. Work to live, not live to work. If you're happy and not running up debt, why on earth would anyone criticise?

BalloonSlayer · 30/06/2017 15:51

Bloody hell who calls getting up at 5am to give your child 1-1 attention lazy?!

BayLeaves · 30/06/2017 15:53

If you lost your jobs and/or your rented home, you'd have to fall back on the state.

This is the case for plenty of people who are in full-time employment too.

SkintAsASkintThing · 30/06/2017 15:54

I'd be wary tbh.

I've given up my life for ds, dp worked less hours at work and I stayed home as that was the.right thing to.do........fast forward a few years and ds is going to go into residential care very soon as he's too much to manage at home now.

And here I am, my life as I know it has stopped and I don't know what to.do with it (( or if I even want to be in it if I'm.honest )) we're screwed as we'd always just about managed with dps hours and tax credits......in all honesty if I.could go back in time 15 years I'd have been lot more insistent on carving out a little bit of a life for me and prioritising myself and financial security. I didn't and I regret that massively.

titchy · 30/06/2017 15:57

If you're all happy that's absolutely fine.

You won't be able to buy a house though, and I'd guess you have very little pension provision, but as long as you're comfortable with that I can't see what business it is of anyone's.

(Is your ds likely to want to do clubs or school trips abroad or 'stuff' as a teen?)

Original poster
Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:58

Haha, no pasta from scratch dances. I just couldn't be arsed when there's good fresh stuff at LIDL!

Exactly eolian I'm a work to live sort of person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 16:00

We'd be able to afford maybe a club or two a week is hope. Abroad school trip would have to be saved for in advance. I actually have a small pension I pay into at work but I've no idea what it's worth.

OP posts: