To wonder why people seem to have a problem with my 'lazy' lifestyle?

[Bumpandkind]

My dp and I both work part time. We don't own but happily rent a nice house. We have a son 4 why goes to school everyday of the week. We don't rely on anyone for money and have just enough for rent, food and a few treats. We can't for example afford a foreign holiday but we like caravan and camping holidays in the uk.
We can't really afford much new stuff but are happy with what we've got and can afford toys for birthdays and Christmas etc.

My days off look like this:
Get up at 5 and play with ds. He is awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD and everyday starts at 5 and its full on play time till he goes to school. The chances of him playing alone or watching tv are zero so it's full on for a while.

I go back to bed after dp takes him to school and surface about 10-11ish

I then potter and do house work, go for an hour or twos walk and just enjoy myself. Ds comes home and it's the usual routine that most parent have in the evening.

The same goes for dp. He works about 4 shifts a week and when off does gardening, cooking and sleeping.
People often make comments that if we worked more we could have so much more but we're happy as we are. The same goes for more children. Ds is a star but as most parent of children with ASD, life can be hectic and unpredictable and we are happy with just the one.

People constantly have to let me know how busy their lives are and it makes me feel a bit guilty that mine isn't.

That's one of my favourite little stories

doesn't stop me working 110 hours a week though

I would worry for my child after we had gone having nothing.

I would worry how to survive on a pension and support your child if he is unable to support himself when older.

I would not like to be 'poor' or 'just managing' and certainly wouldn't want DC to be if I could pass something on to them. Or worse be a burden to them.

PenguinBollard Ha, that stories great.

"Sadik where is it you live, it sounds fabulous?"
West wales - I think a lot of coastal areas are the same though - great light (for artists) and outdoors space but no-one stays there after school / moves there for the career opportunities

It wouldn't be a lifestyle choice for me, or dh, however we are naturally ambitious and professionally minded people, have been since I was in primary school as has dh.

For us our own home is very important, for the children's wellbeing and also security.

I'd also worry about emergency funds and also appliance funds etc..

Thanks sadik

(Gets onto google and rightmove )

As you're a carer for a disabled child OP, you're working incredibly hard 24/7. Don't let other people criticise your choices - most of them could make the same choices but just want to be a martyr or can only find value or identity through work. I am a carer for my autistic dd so I don't work, and I like nothing more than to potter about when she's at school. Lots of parents at school question why I wouldn't want a school hours job but frankly it's the only free time I get and I'm not giving up that time to spend in some dull office.

I am not too worried about old age. My parents have no private pension and are looked after pretty well just on pension credit. Having a low income in retirement is OK if you've learned to be frugal and unmaterialistic on a low income throughout your life.

Nobody on their death bed ever wished they had worked more

Plenty of newly retired people do though once they realise how little pension they have.

I think the frenetic life is a recent (recent as in the last 30 years) thing.

I've been reading books set in the 1930s/50s - people didn't have cars. So you only went as far as you had time to walk or where the bus took you. Maybe a week's holiday a year, no tv, no smartphone, and not a great deal about friends, I think you might have written to a friend/relative once a week. Or you might have had someone you played bridge with or went dancing with once a week and that was it.

It sounds like bliss to me.

I think you are looking forward to an impoverished old age. Or working for a very long time. Paying a small amount into a pension in a pt job isn't going to pay much out and definitely not enough to live on. Dh and I have worked out we will be getting one third of his current salary after having paid out for 20 years - will be 25 when he retires in 5 Years time at 55. This won't be our only income obvs.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-57524623.html

Right, I'm cashing in my chips and fucking off to this mortgage free little beauty to paint and walk by the sea

I see you claim tax credits? One of you could work full time and support your family. If we all lolloped about at home on part time work, there would be no one paying any tax to support those who genuinely need it. I'll stick my neck out and say you're selfish. And yes, as you used the word, lazy.

Yes I agree. Work to live not live to work and all that.

Definitely don't want to die and think I wish I worked less but I also don't want to get to 65 and think I wish I had more secure housing and more provision for retirement.

But it's your life and if you're happy that's what matters

I'm with you OP! Tomorrow is not guaranteed, enjoy your life NOW

It's your life! You pay your bills, don't rely on others and are happy with your arrangement. I don't see a problem at all.

And I might be a little jealous!

Sounds good to me.

My youngest is 17.

Four mornings a week I go to the gym after dropping her off at school.
I work only 15 hours a week.
I am not a go back to bed type and my days are very full.

I love my life.

They do rely on others if claiming tax credits. For me that's wrong for a lifestyle choice.

Presumably it's people that know you who are making comments? The only thing I would comment on from your OP is that you say your life is hectic. It's really not if you spend half of it in bed. Not that I'm judging, because so do I (due to illness) but if you are telling someone (like your sister) with 3 kids and a full time job that your life is so hectic, don't be surprised if they growl at you! 🤣

I also think that if you hadn't mentioned your child's SN, the comments on here would be very different.

I believe that different lifestyles suit different people, and if you're happy and your family's happy, and you have a plan in place for emergencies, that's okay.

I am the complete opposite of you. My personal life philosophy is "see how far you can go". If I get to see my name at the top of a major corporation someday, great! If I don't, I know I'll find comfort in the knowledge that I tried. I love the adrenaline of watching a deal come close to fruition, the feeling you get when speaking at a meeting and have people listen and follow, hell, even the office politics are interesting sometimes!

Some people seem to have a problem with that too. So really, you can't win either way. Live your life OP!

Chances are if the OPs first and only child has SN, she may not realise how much harder she actually works than parents with NT children, because she hasn't experienced that. (Just as my son didn't realise that he had a chronic pain disorder until he was quite old, because he just assumed that everybody's hands and legs hurt all the time.) So I wouldn't worry too much about the laziness aspect. Even getting to the point where you have a child assessed is likely to have cost a lot in terms of parental input.

Yes, pensions and the risk of losing tax credits should be factored in. But so should the costs that may ensue if your son starts struggling at school or cannot cope with school+ after school provision.

Some people always criticise others for choosing an option they wouldn't, they're not getting reassurance for their own choice. You do what works for you OP. I am a SAHM and DP has no desire to climb the rungs and we're comfortable as we are. We feel no need to add stress when we're happy. I'll probably work again once the kids are at school but it'll be my choice, not from pressure from other people. Some of us just don't want that life.

I think it sounds great and if you are happy with your lifestyle then it's fine. Life's short. Enjoy today

First step is to not care what other people think of your set up.
As long as it works for you. I've encountered the odd person that isn't very satisfied with my life choices as it was different to theirs. I don't listen to them.

ifcatscouldtalk yes of course, but not if the state isn't paying for able people to lie in bed all day..

Plenty of newly retired people do though once they realise how little pension they have

Some of us won't make the next few years, let alone retirement. And I regret working so bloody much.

Look out for tomorrow but don't neglect today.