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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people seem to have a problem with my 'lazy' lifestyle?

266 replies

Bumpandkind · 30/06/2017 15:24

My dp and I both work part time. We don't own but happily rent a nice house. We have a son 4 why goes to school everyday of the week. We don't rely on anyone for money and have just enough for rent, food and a few treats. We can't for example afford a foreign holiday but we like caravan and camping holidays in the uk.
We can't really afford much new stuff but are happy with what we've got and can afford toys for birthdays and Christmas etc.

My days off look like this:
Get up at 5 and play with ds. He is awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD and everyday starts at 5 and its full on play time till he goes to school. The chances of him playing alone or watching tv are zero so it's full on for a while.

I go back to bed after dp takes him to school and surface about 10-11ish Blush

I then potter and do house work, go for an hour or twos walk and just enjoy myself. Ds comes home and it's the usual routine that most parent have in the evening.

The same goes for dp. He works about 4 shifts a week and when off does gardening, cooking and sleeping.
People often make comments that if we worked more we could have so much more but we're happy as we are. The same goes for more children. Ds is a star but as most parent of children with ASD, life can be hectic and unpredictable and we are happy with just the one.

People constantly have to let me know how busy their lives are and it makes me feel a bit guilty that mine isn't.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 30/06/2017 16:32

Well tbh, you are not self supporting.

Most people (a large majority) aren't, on that basis. Primary education costs c £5k per child per annum. Secondary is £7k. With one child, you need to be earning more than £45k to be anywhere near covering your actual costs.....

mintbiscuit · 30/06/2017 16:34

Hm... i'm not entirely sure how I feel on this one. If you work part time and claim means tested benefits AND have the capacity to work more hours to avoid having to claim them, then I'm of the view you should should do so. I was a single parent for a number of years and had to work part time hours, therefore I relied on tax credits and was very grateful for the safety net. Married with more children now so can earn enough and work around childcare arrangements so do not have to rely on any benefits.

If it's a lifestyle choice and you don't have to claim any state benefits, then fine. Otherwise, I'm not sure I would be comfortable doing that. (But that is my choice).

lalalalyra · 30/06/2017 16:35

I actually think two people working part time can sometimes be more secure than one ft and one sahp. At least if one gets made redundant etc there is still one income coming in.

witsender · 30/06/2017 16:36

Well obviously Natalia, but covering your own day to day costs is a start.

PickAChew · 30/06/2017 16:37

People will always have an opinion on your lifestyle, whatever form it may take.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 30/06/2017 16:39

Hmm, just seen you rely on tax credits. Ignoring the rights and wrongs of calling yourself self-supporting when you claim those - I wouldn't bank on them. For all of Corbyn's success, we have a Tory government for the forseeable.

But you are in a better position than most if you and your DH both work part time, I assume it would be much easier for you to have one or both of you up their hours to make up the shortfall if tax credits are scrapped/reduced, compared to other families where one person is SAHP and the other works FT having to go out and find a job after being out of the work place for a while.

Definately do some long term planning. Sounds like you both like to just focus on the here and now (completely understandable with a high needs child!), but old age is usually easier to manage if planning for 30 years in advance. Dull, boring conversations need to be had. Smile

ShmooBooMoo · 30/06/2017 16:40

Tell people it't not about materialistic stuff for you and your DP, but quality time together. I think some people are so money-oriented that they can't understand.

PickAChew · 30/06/2017 16:40

And 5am starts are tough, especially with a child who is full on (and in danger of annoying the neighbours!) right from the moment they wake up.

Sadik · 30/06/2017 16:41

Totally normal approach to life where I live. I'd say round here work to live is the norm and people work the least hours that they can get away with financially.

I know plenty of people who do say 3 days a week then spend the other days at home with their kids (men as well as women) / surfing / whatever. Also lots of artists by profession who do 2-3 days a week shop work/caring/waitressing to actually pay the bills which realistically is the same thing.

Sadik · 30/06/2017 16:43

I also agree with the above comments that no-one would turn a hair if one of you was a SAHP and the other worked full time. Which is silly given 2 x part time jobs is probably more secure and offers more options to increase hours/income in the future if needed.

AfraidOfMyShadow · 30/06/2017 16:44

I'm a worrier. What kind of fallback do you have if something goes wrong? I.e you get ill, made redundant... how long would your savings last?

n0rtherrn · 30/06/2017 16:47

A lot of people seem to think everyone should work 9-5 Monday-Friday and anybody who works less is lazy or unusual.
I know think they are just jealous. Smile

ExConstance · 30/06/2017 16:47

Jealous, I suppose. I'm far to insecure to give up work, and thoroughly admire you, OP.

DancesWithOtters · 30/06/2017 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleightOfHand · 30/06/2017 16:48

You carry on OP, life is short, enjoy it and be happy. Best wishes to you.

Figaro2017 · 30/06/2017 16:50

Nobody on their death bed ever wished they had worked more or had less sex.

mayhew · 30/06/2017 16:50

My main concern would be the future . Housing and pension.

I've worked pt for years and recently retired (although still doing two/three days a week) and taken my pension early. The mortgage was paid off early as a priority. One adult child, low stress.
My colleague, same age and pension, rents.
Her rent costs the same as she gets in pension.
I would really recommend buying a modest property if at all possible

BayLeaves · 30/06/2017 16:51

Sadik You're totally right. Another equivalent scenario would be someone working full time who chooses to take a new job that pays 60% of their previous salary but offers a lot more life satisfaction, less stressful, better work-life balance etc. As long as that decision didnt cast you into poverty I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get anywhere near so many comments about "what if something goes wrong" etc.

I think working hard and working a lot is seen as such a virtue in our society, so when someone chooses to work less it's seen as lazy and irresponsible. But as long as you're not relying on the state to prop you up, that shouldn't be the case.

DP33333 · 30/06/2017 16:53

I'm not jealous. Would rather work. I like my holidays and don't like spending too much time with the kids! That's what after school clubs and grandparents are for!

candleinthewalk · 30/06/2017 16:54

Sadik where is it you live, it sounds fabulous?

Oshbosh · 30/06/2017 16:54

Surely a SAHP with a full time eno loud partner is at just as much risk of redundancy or job loss. I think 2 parents working part time is a great idea. Plus (I may he wrong here) surely it's much more tax efficient as both of you get to make use of your tax free earnings Co so deserving youre in the UK and can't transfer your allowance.

SafeToCross · 30/06/2017 16:55

Yes, and having to work to 68 or whatever before state pension, and then having to meet the rent out of that. Ouch. I am not a live for today person generally though, although also not big on overwork or no time with the family...I don't think you are lazy though, and your parenting input will pay off a trillion times over for your son and may make his future life work and relationships all more comfortable.

Oshbosh · 30/06/2017 16:55

*Co so deserving?? Assuming

PenguinBollard · 30/06/2017 16:58

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

hellokittymania · 30/06/2017 16:59

I am very active and need to keep busy, although sometimes for me, busy means listening to YouTube in different languages or coloring.

I run my own organization but I also have learning difficulties and have a disability on top of that. People don't realize how tired I get and sometimes, my work can really really take the wind out of my sale

I was interviewing personal assistant two weeks ago, hired somebody who didn't work out and it was really exhausting.

Even if I am watching something in a different language, I consider it very useful although it's relaxing as I speak seven languages and need to constantly practice them so I don't forget them. I also have a lot of issues with upper body strength and motor issues, so coloring and doing other activities like cooking really help me with my coordination and also my hand and wrist strength.

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