To wonder why people seem to have a problem with my 'lazy' lifestyle?

[Bumpandkind]

My dp and I both work part time. We don't own but happily rent a nice house. We have a son 4 why goes to school everyday of the week. We don't rely on anyone for money and have just enough for rent, food and a few treats. We can't for example afford a foreign holiday but we like caravan and camping holidays in the uk.
We can't really afford much new stuff but are happy with what we've got and can afford toys for birthdays and Christmas etc.

My days off look like this:
Get up at 5 and play with ds. He is awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD and everyday starts at 5 and its full on play time till he goes to school. The chances of him playing alone or watching tv are zero so it's full on for a while.

I go back to bed after dp takes him to school and surface about 10-11ish

I then potter and do house work, go for an hour or twos walk and just enjoy myself. Ds comes home and it's the usual routine that most parent have in the evening.

The same goes for dp. He works about 4 shifts a week and when off does gardening, cooking and sleeping.
People often make comments that if we worked more we could have so much more but we're happy as we are. The same goes for more children. Ds is a star but as most parent of children with ASD, life can be hectic and unpredictable and we are happy with just the one.

People constantly have to let me know how busy their lives are and it makes me feel a bit guilty that mine isn't.

Sounds great, OP. I would just echo the thought about having a cushion for a rainy day (not necessarily owning a house, maybe decent savings/pension).

But otherwise: if it suits you and your family, who cares what other people think?!?

The only issue is that when you can no longer work to live you will still need to pay rent as opposed to having free accommodation because you have paid off a mortgage on a home. And you will have very little if any private pension to top up the state pension.

It just doesn't seem very irresponsible to me. Why wouldn't you want some financial security for your ds? Are you really happy with just getting by?

I'm not very materialistic myself, live in a very modest house etc. but I'm thinking of my dc and what's best for them.

Actually I'd say it sounds a little irresponsible and selfish.

But we are all free to make our own choices and if you are happy then good for you.

Well, I would worry about stability with renting long term, particularly if you have a DC who doesn't cope well with change. If you are in a situation where you could increase your hours so you would be able to save for a deposit/get a mortgage, then I would think it would best to do that now.

But then that's what would be best for me, I'm rather risk adverse and didn't like the idea of not having control over my housing I felt when renting (we had landlord sell up, another one who wanted the property back for an elderly relative, it wasn't a big deal before DC, but didn't want that "oh fuck, we've got to move again" feeling once we had DCs. Obviously you can lose your home if you've bought but don't pay the mortgage, however it's much more in your control.)

If you are comfortable where you are, know your landlord etc, then it's not really anyone else's business if you prefer things this way. As others have said, it's a bit like having a SAHP - just you split it over 2 of you rather than 1 working FT.

Don't compare with your sister, she doesn't ahve a child with additional needs, and if you don't want the rest of her lifestyle (the more money/holidays etc) then you don't have to feel guilty for not wanting the work bit.

It wouldn't be the life for me, but if you love it and it works for you then perfect! Don't listen to anyone else.

It's entirely your business and if you're happy than good for you. I wouldn't be able to live your lifestyle because I love working, I love foreign holidays, and I'm quite anxious so I'd constantly feel worried about what if something bad happened, or how we'll provide for ourselves in our old age, or what about when the kids get older and they want more expensive things/experiences - but that's me not you.

A colleague works part time as does her partner, they have an eight year old child. They seem to have a great balance between work and family. They refuse to be drawn into consumerism and their child gets toys for birthdays and Christmas but doesn't get bought anything else the rest of the year. Their child is happy and a pleasure to be around , she doesn't seem to expect things like other children I know.
As a family they are always having days out at the beach or at museums etc, their child's last birthday party was a day in the forest building camps with a few friends and their parents.
My children are grown up now but if I had to do it all again I would want to do it like my work colleague who is a seriously chilled, happy person. Both me and my husband always worked full time and paid a fortune in childcare, we also bought out children toys etc out of guilt. We also thought we 'deserved' family holidays abroad when in fact I remember that when we went away in this country for cheap breaks our children loved it, they thought it was so exciting to stay in a caravan.
Do what works for you and your family, it doesn't matter what others say to you.

If you both work part time effectively it's the same as a household where one person works full time, and the other doesn't work. Which is fairly common when families have dependent children. I don't really understand why anyone would criticise your situation. It sounds like you've arranged your time to suit your particular needs around your children.

oh yes, and worth factoring in you will need a bigger, not smaller pension than most if you have no plans to buy property in the future - most "average pensioner spending" info things assume no housing costs.

It's worth looking what that predicted work pension will be for both you and DH. (I wouldn't be relying on there being a decent state pension by the time anyone currently in their 30s or less retires).

Having a mortgage does not give you more security. If you cant pay you can lose the house and still owe the mortgage company money.

In the long term it does.

I think it is fine and like pp said 1 to 1 at 5am is not lazy!
As long as you have some savings for emergencies.
I think some people are probably wondering why they are working full time for more money, and then instead of questioning themselves are questioning you.

Do you claim tax credits or housing benefit?

Thanks for the opinions. It's made me think I really should check out what's in my pension and nag dp to actually start one .

Ds is back so it's my busy time now. I don't think I'll be able to post for a bit.

Agree wholeheartedly with DurhamDurham. Besides, with property prices these days there is no guarantee a couple both working full-time hours would be able to afford to buy a house either.

Quality of life is what counts, not the house you own or don't own.

I was about to say the same assassinated. Both working part time, no different to one full time and a stay at home parent.

Nothing is set in stone, you may increase hours as little one gets older, but you're happy now, and it doesn't sound lazy to me.

Life is short. Enjoy without worrying about judgements of others.

We get judged being self employed, pisses me off no end, but am learning to not let it get to me so much.

I think it sounds great in terms of a lifestyle. But do you have long-term security?

Do you both want to keep working (even though part time) until you die? Because otherwise how will you afford the rent? Is your housing secure?

What will happen to DS later in life, will he be OK on his own (I don't mean this to sound bitchy at all, but I hope to god you are not expecting the state to look after him if he can't look after himself, because there is NO provision for adults with HF ASD). We're working like dogs just now so we can sock away all DS's DLA, because he'll have to buy in any support or help he needs when me and DH are gone.

Tax credits yes, housing benefit no.

So....I personally think you do what works for you. But I shall make the point to other posters that if a single parent were to say what the OP has said, there would be a public lynching. Double standards, as always.

Well tbh, you are not self supporting. I would be very keen to move off needing tax credits. A) because as left wing as I am choosing to work very part time while claiming TC doesn't sit right with me and B) because you never know when the system might change and you don't get any/as much.

Your days off sound fab. I'm quite envious. I never get time alone without my DS. I work fulltime

YANBU. Having a child with ASD is absolutely exhausting. Do whatever you need to for the sake of your sanity. I work a 70% contract and feel stuck in a job I don't like because there is no way I could manage full time with an autistic child. I feel lucky to have survived to manage work at all. Loads of parents of SN children are unable to work at all through no fault of their own.

You're doing great.

lonnyWe are at the middle stage at the moment in regard to ds's ASD diagnosis. He's been observed in a school and home environment, reports have been made and we're waiting for a paediatrician appointment. I have no idea how he'll be as an adult. It seems so mild I hope ok but I guess you can't tell at 4. If he was to require care as an adult I'd change my lifestyle. Right now, being on hand for him most of the time feels like the best I can do for him at the moment.

DJBaggySmalls - if you can't pay you can lose your house, but we had been in the position twice where we were perfectly lovely tenants who paid our rent via standing order monthly without ever an issue, kept properties spotless and didn't damage anything, didn't bother the neighbours etc, yet were given notice. (once for the landlord selling up, other time they wanted a relative to move in). Non-payment is the only reason you can lose a home you have bought, there's lots of reasons you can end up losing your home if you rent, many of which you can have no control over /able to plan for.

Plus if you don't pay the mortgage, it's very hard for the mortgage provider to reposess now, it's much harder to get you out of a house you have bought but not paid the mortgage on, compared to getting you out of a house you are renting and not paid the rent. They have to prove they have tried to help you, there are options like going interest only, increasing the term etc to reduce your monthly bill if you can't afford it. Many mortgage providers allow for "payment holidays" where you take a break from paying for a few months, I've never heard a landlord offer something like that!

And as Witsender says, eventually the debt is paid off and you effectively live for free in your property, with no one having any right to get you out.

Tenant rights in the UK are frankly crap.

Seriously your life sounds harder than mine
I have 3 NT kids 3-7 who wake up at 8 or 930/10 weekends.
No problem at all
Au pair
Enjoyable 9-5 job
Supportive young DH

Many of my friends have asd kids and omg esp the boys are extremely hard work once they're 6 or older physically hard to restrain rude socially excluded aggressive etc

U have that behaviour plus a 5am wake up. TBH I don't know if I'd manage to work 4 days with that

Sorry if this is unhelpful just appreciate what you do do rather than you don't ! There's a reason you've made certain decisions don't beat yourself up over it