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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to wash my friend's clothes?

238 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/06/2017 07:16

My friend asked me to water her plants while she went backpacking round Asia for 6 weeks. No problem, happy to do it, got her key off her.

First time I went to her flat (about 3 days after she left) she had a full load of washing sitting in her machine all wet! And a few dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing extreme, looks like she had a quick meal before she left for the airport and didn't have time to wash up.

Anyway I washed the dishes and popped them on the draining board, took the washing out (which stank of course) and popped it in a bin bag, took it to mine, re-washed the load and then put it through the tumble dryer (my friend doesn't have one).

Next time I went I put it all, folded, on her bed.

There's no way I was gonna let her ruin a full load, after 6 weeks the clothes would have been mouldy beyond repair! I did more plant watering after that and didn't interfere in any other way.

Anyway she came back early this morning and has sent me a text that basically says thanks for watering her plants but she's a bit annoyed that I 'took it upon myself' to 'clean her kitchen' and come in her bedroom, she feels a bit judged, she was in a rush when she left and she feels it was intrusive Shock

I thought I was being a good friend. AIBU or is she being precious?

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 30/06/2017 07:18

I would respond and say you are sorry she feels that way but point out what you said to us re the wet washing, its common sense and she may have forgotten that's how she left them.

Cupcakegirl13 · 30/06/2017 07:18

You were just being kind and a good friend she needs to get over herself

ZZZZ1111 · 30/06/2017 07:19

I would have been really pleased if a friend had done that for me!

SillyMoomin · 30/06/2017 07:20

She probably feels a bit embarrassed so is feeling defensive, but if you were my friend I'd be so grateful you'd spotted I'd left washing in the machine

My neighbour comes to check on post etc when DH and I are away and she often checks the fridge / sink and chucks out milk etc we forgot to throw before we left.

Leave it a few days for her to get over the hurt pride thing then just carry on as Normal

RickOShay · 30/06/2017 07:20

I would be so grateful if you had done that for me. I think your friend may have some issues, perhaps she is insecure and feels judged easily.
If she is a good pal, reassure her that you just thought she was in a rush. You sound lovely, don't feel bad.

WonderLime · 30/06/2017 07:23

You was being a good friend, but I think she was a bit embarrassed by it. Maybe just apologise that you didn't mean to make her feel judged and that you just wanted to make it nice for when she came home (but don't feels obliged to go above and beyond for her again).

Funnily enough though, I remember seeing a post on her a week or two ago about a MiL who had taken some washing home and the OP was livid about it. Most MNs agreed it was an invasion of privacy (whereas I'd be thrilled if someone did my laundry!).

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/06/2017 07:23

Normally I am in the "I would hate if anyone did my washing" camp but after 6 weeks they would have been ruined so yanbu, you did a nice thing. I also can't believe after watering her plants she had the brass neck to say anything either, talk about ungrateful!!

What did you say back to her op?

TowerRose · 30/06/2017 07:25

If you washed other clothes of hers I'd see her point, but to wash clothes stuck in the machine that long? I'd be beyond grateful you thought to do it Smile

Jinglebells99 · 30/06/2017 07:25

Wow.. that's ungrateful. I wouldn't really want someone wandering around my house while I was away cos I'm untidy and I'd think they would judge but you saved her washing and washed up. Maybe it would have been better to have just done the washing and left it in the kitchen. I would write her a message explaining as your op but wouldn't go out of my way to help her again. Her washing would have stunk after 6 weeks away.

Rainbunny · 30/06/2017 07:25

I get that you meant it as a nice gesture but also... it's one of those tricky "boundaries" situations and I can see why she might feel judged by implication of you cleaning up after her.

Personally I hate anyone else doing my washing because I have many clothes that can all go in the same wash but must be dried in a specific manner (some items are ok in the tumble dryer but others must be air dried etc...). I'd just apologise and explain that you were really worried that her clothes would be lost for good if they were left for the six weeks.

Fairylea · 30/06/2017 07:26

I think you were trying to be a good friend and she should have just said thank you even if she was a bit embarrassed or annoyed by it. She was rude.

MsMims · 30/06/2017 07:26

YANBU - that was really kind. After 6 weeks the dishes would have been disgusting and the clothes ruined. I'd be really grateful in her shoes, maybe she's embarrassed?

Dawnedlightly · 30/06/2017 07:26

How rude. Tell her the whole house would have stunk to high heaven if you hadn't rewashed her clothes.

emsyj37 · 30/06/2017 07:27

YANBU to have done the washing and she is v ungrateful - but I would never go in someone's bedroom unless they were there and they expressly invited me in. She still shouldnt be so rude and ungrateful tho.

AtHomeDadGlos · 30/06/2017 07:29

A friend's father once washed my car as I'd left it on his driveway while I went on holiday with his son.

It was nice to have a clean car when we got back! Smile

SparklyLeprechaun · 30/06/2017 07:30

She probably forgot she left the washing in the washing machine and thought you went through her laundry basket. That would have annoyed me.

Allthewaves · 30/06/2017 07:31

I prob wouldn't have gone in her bedroom but would have done everything else

SwissChristmasMuseum · 30/06/2017 07:33

You certainly shouldn't have gone in her bedroom. That's intrusive.

Thinkingblonde · 30/06/2017 07:33

I've done the same for my friend and neighbour. I emptied the kitchen bin as she'd forgotten to do it and noticed washing still in the machine as I passed it on the way to outside bin. I took it home, rewashed and dried it, folded it all but left it on her table instead of going upstairs.
If I hadn't done it the clothes and machine would have been ruined.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/06/2017 07:35

She would have come back to. stinky kitchen full of flies from food residue and ruined clothes. I think you were a good friend to her, but given her reaction I'd be reluctant to do further favours.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/06/2017 07:35

Just text back " your clothes would've been ruined after 6 weeks" and leave it at that. She'll get over herself.

TrueLove83 · 30/06/2017 07:35

Lovely gesture but I think I wouldn't have gone into her bedroom and honestly I would have just popped a text asking

Chloe84 · 30/06/2017 07:35

Well you know what to say next time she asks you to water her plants! Cheeky bint.

Maybe she didn't realise the clothes were wet when she left them? But still, no need for her to take offence.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/06/2017 07:35

I wouldn't have gone into her bedroom either tbh,I'd have left the clothes in the kitchen.

emmyrose2000 · 30/06/2017 07:36

You did her a huge favour in washing the clothes. After 6 weeks they would've been too mouldy to salvage, and I dread to think what the smell would've been like. If someone did that for me, I'd be hugely grateful.

The only thing I might've done differently is to have left the clothes folded in a laundry basket and left in the laundry, rather than on the bed. But really, if it was a choice between mouldy clothes and clean clothes on my bed, the latter would definitely win out.