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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to wash my friend's clothes?

238 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/06/2017 07:16

My friend asked me to water her plants while she went backpacking round Asia for 6 weeks. No problem, happy to do it, got her key off her.

First time I went to her flat (about 3 days after she left) she had a full load of washing sitting in her machine all wet! And a few dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing extreme, looks like she had a quick meal before she left for the airport and didn't have time to wash up.

Anyway I washed the dishes and popped them on the draining board, took the washing out (which stank of course) and popped it in a bin bag, took it to mine, re-washed the load and then put it through the tumble dryer (my friend doesn't have one).

Next time I went I put it all, folded, on her bed.

There's no way I was gonna let her ruin a full load, after 6 weeks the clothes would have been mouldy beyond repair! I did more plant watering after that and didn't interfere in any other way.

Anyway she came back early this morning and has sent me a text that basically says thanks for watering her plants but she's a bit annoyed that I 'took it upon myself' to 'clean her kitchen' and come in her bedroom, she feels a bit judged, she was in a rush when she left and she feels it was intrusive Shock

I thought I was being a good friend. AIBU or is she being precious?

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 30/06/2017 08:08

You should have shat on the clothes and smashed the dishes.

You were NOT unreasonable.

She's rude!

junebirthdaygirl · 30/06/2017 08:12

We went on holidays and allowed a friend and her family to stay in our home for the duration. We live in a nice tourist area and they couldnt afford a holiday. When l came back she had cleaned every inch of the house. Places l didnt even know needed cleaning. For the first hour l was raging embarrassed and upset. But after that l got over it and enjoyed the cleanliness. She may have fired off that text in those first moments.
I had visitors later that day and the mom said..l hate you your house is so clean. How do you do it? I smiled sweetly!.
She may get over it quickly and appreciate it. I would text back..sorry youre upset.
I would be slow to take on any chores again as she is ungrateful.

SaucyJack · 30/06/2017 08:12

I don't think it was intrusive.

If she considers you a close enough friend to ask you to look after her plants for six weeks, then you're close enough to walk into her bedroom for the 10 secs it took to put the re-washed stuff on the bed IMO.

cherrylove · 30/06/2017 08:12

You did a good thing. Your friend is probably embarrassed. I would be really grateful. She's rude.

SquinkiesRule · 30/06/2017 08:15

How rude. I'd text back, your clothes were left wet in the machine and smelling out the place, in 6 weeks they would have been fit for the bin, so you are welcome. Remind me not to do you any more favours.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/06/2017 08:16

She's being a bit precious but obviously feels judged.

I'd have been immensely grateful for you preventing the mould build up, especially in the clothes, but I think I would have preferred it if you'd left the clean clothes piled in the living area rather than the bedroom. I wouldn't have been over happy for you to go into my bedroom, especially as it's usually a complete state when I go on holiday!

MissWilmottsGhost · 30/06/2017 08:17

Hmm. How did you know the clothes were in the machine unless you were nosing about? Maybe she is wondering whether you went through her whole house or just the kitchen? I might be a bit uncomfortable with that too.

If she left it like that it is her problem. You did a kind thing but it is a bit intrusive unless she is a really close friend.

Sconesnotscones · 30/06/2017 08:17

To me it would depend on the type of washing machine and its location. If it's a front loader and in the kitchen, I'd thinks thanks for that, but if it's a top loader in a separate laundry room, I'd be put out, as I would feel you'd been snooping because you had to actively go into the laundry and lift the lid. Additionally, I would see the dishes being washed as a reproof of what a slob I am.

I probably am hypersensitive/paranoid because I know I am one of the world's great slobs, and would really feel your actions as a reflection of this.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 30/06/2017 08:17

Text her back:
"Hi friend, I'm sorry if you think I've overstepped. I noticed the clothes wet, in the machine as there was a bit of a smell. Once I re-washed them I wasn't sure where to put the clean clothes and as your bedroom door was ajar, I left the clean, dry clothes at the end of your bed. Plants were also watered during your break. Hope you had a lovely time in Asia, all the best, Cherry"

She sounds very ungrateful.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/06/2017 08:18

I think I'd text back something like

"I had I not done if your clothes and possibly your machine would have been ruined but I think it is probably one of those situations where I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't with you. Next time maybe ask someone else to do you a favour that last six week. Your welcome for that by the way"

KoalaDownUnder · 30/06/2017 08:18

Shock I think she was rude and ungrateful. It's common sense not to leave clothes wet for SIX WEEKS.

murmuration · 30/06/2017 08:20

I think you did fine, but I would somehow reply that reminds her the clothes were wet! After 6 weeks of backpacking, she may remember she intended to wash some clothes, but not that she had actually started. She may have thought you took them out of a basket or something.

Also, it doesn't sound like this is an issue here, but for those with tumble dryers do be carefull about putting others' laundry through yours unasked. We don't have a tumble dryer and were visiting my mother, who took it upon herself to wash some of our clothes and dry them. Some trousers and tops shrunk so much in the heat that I could never wear them again, and the dryer destroyed a frilly dress of DD's (which I normally wash in the washer, but in one of those mesh laundry bags, and I don't even put it on the line outside it's so deliticate, I just lie it flat on a table).

babybubblescomingsoon · 30/06/2017 08:21

Can you be my friend please?

pudcat · 30/06/2017 08:22

If you had left the washing and the dishes then I am sure your friend would be asking you why you didn't notice the smell and do something to help. And why should it matter just putting a pile of clothes on the bed? So ungrateful.

Babbaganush · 30/06/2017 08:23

You did a really nice thing and she should be grateful! It's not as if you went hunting for her laundry basket to put a wash on and reorganised her wardrobe while she was away!!!!
I don't see anything wrong with putting them on the bed ready for her to put away, I think she has over reacted.

ToddlerIs2 · 30/06/2017 08:24

You cab house sit for me anytime!

I wouldn't be rude or agressive in or text. Just tell her you're sorry she's upset - you assumed she'd not had chance to sort the washing so you tried to help her out so the clothes weren't ruined. Hope she had a nice .

I then woukdnt contact her until she contacted me

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/06/2017 08:25

If it's a flat, then it's likely not that big, so it wouldn't have been hard to spot wet clothes in a machine! Hardly going to have a separate laundry in a flat in the UK, not in my experience anyway!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/06/2017 08:25

I would have rewashed the clothes and then put them on airer so they didn't get ruined. I might have washed up too. remind her the clothes were wet in the machine. she can't really complain you saved them.

Rossigigi · 30/06/2017 08:25

I would have been grateful. My neighbour comes in, sorts my mail, feeds my animals and plants, close and u close curtains, will take out and dry laundry if a load was on as we were leaving- and I do the same for her. Never thought about it being on to be honest Blush

Rossigigi · 30/06/2017 08:26

*odd

Sunshinegirls · 30/06/2017 08:26

Holy shit! You sound lovely, she sounds like an arse.

user1495915742 · 30/06/2017 08:27

"Sorry, I thought you would appreciate coming back to a flat that didn't stink of old food and wet clothes. I was obviously wrong."

Going above and beyond isn't always worth it, is it?

You sound like a lovely friend.

Sunshinegirls · 30/06/2017 08:29

She should be bringing you wine for looking after her plants. Not texting a complaint.

SexandDrugsandaNiceCuppa · 30/06/2017 08:30

Bloody hell, what an ungrateful cow. I would have been sending you flowers to say thank you! And surely if someone is trusted to the extent you'd give them a key to your home, why would you give a shit if they went in your bedroom for 3 seconds? It's just a room with a bed in it! If you're the sort of person who gets mortified by a messy bedroom, then surely you'd tidy up before entrusting your key to a friend.
Obviously if you have a sex dungeon then all bets are off, but I believe most people lock them anyway......WinkWink

KoalaDownUnder · 30/06/2017 08:31

And surely if someone is trusted to the extent you'd give them a key to your home, why would you give a shit if they went in your bedroom for 3 seconds?

Exactly.

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