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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to wash my friend's clothes?

238 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/06/2017 07:16

My friend asked me to water her plants while she went backpacking round Asia for 6 weeks. No problem, happy to do it, got her key off her.

First time I went to her flat (about 3 days after she left) she had a full load of washing sitting in her machine all wet! And a few dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing extreme, looks like she had a quick meal before she left for the airport and didn't have time to wash up.

Anyway I washed the dishes and popped them on the draining board, took the washing out (which stank of course) and popped it in a bin bag, took it to mine, re-washed the load and then put it through the tumble dryer (my friend doesn't have one).

Next time I went I put it all, folded, on her bed.

There's no way I was gonna let her ruin a full load, after 6 weeks the clothes would have been mouldy beyond repair! I did more plant watering after that and didn't interfere in any other way.

Anyway she came back early this morning and has sent me a text that basically says thanks for watering her plants but she's a bit annoyed that I 'took it upon myself' to 'clean her kitchen' and come in her bedroom, she feels a bit judged, she was in a rush when she left and she feels it was intrusive Shock

I thought I was being a good friend. AIBU or is she being precious?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 30/06/2017 08:36

I find it hard to believe she would really have preferred to come home to a full load of stinking ruined clothes . so I guess she is embarrassed and maybe jet lagged.
She had been rude though, and needs to apologise.

TipTopTipTopClop · 30/06/2017 08:38

I think you've both been unreasonable.

You should have considered the possibility that she would not take kindly to this, and viewed it as she did: a judgement.

She should have considered your overall good nature (you do seem really lovely) and set aside her feelings and thanked you.

Sorry that this has happened. It sounds very unpleasant.

BabsGanoush · 30/06/2017 08:40

Reply: 'I was being a good friend. Hope you find someone else to water your plants next time.'

PurpleAlerts · 30/06/2017 08:40

You went into her house regularly over a six week period to water her plants and check the house over and she has the audacity to complain about you doing her a very big favour that resulted in not coming back to a load of smelly ruined clothes and a kitchen full of flies and cockroaches?

Jeez. Hmm

Regardless of how embarrassed she might feel about being disorganised enough to have left her place in such a mess- when friends do a massive favour like you have- you suck it up and say thank you.

Not sure I would be doing her any more favours.

Yukbuck · 30/06/2017 08:42

Wow I think your friend is hugely overreacting. I'd be soooo grateful if a friend did this for me. Clothes stink after just a few days let alone 6 weeks. Did she honestly think she'd have been able to come back and re wash them?!
If I was in your shoes I'd have done the same and I know my friends would be grateful. I would have probably sent a quick whatsapp or whatever form of contact they were using along the way just to give a pre warning.

troodiedoo · 30/06/2017 08:45

Ungrateful mare! Suspect she is just embarrassed though.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 30/06/2017 08:46

Your friend is ungrateful. You sound kind and sensible.
If she had a pop at you like this when you absolutely did the right thing, what would she have honestly said if you left the clothes to rot? With people like that you just can't win.
What's she like normally?

JacquesHammer · 30/06/2017 08:49

Wow some people are ridiculously precious. Do people actually care if a friend goes into their bedroom?!

To be honest I would chalk it up as a lesson learned and give over bothering about the plants.

Only1scoop · 30/06/2017 08:55

"Hope you had a great time, just didn't want your clothes to go mouldy"

ScarletForYa · 30/06/2017 08:55

You weren't unreasonable to wash the clothes but leaving them on the bed was probably a bit much.

However your friend sounds a bit of a flake leaving a full wet wash in the machine.

Only1scoop · 30/06/2017 08:55

I wouldn't enter into anything else I'd just NEVER water those plants again.

DeleteOrDecay · 30/06/2017 08:58

You've saved her a fair bit of money and aggro in doing what you did. I'd tell her that you weren't judging her at all and that you were trying to be helpful, the clothes would have had to be thrown away if you'd left them.

ClopySow · 30/06/2017 08:58

I had to leave in a rush to the next city when i was having my baby. House was a tip. When we got home 2 weeks later, mum had tidied my bedroom, put on clean bedding, sorted the airing cupboard from hell and painted my kitchen roof ( which we were just about to start when i went away). We were mortified but very very grateful. She did it so i could come home with a new baby and not have to worry.

Only1scoop · 30/06/2017 09:11

I wouldn't even engage in texts/ conversation using 'judging'. That's her perception. Leave her to it. No need to explain more.

misit · 30/06/2017 09:12

I always leave my house in pristine condition when I go on holiday. I used to have a very judgy friend with a key, she's long gone but now I don't want any burglars to think badly of me.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 09:13

After six weeks, it's quite possible she'd have been dealing with a washing machine that needed some full on cleaning before she could get the smell of the mould out of it to actually use it... not just the clothes (which would pbviously have had to all be binned).

And the dishes?! What did she think she'd have come back to?!!!

Leave it a bit then post roughly what you did here - then breezily say that's fine, I won't be offended if you find someone else to care for the plants etc next time.

RhubardGin · 30/06/2017 09:15

Ungrateful cow.

Well if she didn't want to feel judged she shouldn't have left her home looking like a shit tip.

Text her and say that you thought you were being kind as you didn't think she would like to come home to mouldy clothes and plates, next time you won't bother!

CoraPirbright · 30/06/2017 09:16

I do wonder if she realises she left the wet load in the wm. She sounds pretty flakey to be going away on a long trip and be so disorganised. I would reply something like: "I didn't go rummaging around in your laundry basket or anything!! The load was left wet in the wm and I didn't want your clothes to be ruined and mouldy so just gave them a quick run through and bunged them on your bed. No biggie. Thought I was doing a good turn. Won't be doing that again".

She really owes you an apology.

livefornaps · 30/06/2017 09:21

I wouldn't reply. She was just goading you. You don't owe it to her to explain yourself, she's being an ungrateful so and so!! Say nothing and wait until she gets in touch again. She'll see the mistake she's made herself. To be honest it sounds like she doesn't deserve a friend like you. Maybe in her mind you're "perfect" and your kind act has only highlighted her own housekeeping insecurities and so she's taken the clean clothes & kitchen almost as a form of aggression. Like she's circling her territory and snarling "back off my untidy pit!!" So just leave her to snarl, she's being ridiculous. Whenever you get back from a big trip, there is a weird feeling akin to goldilocks and the three bears "who's been sitting in MY CHAIR?!" and its completely illogical. She'll see this in a while! But she should have held back, especially if you're good friends. If she gets in touch & mentions it, just laugh and say, "oh yeah, and that's the last time I'm watering your plants, Goldilocks darlin'"Wink

hazeydays14 · 30/06/2017 09:25

YADNBU and she definitely is by texting you that.

It's possible she forgot she put a load on and thought you went looking in her laundry basket which would have been intrusive. She could just be embarrassed about leaving her flat the way she did. Either way she shouldn't be so ungrateful.

I don't really understand the preciousness of people's bedrooms, having said that I haven't been in my PILs (who I live with) and if I do any washing for them I leave it in the spare room (and they do the same for us). I suppose that's the only thing you could have done differently, but I really don't see it as a big deal.

sonjadog · 30/06/2017 09:29

I am the opposite of her. I´m going away on Monday for a month and a friend of mine is staying her for a couple of weeks while I´m away. I´m wondering if I leave gardening stuff sitting out, would she take the hint and do some weeding/clipping for me...

livefornaps · 30/06/2017 09:32

And if you do feel the need to reply, no way should you apologise/explain/hedge. Just say something like "oi! slattern! that's the favor you'll see from me then!"

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 30/06/2017 09:36

I would be grateful but in her eyes you over-stepped. Conveniently forgetting you were kind enough to come round and water her precious plants for 6 weeks. Did they survive? Job done. And you saved her a lot of bother wih her washing and the washing machine.

She was embarrassed, she sounded off, I'd hope next time you see each other she's had time to rethink.

HotelEuphoria · 30/06/2017 09:40

I would have done the washing up and washing but left the clothes folded in the kitchen.

However she is ungrateful considering you have trailed to her house for six weeks, so I would be inclined to reply sorry she felt her privacy was invaded but her house bloody stank and you were offended by the smell.

Mumzypopz · 30/06/2017 09:47

Perhaps she forgot about the wet washing in the machine, and thought you had gone through her laundry basket. If it was me, I would have left a note on the folded washing saying, "I noticed you had left wet washing in the machine and as you were away six weeks, I didn't want it to go mouldy, so have washed it for you".

Years ago we went on holiday and had asked our in-laws to collect us from the airport. When we got to her house, my works jackets and other stuff were all over her house (back of chairs etc). She had gone to my house, without invitation, and gone through my washbasin and took it all to hers and washed it. I was cross and horrified. No doubt she thought she was being nice.