To not go with 18 yo DD for an injection?

[danielandgeorgia]

DD is getting that new meningitis injection next week. She wants me to come with her. AIBU to say she is old enough to go alone?

And you joined MN just to ask this?

The house work that the magic pixies do if you don't bother? Clearly not the ordinary stuff that actually does need doing occasionally. Amazing men get such a hard time on here for not doing their share really, when its so disposable.

If there was a reason to think that the dd was in need of support - if the OP said she suffered from anxiety, or had ASD or a phobia of doctors - I'd agree with you. But there isnt. So if OP would rather clean her house so she can sit down this weekend why shouldn't she?

Because the OP's daughter asked her to go with her. Is that not a good enough reason, given that the OP didn't have anything pressing to do?

Lovely message to send to your child - you'd rather do the housework. A simple human kindness is all that is being asked for. Clearly that's too much for some of the mealy-mouthed on here. I am raising my child to be independent, but if she asked me to accompany her to the doctors, like hell would I refuse. There's a reason she is asking, but I'll bet she won't ask again. Sad.

I have been with my best friend to a medical appointment that was just run of the mill. She could have done it without me but clearly she wanted my company for whatever reason. I had nothing else to do that was important so I went.

I hate going to the dentist. I often book an appointment at the same time as my eldest son so I can have someone to talk to when I'm nervous. I have also been on my own and coped just fine.

If my 18 year old wants me there for a medical appointment I will go if I can make it, safe in the knowledge that he can do it alone if he needs to.

My mum and husband have been with me to medical appointments. And I am an adult who manages to hold down a job, pay bills, raise children and do everything adults need to do. I haven't turned out helpless.

Is our only importance in life to be there for others and to do as they ask?

Quite apart from any minor household tasks, there is paid work to do - I often work from home. I've got hobbies, interests, friends. I even read books from time to time.

Doctors waiting rooms are hardly places for quality conversations. If a young person needs a gentle shove towards independence, I'll give that shove and do the 'bonding' cup of coffee/trip out another time.

I do have vivid memories of refusing to help my daughter. At one time when she'd have been around 12 she wanted me to drive her to a friend several miles away who lived on a bus route. Her other secondary school friend lived some miles away from the school and were experienced bus travellers. She wasn't and was lagging behind in confidence. We'd just got back from holiday and there was loads to do. 'I said I will not drive you to see X. But I will walk you to the bus stop.' She spent most of the bus journey on the phone to X saying things like 'I'm just by the big garage. Am I at your house yet?' But she got there, and she probably never again asked for a daytime lift to X's. And I'm glad of that. Job done.

Dd asked me to go to town with her she is able to go herself drive even however im not busy i will go btw she is 24 . your children don't stop being your children once they turn 18 and pfft housework

You're a pretty cold fish aren't you magdalen. When one of my friends had a colonoscopy I offered to take her and fetch her as she had no-one else. I expect you would have just told her to catch a bus

MagdalenNoName - she probably never asked again even if she really wanted to because she knew what your answer would be. But job done for you - no more lifts for the 12 year old - Yay!

And I do my best to get DD to be more independent. She has often missed out on social outings because I wouldn't drive her and her anxiety prevented her from getting the bus. But those parents who have never had anxious children wouldn't understand that would they.

I find it satisfying watching teenagers and young people grow in independence and confidence, and feeling that I have been part of that process.

I also think that all the three children I have looked after have had anxieties. (Very few children are supremely confident.) So there have been plenty of discussion with my partner, about how much to help and when, and when to pull back.

And of course there's no middle ground...

My children are independent i never lifted and laid them i dont drive it was bus or wait for their dad it is just kind imo if they ask you to go to x or come to y with them it is kind. As a pp said if a friend asked you wouldnt say nah you are a big girl go yourself

Part of the reason my children are confident and independent is because they know I am here if they need or want me.

Oh well I'm clearly the bitchmother from hell because i think "Im a bit busy right now sweetie, is it important? " is a perfectly reasonable question to ask my kids and they're not even adults yet. They are particularly shallow though (must be the lack of love) and are sometimes fine without me, even if they'd rather i was there for the lift/company/trip to the coffee shop afterwards.

Sometimes you just need someone there. I inject myself, I did spinal surgery and recovery by myself, I go to my neurosurgeon and haematology appointments alone. But having a tooth extracted, yeah I wanted my mum there! I could have done it without her but it was better with her

It's not as if she's asked you to go to every appointment so surely you could make the effort?
I'd happily go with my DD should she ask (as she lives 108 miles from me), there would be a good reason why she'd ask and if included a coffee or lunch on me afterwards then great!

MagdalenNoName
Is our only importance in life to be there for others and to do as they ask? Quite apart from any minor household tasks, there is paid work to do - I often work from home. I've got hobbies, interests, friends. I even read books from time to time.

I'd rather be there for others than be a selfish bitch who thinks helping people is somehow beneath me!

That's so sad.

My mother gave up any pretence of 'caring' for me when I was about 15 or 16 or so (she told me there were ready meals in the freezer I could microwave myself and I still lived in the house, I guess) and it's really, really damaging. I'm in my thirties now and I still have times when I 'need my mum', but I don't really have one and haven't for a long time.

I don't really see my purpose in life as Everyone's Little Helper. (Am also someone who would sometimes just rather read a novel.)

nor do I, motherinferior

I see family as a mutually beneficially relationship

which is why I am sitting here sipping a cup of tea brought to me by dh and waiting for supper cooked for me by dd who is grateful because I helped her with something yesterday

Do as you would be done by.

iamastonished

I agree

If she wants the moral support why don't you give it? Or are you needle phoboic?