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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go with 18 yo DD for an injection?

178 replies

danielandgeorgia · 29/06/2017 23:29

DD is getting that new meningitis injection next week. She wants me to come with her. AIBU to say she is old enough to go alone?

OP posts:
Rudi44 · 30/06/2017 07:13

If she wants you there or even if she just wants a lift as someone else cynically said, think yourself lucky that at 18 she still wants to spend time with you even if you would prefer to be doing the house work. Sooner or later she will find someone else she calls upon to hold her hand when she's scared so in the mean time take and cherish every opportunity

insancerre · 30/06/2017 07:16

I'm 50 and I still need moral support for things like this

Rainybo · 30/06/2017 07:18

When I was 25 my mum came with me to a dental appointment when I was pregnant because every time something was put in my mouth at that point I vomited.

She didn't say suck it up buttercup. She came with me. Because she is my mum.

wewentoutonsunday · 30/06/2017 07:19

My mum went with me to a colposcopy once. I was 28. I couldn't have done it without her.

cherrylove · 30/06/2017 07:21

Op you need to put down your duster and be thankful that your daughter wants you to go with her. Sure she can go on her own but she has asked you to go with her. Sooner or later they move out of home and have their own life and then you will miss these opportunities to spend time with your kids. Enjoy it while you can.

WomblingThree · 30/06/2017 07:21

OP are you trying to start another 50 page thread about mean parents and thereby get in the MN daily email and the Daily Mail? If so, it's a lame attempt. 1/10.

If you are actually real? Housework.....what the actual fuck? You have 168 hours a week to do housework. You can't spare one of them to give your daughter a lift somewhere? Aren't you pleasant.

Posters who wouldn't do this because the DD is an adult: would you actually flatly refuse to do a favour for any other adult you know? Are you just generally mean with your time or is it just reserved for your close family? 🙄

thegirlupnorth · 30/06/2017 07:23

She might be old enough to go on her own but you're her mum, why wouldn't you want to support her?

Helloitsme88 · 30/06/2017 07:27

Op the meningitis vaccine isn't the nicest. You state she's fine with blood tests etc. As I haven't rtft past the first page I am assuming she's able to go herself for these. She's asking for moral support because it's the meningitis one. Just go with her. It takes no time and she will remember it either way if you do or don't

TroysMammy · 30/06/2017 07:27

From the age of 16 I have never had any family member come with me to Doctor's or hospital appointments. When I had vaccinations in school from age 12, German measles, BCG and school leavers vaccinations my Mother didn't come with me.

corythatwas · 30/06/2017 07:43

Sometimes I feel on MN that posters get so caught up in the need to make sure their adolescent/adult children meet appropriate milestones that they feel incapable of showing them the bog-standard kindness they wouldn't hesitate for a moment to extend to a friend or a neighbour or an aunt.

If my neighbour looked in and said "cory, I've got this doctor's appointment and I'd really appreciate it if you came with me" and I didn't have anything else important on, then of course I would go. Just like I am sure she would go if I rang her up and said "I'm not feeling well, could you get something in from the shops for me" and she was able to do so. Just common garden kindness. It doesn't become impermissible just because somebody once came out of your vagina.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 30/06/2017 07:53

Seriously? 18 years old, wants a handhold for any injection? No way! That's ridiculous.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 30/06/2017 07:54

And YY to the pp who pointed out that mothers don't accompany their children for the jabs they have at school. Other pps seem to have lost the plot!

LadyPenelope68 · 30/06/2017 07:54

You'd rather get the housework done than support your DD who has asked for your support? Wow!

Migraleve · 30/06/2017 08:02

And YY to the pp who pointed out that mothers don't accompany their children for the jabs they have at school. Other pps seem to have lost the plot!

You, along with many others, seem to be missing the point. When someone asks you to go somewhere with them, often it's less about the somewhere and more about you.

I ask my mum if she wants to come in town with me, now clearly at 40 I am an adult and CAN do this alone, but sometimes; just sometimes, it's nice to have somebody with you.

The fact that this is an injection is a complete red herring. The OP clearly has no interest in spending time with her daughter; if that is a recurrent theme then it makes sense that the daughter will use her injections as an excuse to try and get mum along.

OP you might need your daughter one day.

PetyrBaelish · 30/06/2017 08:05

Well it depends on the whole picture, it's not as black and white as the OP won't support her child because she is horrible. Maybe OP feels that her DD needs to be more independent and do more day-to-day things such as routine appointments on her own? She is learning to be an adult, after all.

OTOH if she is actually anxious about injections (although it doesn't sound like it), or if it was a doctors appointment about something serious then of course it wouldn't be appropriate to refuse support.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/06/2017 08:08

Of course she could go alone. And if you would have to take time off work then I'd say she should go alone.

But you'd really rather do housework than be there to support your daughter? Hmm she wants you there, you can very easily do it, why on earth wouldn't you?

corythatwas · 30/06/2017 08:13

Well, personally I'd find it ridiculous with a 53yo who couldn't make themselves a cup of tea. But if I came home and said I was tired and had had a rough day, my 17yo son wouldn't go into a long spiel about how he had been able to make his own drinks since the age of 10. He would jump up and put the kettle on for me. Because he has been taught both independence and helpfulness. The one does not exclude the other.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 30/06/2017 08:15

My dd is happily travelling all over the country alone to attend uni open days at the age of 17, but she still wanted me to go into the opticians with her recently. I value that she appreciates my company. Sometimes I go with adult friends to their appointments. It's nice to be nice.

BarbarianMum · 30/06/2017 08:18

I always wanted my mum to take to the doctors as a teen. It was a half hour walk otherwise. Grin

Get her to help with the housework OP, then do with her.

SandmanSlim · 30/06/2017 08:40

I took my not-elderly Dad to the opticians. He wanted a hand picking out frames. I offered to go with my mum to her blood test this week. If a friend asked me to go with them to the doctors I would. DH is working from home next week specifically so he can come with me to a doctors appointment.
That's what family does?

numbandlost · 30/06/2017 09:05

I think it's really sweet she wants you to be there. A lot of teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents. I would definitely go.

MagdalenNoName · 30/06/2017 09:59

I think 18 is a useful age to develop independence.

Some young people are getting ready to go to university. Others will be doing some other form of training or entering the world of work. If they're not given practise, by their caring parents, in doing things they find a bit unpleasant by themselves, it means they are going to find it harder to succeed - or even survive -in the adult world.

I also wonder whether women need particular encouragement to be independent. While it's great to feel close to family and friends, it can also hold people back. Some young women stay in inappropriate friendships or relationships because they have been taught to be afraid of doing quite simple things on their own.

Caring for a young person can be about giving advice and encouragement to cope with new situations, and then saying 'Well done!'

becotide · 30/06/2017 10:08

Wow, that is COLD. Your own daughter? You won't support your own daughter? I would do this for a stranger. You need to rethink your priorities or you are going to be one lonely o;ld woman.

corythatwas · 30/06/2017 10:10

Madgalen, while I agree with you in principle, I also think:

independence is something the OP should have been working on long, long before her dd turned 18

the day of her meningitis injection is possibly not the right time to start

if the dd is to function well at uni, she needs to have a good understanding of how to combine independence with supportiveness of other people and general cheerful helpfulness- otherwise she is going to struggle socially

Iamastonished · 30/06/2017 10:11

"I think 18 is a useful age to develop independence."

Where do you draw the line between encouraging independence and giving the impression of not giving a shit?

DD (16) is needle phobic and I was so proud of her going into the surgery on her own to have a blood test recently.

I had to take her there because she isn't old enough to drive, but I stayed in the waiting room. This was a massive step forward for her.

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