To not go with 18 yo DD for an injection?

[danielandgeorgia]

DD is getting that new meningitis injection next week. She wants me to come with her. AIBU to say she is old enough to go alone?

Where do you draw the line between encouraging independence and giving the impression of not giving a shit?

In my case by saying things like, 'Next year I am not going to be there to do things for you.' and 'They are really nice at the surgery.' and 'The nurse will be used to seeing people who are nervous.'

The caring was in the conversations, and also my daughter was quite clear that her parents' aim was to help her in the longer term.

Yes,helping my daughter to become independent was a long process but there was a kind of acceleration in the year before she left home. Because both of us were thinking about the future at that point.'

Actually, I do the "Next year you will have to do this on your own" as well, but I wouldn't just spring it on DD out of the blue. DD suffers from anxiety and is not at all comfortable talking to medical professionals without me there. I have to give her a list or the appointment is a waste of time.

Is there just a line between encouraging independence and giving the impression of not giving a shit? Must be a bloody thick one?

I let my DD go for the men jab with her elder sister only. They argued on the way, eldest stormed off in a strop, DD2 had the jab on her own then felt faint and threw up all over the doctor's waiting room.

Mothers matter!

(I booked DD3's jab and went with her. No way was going on her own, 18 or not.)

FWIW - my granddaughter aged 8 had the meningitis jab - it is not THAT BAD and of course her mother was with her.

This prevailing attitude appalls me - 18 is old enough to vote in a general election for a complete disaster of a party (labour and JC to be precise), get married, fight in the army, drive a car, drink to excess but some MNetters think someone of that age is not capable of having an 'jab' without someone with her. No wonder this country is going to the dogs.
If it was a major operation, serious procedure at a local hospital or fearing the receipt of bad news about health - of course everybody should have someone with them if only to comfort them afterwards.

It is about time that some young people learned that life is tough and they have to face up to things - otherwise how will they cope when the going really gets tough.
OP - yanbu

How little information the OP has provided. Almost as though they just want to prompt a response rather than engage in discussion.

"This prevailing attitude appalls me - 18 is old enough to vote in a general election for a complete disaster of a party (labour and JC to be precise), get married, fight in the army, drive a car, drink to excess but some MNetters think someone of that age is not capable of having an 'jab' without someone with her. No wonder this country is going to the dogs"

So all the 18 year olds you know are self confident and mature and independent. They don't have depression/anxiety or other mental health disorders? Are you the sort of person to tell a depressed person to "pull themselves together"?

Have a

olliegarchy99 it's really not that, it's the fact that you wouldn't be so bloody uncharitable (I hope) about doing any other adult friend/relative/casual acquaintance a favour.

As an aside, is this jab being rolled out to all 18 year olds? DD is in year 12 and she hasn't had an invitation to have this done.

Ds1 is needle phobic

I went in for him

Just as well, turned out he also needed tetanus

For him!!!!

I dont love him that much...

With him

Iamastonished it may depend on your area. It wasn't even mentioned where I live, but as DS was going to university, I just phoned the surgery and asked if he could come in for it. They said yes, so he did.

DD won't bother, as she isn't going to university.

Just seen olly post

Dd at 18 will be more than capable of going by herself, ds2 will be as well

Ds1 isnt...

olliegarchy, I think that you've missed that most of us think it's a matter of general helpfulness rather than what you should be able to do at a certain age.

At 53 I have been old enough to get married and join the army for quite some time. And I still appreciate it if my son makes me that cup of tea when he sees that I need it, not least because it shows that I have modelled an attitude of kindness and helpfulness that will stand him in good stead in life.

I don't just want my children to be tough and face up: I also want them to be supportive and kind and not stingy with every little effort they make. The former is something that can be taught; the latter has to be modelled.

I go with my sister when she goes to the dentist as she sweats profusely whilst she is there and it would be totally more stressful for her to go alone!

Young adults still need support! How could she confide in the biggies in years to come (e.g abusive relationship, money troubles, health problems, post natal depression etc etc) if accompanying her to a doctors appointment is too much trouble!

So many people confusing company and dependence.

Being independent does not mean being alone.

I'm in my 20's and I would still ask my mum to come to the doctors with me for support (I'm not scared of needles, and don't have anxiety etc), vice versa. My mum is nearly 50, and I held her hand at the doctors just last night.

The appointments not until next week, do you plan to save up all your housework until the time of her appointment?

I'd be absolutely gutted if this was my mums response if I asked her to hold my hand for half an hour.

Thats a mad way of looking at it lizzy. You can be a fully functioning adult and still go to your parents for support when something big comes up.

But what is it you need support with Happiness if you are not phobic of needles etc? I'd be totally gutted if my kids didn't take a routine doctors appointment in their stride by their late teens, let alone their mid 20s.

This made me feel quite sad. I think the point is that yes 18 is certainly old enough to go alone, but if my dd preferred me to be there too, I'd like to think I wouldn't hesitate. (She is still young and if she turns out anything like me she won't be too bothered, but still.) Even as adults, sometimes we'd all prefer to have someone with us even if we are more than capable of managing alone.

I think those who agree with the OP are missing the point.

This isn't about her age, let's forget that for a moment. This is about a woman asking their Mum to accompany them for an injection. This will, in the OP's daughter's head, make things easier - Whatever way that may be.

Is it really necessary for the OP's daughter I give a 'valid reason' for her wanting her Mum there? Not really.

My Nan is 70 and would accompany my Mother anywhere she asked if she wanted her support or emotional company. Honestly, I despair at how some people treat their families.

You can be a fully functioning adult and still go to your parents for support when something big comes up

Something big would be, say, biopsy results rather than a relatively routine procedure.

Really, how are 18/19 year olds - meant to cope with what are essentially everyday aspects of self-care when they are living at some distance from home?

Wanting a lift is lazy but normal, being happy to spend time with mum, nice and normal: being afraid of an injection, not normal. Wanting moral support if you are having an uncomfortable treatment or because you might get bad news at an appointment is different in my view.
There are some things/skills that you just should be able to do without fuss if you think of yourself as an adult, and this is one.

To me, it's absolutely the other way. Lazy is not to be encouraged and using public transport/walking should be totally normal at that age.
Getting around without a car (unless living in the middle of nowhere) imo is definitely one of those things you should be doing without a fuss if you think of yourself as an adult.

Otoh people's reactions to needles vary enormously and
ime has very little to do with general levels of courage or independence.

My mum took me to my blood test a couple of weeks ago. I'm 26 and don't have a fear of needles or anything. She just came because she's still my mum even though I'm an adult and it's nice to support your kids! Housework is not more important