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To have dobbed my manager in...

167 replies

UndomesticBlonde · 29/06/2017 14:34

Bit of background - I've been diagnosed with stress-related eczema- so I've taken this week off work sick after finally getting a diagnosis from the consultant - and finding out that I'm otherwise very healthy.
I've been given a care plan after seeing the consultant - and writing this using dictation facility on my computer btw. She recommended I take a few days off to get my condition under control and then return to work next week.
Anyway I love my job but my commute is 3 hours total. I have quite a difficult boss - I know I'm good at my job - in fact I've had a few experiences recently where I was able to solve problems that no one else could. Including my manager who has been there longer than me.
However my manager has been on my back since I started this job - and I finally snapped and sent our head of department an email detailing the issues I had with her. Not least I was given the right to work a day from home but it being made so unbearable (and stressful) that I had no choice but to go back to working in the office.
I'm feeling really guilty but this person has made my work hell at times; having had counselling I've worked out my manager is pretty threatened by anyone around her who can do their job well; which is a shame because there are parts of her job she does very well - just not the managing bit. I'm sitting here wondering what shitstorm I've stirred up; by the way she has another team who report directly to her - and that team has one by one slowly left the company so she's struggling at the moment with a staffing crisis. So I feel bad for having sent our head (who is new to his job) this email...I think I may be sacked when I get back in the office...

OP posts:
Coddiwomple · 04/07/2017 11:07

Ok, so the OP did take a week off sick for eczema

This is unbelievable, stress related or not.

lanouvelleheloise · 04/07/2017 11:09

There's always that one tedious person who doesn't get that a condition that is minor in some people can be very major in others. Hmm

Coddiwomple · 04/07/2017 11:13

Or maybe there is always one who knows that the same medical issue is always major for employees with sick pays but very minor for self employed people with no sick pay. Grin

MammaTJ · 04/07/2017 11:14

Coddiwomple, yes, stress-related exzema, which is, you know, caused by stress at work. It is also all over her hands, which she uses to type with, at work, which would make is worse, which would be bloody agony.

Take a few minutes to look up the word 'Empathy' and see if you can at least pretend to have some, even though you clearly don't really feel it.

Nanna50 · 04/07/2017 11:17

OP is Coddi your boss Wink

I would sit it out and see what offer you get in the new structure, including improved home working. If the new Head has some bite he will see that your boss is losing staff and look at the bigger picture.

However I understand you wanting to look around for something else as a bad manager can really demoralise you and perhaps you may find something with less commute.

Coddiwomple · 04/07/2017 11:17

If I have to show some empathy, it would be for the work colleagues who have to deal with the extra work load whilst someone is off sick for a week. For eczema.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/07/2017 11:23

Clearly coddi you have no idea at all how painful and debilitating eczema can be. Plus, how is the OP supposed to be sitting at a desk typing on a cpmuter, using aphone or whatever when her hands have to be smothered in creams which need to be regularly reapplied.

I think it's probably a wise move not to comment on medical conditions which you have no knowledge of eh? And I speak as a self-employed person myself - the difference is I have empathy and understanding.

OP it sounds like you email hit a sore spot. I hope things improve / the restructure helps you. I think a closer job sounds like a great idea. Commuting sucks doesn't it?

Ceto · 04/07/2017 11:26

Coddiwomple, do go and educate yourself about the causes, effects and treatment of severe stress-related eczema. Then you might just begin to know around 50% as much about it as, y'know, the medical expert who actually examined OP, read her notes, and used his or her in-depth and long training and experience to advise.

UndomesticBlonde · 04/07/2017 11:27

Yes Bit although I don't mind the odd train trip. Thanks Nanna we have had other members of the team take sick leave for stress too - or have cited stress and I've stepped in to do their work while they were off - we are a team after all and yes I've been self employed more years than I've been on a staff contract

OP posts:
DeadDoorpost · 04/07/2017 11:30

Coddi if OP has been told she needs to take those days off to start the course of treatment then trust me, she WILL need them.
My best friend had the worst case of eczema the Dr's had ever seen (it's not even an exaggeration, I wish it was) and he had to get up at 4am every single day to start his regime of creams and steroids. And then, if it wasn't too bad, he'd be at school for 8:15. The only problem is, because his was so bad, he actually died from it, and the creams and medication he had to take; his body eventually shut down and couldn't heal itself. Eczema really is that bad that you need sick days. Especially if you're not used to it.

@UndomesticBlonde ignore Coddi. Take the days off and make sure you get the help you need. My friend's case was very extreme, but getting used to the creams when you've never had to use them before really does take some time. My sister has had it all her life and she still has to take the odd day off (she's an assistant manager at her work). Better to let yourself heal than continue stressing and make it worse.

Tazerface · 04/07/2017 11:31

Wow nice Coddi.

FWIW I have eczema, under control now, but it used to be so bad I'd wake up in the night crying with bleeding hands. I had to wear ointments and stuff and white cotton gloves AT WORK and still only time cleared it up. And that wasn't stress related.

Chronic skin conditions are awful. I feel for you OP, hope you get things worked out.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/07/2017 11:32

Sorry about all the typos! Blush

Yes the odd train trip is OK. 3 hours every day, not so much!

Crinkle77 · 04/07/2017 11:36

No Coddi the OP took time off for stress. The eczema is due to this.

KimmySchmidt1 · 04/07/2017 11:40

amazing how many restructurings happen just to allow a big boss to avoid a conversation with a semi boss which goes:

  • you've had some negative feedback on your management skills
  • so we're sending you on a course to help develop them
  • no biggy, but make sure you are open to the things it will teach you as management is an essential part of your job.

So much of working with people is pure psychology and personality management, and yet we do everything we can to avoid teaching people how to manage these skills better.
FUNM · 04/07/2017 11:55

Aveno sachets in the bath work well

UndomesticBlonde · 04/07/2017 12:00

Tazer yes I was kept awake at night - pretty much for months. The last week - since taking time out and putting the new creams on - has made a huge difference. I can understand why that poster thought eczema a silly reason for taking time out - I might have thought that a few years ago. Not now though!

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 04/07/2017 12:00

if you can stay at home and look after two young children, work would be no bother to you. I had my 3rd child at ten on a Friday night and was sat at my desk Monday morning.

And I say that as someone who had exactly the same condition as you.

Re the boss/job what can you do to reduce stress at work? I'b be looking at this before you found yourself off for another week and going around in circles.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/07/2017 12:11

Well isn't this thread just full of charmingly sympathetic and helpful posters Confused

Megbert · 04/07/2017 12:13

People get different degrees of eczema.

I have it on my arms and when it flares up it can be itchy and irritating but no big deal.

BIL gets it all over - More severely on his hands. When he visited us at Christmas he couldn't even bend his fingers to hold his coffee cup. Just awful.

You can't exactly take time off from your children but that doesn't mean OP is well enough to be in work right now.

Megbert · 04/07/2017 12:16

It's just unnecessary, isn't it BitOutOf?

Thingirlstuckinfatsuit · 04/07/2017 12:19

Hahaha at the competitive super people. Why on earth would you choose to be back at your desk after giving birth on Friday, and why on earth would you boast about it? Oo look at me, winning at life.

Anyway well done for sticking it out op, eczema can be so painful. Here's hoping the restructure brings a better management option.

Svalberg · 04/07/2017 12:24

I take it you're not in the UK, MyheartbelongstoG? Because your employer (whether that be yourself or another) would be breaking the law if you were, as we have a period of 2 weeks compulsory maternity leave.

Plainlycrackers · 04/07/2017 12:26

Coddi. If you had second degree burns all over your hands would you be in work? That's pretty much what severe eczema can be like... agonising to even bend your fingers let alone bear weight or press things... and being in chronic pain makes you feel pretty dire generally too let alone other stress symptoms OP may be enduring. Get back in your box, your lack of understanding & empathy is revolting.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/07/2017 12:30

MyHeartBelongstoG's comment made me think of the quote from Victoria Wood's Kitty sketch: "My mother gave birth to twins in an unheated wash-house, and then got up and finished the mangling, so think on..." Grin

UndomesticBlonde · 04/07/2017 12:30

Well I was having to work when my youngest daughter was a day old. I didn't take maternity leave because I couldn't afford to - at the time. I wasn't winning at life though - more desperate as DH had been made redundant. I have to do very intricate work - which means I cannot work with bleeding, peeling hands. In fact my hands bled over some of my work - which then had to be dumped. I've worked 7 days a week sometimes for 15 hours or more - for many many years. I'm in my late 40s, my DH has had mental health problems, my family lost our home - and I guess the eczema is it catching up on me.
If you knew me in RL you would be telling me to slow down..all of you. All I can say is I know your kind in RL - so bog off my thread!
Thanks for sticking up for me Bit and Meg - mine started out as just itchy and got worse.

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