That she still refers to herself as wife ?

[StepMum2Be]

My partner is in the late stages of his divorce and it finally feels like the financial order may be making progress (fingers crossed). He's been separated 3.5 years and with me for 2.5 of them. His ex insists on calling herself his wife and referring to him as husband. I understand that legally this is still the case but AIBU to be annoyed by this?

She is. You are.

I wouldn't be annoyed, just feel sorry for her. She's obviously struggling with the whole thing. Did he leave her?

I would also just pity her although to be pedantic about it, she is correct - until they are divorced, I'm afraid they are still husband and wife.

You are unreasonable to be annoyed at this because she is his wife and he is her husband.

If she continues it past the actual divorce then if feel more sorry for her than angry as itd seem like she can't let go.

In what circumstances does she refer to herself as his wife?

She is his wife and yabu.

Did he leave her for you or was the divorce already in progress when you can on the scene?

He's been separated 3.5 years and with me for 2.5 of them.

Did he leave her for you or was the divorce already in progress when you can on the scene?

She's right. And she's probably doing it to annoy you.

She is his wife.

I can see why you would be annoyed - you've been with him two and a half years met him after he separated and the divorce is in its last stages so why would the stbxw make a point of still referring to herself as the wife or he the husband? Possibly to annoy? Possibly as she can't let go? But there is no earthly good reason.

YANBU

As a pp said, in what circumstances is she referring to herself as his wife, and how do you know she is?

On the face of it she is being unreasonable as the divorce is imminent. That said, sounds like there's a huge backstory here which might not paint you all in the best light, so for purposes of what you've said: Yanbu.

Bloody hell, why is the default always to assume that someone was the OW? Is no separated/divorced man ever allowed another relationship??

It's a way for her to say that she still has some say about him and yes it is about territoriality.
In effect that's saying 'I'm his wife, therefore you are just the OW'.

Yes technically they are still married butbthe word WIFE carries much more meaning than that.

So YANBU to be annoyed by it. But I think the best answer is to just ignore. In a few weeks/month, this wouldn't be an issue anymore.

I'm guessing he left her and she doesn't want to accept it's over.

I would find it a bit weird but until the divorce is actually final, she is his wife. How do you know she still says this?

The OP isn't the OW if her DP met her a year after separating.

The wife might have chosen to see her as the OW.

I can appreciate that it annoys you, but if you are going to be a step parent, you will need to toughen up, as this will be minor compared to the rest of the issues that will probably be coming your way.

Yabu. She is his wife, soon to be ex wife. My granny and grandad divorced prior to me being born..she always called him her husband, was mrs etc. Grandad remarried and my step gran referred to gran as his first wife.

Just tell her to enjoy it while it lasts.

She's deliberately winding you up. Refer to your DP as your "lover" (or even "married lover"). Give a little tinkly laugh (whatever that is - I've seen it recommended on here a few times )

yanbu, she sounds like she can't let go - ignore!

I went thro a divorce that dragged on and on. Unfortunately all legal documents referred to me as 'wife' and him as 'husband' regardless of whether I wanted them to or not (I didn't).

She may not have a say in it.

What instance does she refer to herself as his wife? She still is till the decree absolute goes through.

Why do people always assume that the op was the OW on posts like this?!? Sometimes marriages break up and it's not because some other woman came and stole the husband away.

Anyway-she is still legally his wife but I can see why you'd be a bit about it considering they are in the final stages of a divorce.

How do you even know?

YANBU to find it irritating, but if you are letting it get to you, then you sound insecure tbh.

Is it in paper work about the divorce that she's referring to herself as wife? Or is she ringing up saying ''hello it's Bert's wife, can i speak to my husband?''.

If it's the former it's legal speak until the decree nisi. If it's the later YANBU to be annoyed, but it's nearly over.