That she still refers to herself as wife ?

[StepMum2Be]

My partner is in the late stages of his divorce and it finally feels like the financial order may be making progress (fingers crossed). He's been separated 3.5 years and with me for 2.5 of them. His ex insists on calling herself his wife and referring to him as husband. I understand that legally this is still the case but AIBU to be annoyed by this?

What a lazy arse her husband is

I was sympathetic until I read the last post.

If the emails are about the legal side of divorce, then she should be saying 'Husband' and 'Wife', not 'Ex-husband/wife" because legally they aren't yet.

If it's in other context, not talking about the divorce, then it would be odd to not say "my ex-husband", but in relation to the legal divorce then she's not wrong to do so, you are in the 'wrong' to get wound up by it.

Perhaps you need to step away from the divorce?

He shows me the emails, I often reply to them as him!! No she doesn't know, yes he does!

You shouldn't answer e-mails to him pretending to be him. And I don't think it is okay for him to show you those e-mails, why does he do that? Does he want to make you jealous?

Very weird.

She's perhaps a bit territorial, but not factually incorrect. If it upsets you, then refuse to read her mails in the future. Your husband can answer them himself.

When I was separated from my EXH I called him my ex. Not ex husband because he wasn't but he was my ex in the sense that our relationship was over. I did occasionally joke about my husband being out with his girlfriend but that was 2 years after split and I was quite happy about it.

I have to say though it is odd that she would write an email and refer to herself as his wife. There is no need to give a relationship description to someone who knows your status? Does she sign off as 'the wife' or does she say 'I'm still your wife you know'

Meh. She is still his wife, that's why they are e-mailing each other - so that one day they can cease to be husband and wife. YABU.

Does she know you're replying to his emails as him? My ex used to get his new gf to reply to emails re. OUR son and OUR divorce thinking I couldn't tell the blatant difference in writing style, so I'd intentionally drop facts re. his previous questionable behaviour to annoy them. (I left him so I wasn't bitter, just annoyed he couldn't be bothered to email himself)

I get that it irritates you but let it gooooooo...

Stop responding to her emails - step back. Just bonkers to pretend to be him.

She's being a dick and trying to mark her spot! She can get lost soon thought cant she!

You reply to her emails as him?!!! Why do you need to think & write for him? To think that he could even ask you to do that - & you actually do it..! Probably take pleasure in replying to her in your own inimitable way too. I have a mind you and he deserve each other entirely.

I wasnt yet divorced when I met OH. I dealt with all related correspondence. I woyldnt lower myself to ask OH to do it

You reply to her emails as him?!!! Why do you need to think & write for him? To think that he could even ask you to do that - & you actually do it..! Probably take pleasure in replying to her in your own inimitable way too. I have a mind you and he deserve each other entirely.

I wasnt yet divorced when I met OH. I dealt with all related correspondence. I woyldnt lower myself to ask OH to do it

Why do you respond to emails as your boyfriend?
She is not unreasonable to be referring to herself as his wife as this is the case
You feel how you feel. That is neither reasonable nor unreasonable, it just is. why does it annoy you?

I often reply to them as him!!

That's exceptionally odd.

She is his wife because it's a term relative to him and she's using it correctly until the divorce is final. Then she'll have a different term relative to him as his ex-wife. As it's just a term designating their relationship to each other as spouses and then their relationship to each other as previous/ex spouses, it wouldn't bother me.

Don't read the emails. I honestly find it revolting that people do this. You could easily be his ex one day, do you really want correspondence between the two of you to be shared with a random stranger?

If he'll do it to her he'll do it to you.

With reference to another terminology thread today
I wonder if the people who think the wife / husband terminology is correct are the same people who think the cousin terminology is correct on the brother / cousin thread, and the people that think that you shouldn't refer to the person you are divorcing as husband / wife are on the side of the odd SIL / mother of an only child with brothers.

Fwiw, I agree with the poster who pointed out that of course they are husband and wife - who else would you divorce?

Does she know you're replying to his emails as him? My ex used to get his new gf to reply to emails re. OUR son and OUR divorce thinking I couldn't tell the blatant difference in writing style, so I'd intentionally drop facts re. his previous questionable behaviour to annoy them. (I left him so I wasn't bitter, just annoyed he couldn't be bothered to email himself

Oh thats probably it! She's going to keep mentioning that she's the wife while you get to be the secretary.

yanbu

She is his wife. He is her husband. You sound so insecure.

By replying as him it's misrepresentation and could have serious consequences.Stop it. It's weird.

Enjoy your lover while you can.
Ignore. You will look like a fruit loop if you make a big deal out of this.

My exH used to see the kids in my house before our divorce. I would go out with my boyfriend (not partner, we don't and won't live together) and then when people asked who was looking after the kids I would laugh and say "my husband." We are divorced now though. It was a bit odd though when my husband had a baby with another woman. To be honest I think we should have speeded up the divorce but it really is a pain in the arse.

His ex insists on calling herself his wife and referring to him as husband.

Erm - but she is until they get divorced

She is his wife and he is her husband and as a pp has pointed out he's getting you to act as his secretary - but not openly and honestly.

He should be the one who's dealing with the financial aspects of his divorce - not you! Maybe this idleness and preference for deception is part of the reason for the divorce!

I lost all sympathy when you said you're answering emails on his behalf, dishonesty

The whole set up sounds weird