To expect dh to take sick day for both me and DD(1 of 2) , when we both have pyelonephritis? I have a 20 week old a sick 2 year old (given antibiotics yesterday) and I was in a & e until 1am

[Kspikes]

I just wanted to give some background and my question is at the end.

I have a 20 week old and a 2yr old. Coincidence has it that both my 2 year old and I have had water infections recently (treated with antibiotics that havn't worked) and have led to us both being diagnosed with Pyelonephritis in the same 24 hours (last night).
I was up until 1am at the local Walk in/ A & E to get treated. I am a stay at home mum (as DH is on a good salary) and I was last night on a course to become a childminder when my back pain, sickness and dizzy spells became so bad I had to take myself to be seen by a doctor.
My husband works very hard in a job he loves, is respected in and is completely addicted to. He is always at a "Critically important time" in his work and is always too busy to take time off. He hates missing meetings, letting customers down and is senior in his role etc.
My husband keeps a roof over our head, recently bought us a newer bigger house and is a good provider.

My concern is that I feel that when it comes to us being ill or emergencies he doesn't ever want to be there for us as work is more important. There's been occasions I've gone to hospital, taken my two kids, had no one else to help or pick them up and he still hasn't left work for a futher 5 hours and just finished 30 minutes early. My husband is very senior and doesn't really report to anyone on his work hours, his work are flexible, never check up on him, arn't strict with hours as long as they are done and never question him (he always works more than his hours).

My husband is a workaholic and answers calls and emails at all hours, in all places, on holiday, on the toilet on his phone, on weekends, during meals, films on the sofa, in bed at 2 am etc.

I am becoming resentful of the job that keeps us in a comfortable lifestyle. I have expressed my concerns time and time again. The problem isn't the job nor the employer requirements. I feel it's my husband!

Today I need to take my 20wk old and 2yr old with me while I go back for bloods, pick up a prescription, go to the gp all whilst my 2 year old is ill with a kidney infection and myself suffering with one too. I started my antibiotics last night and my 2yr old I pick up hers this morning.

I feel like he cares more about his job than us and doesn't care how I'm feeling and struggling today.

Surely it's reasonable for him to take dependency leave under the circumstances of both wife and daughter being ill with kidney infection?

AIBU?

Help? He's been the same for years I don't know if it's him or me that's being unreasonable. Maybe both of us? X

Kspikes - wishing you well. Whatever you do, don't think you'll be able to cope at home, so you just stay there until they discharge you and then you will need help with your little ones. I second the suggestion to get hospital staff, ideally the scariest A&E sister, to ring your DH at work and get him sent to the hospital

To the pp who said Kspikes should be allowed to keep her children in hospital with her - have you read the thread? she's very ill and irrespective of where she and the children are, is unable to look after the children. Hence the need for their father to get there.

Place an advert on findababysitter.com for a mother's help to come in and look after you all. He can pay for it. Pick someone expensive that you like and have her in as much as you feel you need. If he won't help. Get help from somewhere else. What a douchbag.

wishing you a very speedy recovery Kspikes I am assuming DH will HAVE to take time off work now. I hope he understands the seriousness of this.

Fucking hell OP. Sorry you're so ill, your husband is a prized prick for leaving you to cope with all of this on your own. Can't imagine he would have the two kids on his own while ill?. Really hope you're on the mend and your arse of a 'D' H spends weeks making it up to you

This is one of the worst threads I have ever read on here. Pyelonephritis is serious, as the OP had made clear repeatedly. I don't know which is worse: the idea that she just has a simple infection and should get on with it or the idea that she should never, ever get any help from her DH simply because he works and she is a SAHM.

OP, I hope you are being well looked after . If you are still well enough to read this, whatever testing point at work your DH is at is now irrelevant. He needs to wake the fuck up unless he wants this to become a safeguarding issue. If he won't step up hen you need to fully engage with the hospital staff and explain to them that he will not so they can support you and your children.

Really difficult one. You can't have it all ways and unexpected time off in my job would be a nightmare. I too read and respond to emails 24/7

Seriously working925 you call taking time off for your wife being seriously ill with sepsis and the kids facing going into care if he doesn't show a nightmare and class it under you can't have it all ways?
What if she died? Would that still be a nightmare purely under the inconveniencing work category instead of major life changing traumatic event?
Jesus, either take a look at yourself, or never start a family because even fathers have to start making more allowances for family, even though it is usually the mother that bears the brunt. If you won't, or feel you are in a career where you can't. Switch careers, get counselling to see why you can't seem to prioritise anything other than work, or just don't go there.

Plus this isn't even an all ways situation. Work are accommodating so something cover wise could be sorted out and the DH isn't on a salary which reflects this level of commitment. So the OP may struggle to finance alternative care.

Hope you feel better soon kspikes. Just concentrate on getting better and have the conversation when you're well enough. Hopefully your DH is suitably shamed following your admission.

This is one of the worst threads I have ever read on here
Yep agree. I just think MN is riddled with people talking shit on purpose.
Hope you feel better soon OP. Still think he's being vvvvu

God, KSpikes - if this doesn't qualify as an emergency yet, I'd hate to think what it would take to get your H to dump work and come to you!!

Fucksake, as has been pointed out, sepsis is fucking serious - he should have been told immediately and got out of his pissing meeting to come and look after your children.

The worst thing I have thought so far, though, was that IF SS did come and take your DC temporarily, because you are incapacitated and he's a twat, that he might think "oh well they're being looked after, I can carry on working and Kspikes can get them back when she's better" - is that so very far off the mark? I do hope so, but I fear not.

Hope you're feelng better soon

How are you doing OP? Hope you're ok xx

How are you now op? I hope you are well soon! It's awful for you to feel so unwell and regardless of anything else today you need your husband at home taking care of you and your children

Sepsis is serious. Hope you're ok OP.

Hope you are OK, OP.

Thinking of you this morning, OP.

I'm sorry that your "H" is such an arse.

Wishing you and your DD a very speedy and complete recovery

Hoping you're OK K

I used to work for a large consumer products company - household name - and many of he men I worked with are replicates of how you describe your DH. One in particular had a charmed life - lovely wife, lovely home and a great future- come the consumer shows he would be away much longer than the rest of us - setting up, advising the marketing team, checking the products etc. I said to him, God help if you ever have children - and he just said "Why?"
Says it all really :-(

Sorry, YABU. He should not take a sick day if he is not sick. Nor can he WFH if he is looking after you and two young children. I run my own business and I would be very resentful if I was effectively paying for your child care when you were sick. Why should it come out of my pocket? If he phoned and said he had emergency domestic problems and could he take a day's unscheduled annual leave, then I would be a lot more understanding. That way, he's paying for it.

Poor you. You are really sick and can't look after your children, who are also sick. Don't call him names, tell him to come home. If he whines all day you and the kids will be asleep in bed anyway. "I know you are busy and important but I need you and you made vows."

Pontynan ... You do realise OP has been admitted to hospital with sepsis, don't you?

My ex still went to work once when I was chucking my guts up on top of a bad infection and a toddler and a newborn to look after too.

YDNBU.

Hope you all feel better soon.

Kspikes sorry just noticed the update. Hope your abs have started to kick in now.

@pontynan if you read the whole thread you'll see where the OP explains numerous times she didn't mean a literal sick day she meant for him to take some sort of dependency leave. She is also now in hospital with sepis.