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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pest elderly neighbour asks me to film my child with his camcorder?

156 replies

SprogPlusPup · 27/06/2017 20:29

Hi,

I had a good relationship with my elderly neighbours, until I stopped commuting to go on maternity leave. Ever since, they he has become a complete pest whereby I cannot leave my house, front or back without him coming out and calling to me to start a conversation. My husband works away a lot (is a cameraman) and the behaviour is definitely worse when he's away - to the point where it's verging on obsessive. He will also knock on my door two times a day and due to the layout of my house, he can see through my door glass that I'm in.

Last week he cut a whole in our garden fence - when I asked him what had happened he said he'd created a 'serving hatch' for me.

Today, upon leaving my house, he asked if he could join me for rhyme time at the library, which I reluctantly allowed to only have him later knock on our door again, camcorder in hand, asking me to film footage of my daughter crawling. I was to keep the camera and use it to capture her up to her 1st birthday. I explained my husband's job and that it wasn't necessary as we have plenty of cameras and he refused and continued to tell me how to use it.

Now is it just me, or is this strange?
Also - I can't sustain this level of his interest - what do I do? I'm becoming very fed up and not using my garden because of him.

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 27/06/2017 20:30

You need to ask?!

PlayOnWurtz · 27/06/2017 20:31

Is he unwell or just lonely? Do others get this level of attention, if not is it new behaviour?

CaoNiMartacus · 27/06/2017 20:31

Bizarre behaviour. Why on earth did you let him go to the library with you?? Lay down some very strong boundaries right now.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 27/06/2017 20:32

Oh dear that sounds difficult. Is he very elderly? Does he have a wife or family that visit regularly? It might be worth having a word with them so they can try and intervene in your behalf.

SerfTerf · 27/06/2017 20:32

Who is supposed to be serving what through the "hatch"? Wasn't that a good moment to get assertive?

SnowiestMountain · 27/06/2017 20:33

Weird. Very weird, is he well?? You're going to have to be very firm with him that it needs to stop. Sounds like there are some issues as this is far from normal

IHaveACrapCat · 27/06/2017 20:35

Wow. I'd be patching up the serving hatch pronto and asking DH to go round and have a word (or you obvs, but you said he reacts differently to DH so it may help)

Original poster
SprogPlusPup · 27/06/2017 20:36

@serfTerf -- he has no children of his own, is very kind - before children would lend us ladders etc. He wanted to show us his holiday DVD. I'm obviously not going to film my daughter, but just wondering whether to be suspicious of him, or whether people just think it's an old man with no mates.

@playOnWurtz His wife lives in there with him too!
He seems to have had feuds with quite a few other neighbours on the street (they've ll been here for years) so I don't really see them speaking to others much. His level of interest is new - getting in touch with me 2-3 times a day is definitely increased activity - but I was never about before. when working away.

OP posts:
ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 27/06/2017 20:36

Well, the filming isn't as weird as the thread title suggested seeing as it looks like he's given the camera to you as a present, but why on earth did you say yes to any of it?

TenForward82 · 27/06/2017 20:36

Bizarre. I understand being lonely but cutting a hole in your fence? Asking for video footage of your daughter? Time to get assertive, OP.

valeriej43 · 27/06/2017 20:37

I would be very worried about him wanting to film your child,
Also i would tell your husband,
This mans behaviour sounds very odd, does he have a wife,
Also what does he want you to use this "serving hatch" for?
He needs telling to leave you alone

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/06/2017 20:37

Ah bless him. . Sounds like he is desperate for a family.

Why not arrange a set time a week to share with him but make sure he understands the rest of your week is tied up. .?
Actually wish I was you... Not even family bother with our dc. .

IHaveACrapCat · 27/06/2017 20:38

You can buy really cheap frosting from B&Q that will cover the glazing in your door to make it more difficult for him to see in. Comes in a roll and cuts to size, sticks on very easily. We used it on ours to get some more privacy. Highly recommend

Original poster
SprogPlusPup · 27/06/2017 20:38

Yep - I need to get assertive. So hard - I'm too nice. But it's concern for my daughter now. When you write things down, you realise...

It's a huge invasion of our privacy.

OP posts:
MrsChopper · 27/06/2017 20:38

That's very very creepy, OP.

I'd be patching up with "serving hatch" asap so that you can enjoy the garden. Either you or your husband will have to set some boundaries before this escalates further.

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/06/2017 20:38

What? He made a spy-hole, wanted to go to a baby group, wants his own footage of your little girl and stays away when your husband is there? Hmm

I think you'll have to say something to him at least, and maintain just a breezy 'hello' type thing after that.

Just because he's at your door and can see you, you still don't have to answer.

JoWithABow · 27/06/2017 20:39

Can you ask any of the other neighbours to get a bit of background info on him? I'd keep a diary of what's happening as if it continues it sounds like harassment to me, you need to be clear & direct that this contact is unwanted.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 27/06/2017 20:40

But he doesn't want to film the child, according to the OP. He has given her the camera so she can.
Let's not go all paedomad so soon into the thread...

TenForward82 · 27/06/2017 20:40

I'm not the sort to see pedos everywhere but I can't help but wonder if this "increased level of interest" corresponded with OP being around more or OP having a child...

Original poster
SprogPlusPup · 27/06/2017 20:41

@justmadeperfectflapjacks

Yes - he has no family, only a godson -- and I think this is why I've been so patient and nice. When someone comes to the door everyday with strawberries or cherries, it's hard to say 'no thank you'...but perhaps I need to start.

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 27/06/2017 20:41

just wondering whether to be suspicious of him, or whether people just think it's an old man with no mates.

It doesn't matter one way or the other. Too much is too much and this is way too much (repeat this to yourself.)

You need boundaries for everyone's benefit, regardless of motivation.

Politely assertive is fine. You can do it.

BeachyKeen · 27/06/2017 20:41

Even of he is lonely, this isn't the way to deal with it. Is his wife ever around? Is she similar?

LovePeaceAndHarmony · 27/06/2017 20:41

I must say; he is acting very strange, I would not have allowed any of it, you need to lay down some boundaries before he gets worse.

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/06/2017 20:41

Our 'friendly' neighborhood married guy in his late 70s was arrested for watching child abuse videos...

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/06/2017 20:43

Why does it escalate when DH is away, do you think OP?