To have told DP that it's nobody else's fault that he's fat?

[TMaysSexyLegs]

DP recently went on a training team building weekend with work. He kept texting me whilst there saying he was hating it and considering coming home.
Anyway once home he told me that he had been made to carry heavy stuff around all weekend and walk and run long distances with no regards to his health and he felt he was going to have a heart attack, which nobody cared about. He said he felt unfairly treated and discriminated against. I asked if he'd been made to do more than the others and he said he hadn't, but he had been made to do the same as the others despite his "obvious disability" (being overweight!). I told him being overweight is a reversible condition which he chooses not to reverse and it's not a disability! I also said he should have been expected to do the same as everyone else as it's not their fault he's fat!! Anyway he's decided I have proved his point that overweight people are discriminated against and he's going to raise an official complaint. I said he's unreasonable.

I would have more sympathy if he actually tried to lose weight but struggled to do so but he doesn't even try! A typical Saturday for him is a bacon, sausage and egg buttie (or two!) for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch (two cheese burgers as a STARTER before tucking into a king size Big Mac meal) and a huge dinner. And THEN a takeaway on the night. I have no sympathy at all. He thinks I'm unreasonable and at worse, discriminative. AIBU??!

Jimin I live in France and fast food outlets are opening up at an alarming rate, so may explain the rising obesity problem.

But even carbs eaten in moderate portions won't make anyone overweight. And loads of people eat dairy products with no sugar - here and in France and Italy. Again - a question of habit.

swiss everything in moderation is the key

Yes things are changing in france too unfortunately.
And its ok because its the easy way. Not too expensive, no cooking, good 'enough' thanks to enough additives.

swiss yes they do eat yogurts wo sugar in. Not fat free yogurt. They are disgusting. Have you tried one?

And carbs arent all evil. Too much carbs is. And what we have been told is that actually carbs are ok and we can plenty so eat much more than we should do because it has been given the all clear, unlike fats.
God i even had a dietician telling me that it was ok to eat more or less only mars bars as log as you were not eating too many calories (she was working on the NHS. I dread to think what she was telling her patients)

Agreed, Blossom but people have very different ideas about moderation.

RedPeppers, not fat-free - no need. Low fat yogurt, quark etc. is fine without sugar.

Even better with fruit purée.

But sod other countries - there used to be nothing wrong with the way the British ate. Mealtimes sitting down instead of eating all the time, proper cooked food, very little crap. We never got to eat between meals! Puddings were homemade and not every day, sweets never. That, of course, wasn't fair - once a week would have been grand, though. I used to let mine get sweets on Fridays or on days where they knew other kids would get them.

And here kids get carrots and bread for snacks. It's normal.

I should stop shooting my mouth off...

The British have got much fatter over the last few decades.
Read 'The Spirit Level' to see how inequality affects overall obesity rates.
The more unequal a country, the worse the obesity rate is.

Its not at all the same thing, and it fucks me off when people assume it is.

Sometimes, it is the same sort of things.

Sorry if people see this as having the "blame" pinned on them but Eating yourself to death is self-destructive and/or addictive behaviour, and denial of problems is not a healthy state to be in. Sometimes people do one/both because they are ill, need help, or are so desperately unhappy that their subconscious acts out the self harm that something else (eg: a sense of duty, emotional ) will not allow.

Taking the time to consider the possibility of underlying problems before saying "well it's your own fault!" is not such a bad idea.

My NDN got incapacity benefit (when it existed) due to their weight. They has carers (he was bedridden due to his weight) and the carers brought them the food they chose. It was like watching the state deliver crack to an addict or alcohol to a drunk.
Crazy isn't it. I know this is very unPC but surely if someone is bedridden and relies on others to feed them, they could enforce a diet. But I suppose it would be against his human rights. As you say, his carers getting whatever food he wants isn't going to help in the slightest is it. They'd be better off getting a psychiatrist and a dietician to visit him with salads! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
[Disclaimer: I'm actually not sure how serious I am about this post]

Until we recognise that the "my plate" WOE is bollocks we'll always have an obesity crisis. Some people do really well on high carb, low fat diets but 65% of them regain the weight within 3 years
Absobloodylutely Jiminny. The low fat message has been a disaster and they're still pushing it! Most people simply don't need the amount of carbohydrate they're consuming.

God i even had a dietician telling me that it was ok to eat more or less only mars bars as log as you were not eating too many calories hmm (she was working on the NHS. I dread to think what she was telling her patients)
I have respect for dietitcians but ultimately they work for the government and have to follow government guidelines, even if those guidelines are flawed.

I should stop shooting my mouth off...
Nooo, keep posting Swiss! Yours and Jiminny's posts are really interesting

Read 'The Spirit Level' to see how inequality affects overall obesity rates. The more unequal a country, the worse the obesity rate is.

Oh yes, I recommend it too Neutrogena. Drug abuse, crime rates and alcoholism were also higher in more unequal societies too from what I remember.

The thing is, I really, really don't buy this "we are all victims of government guidelines" business. The internet is full of info from all different sources, a lot of which are credible.
Not only that, it's also possible to compare the habits - and the effects of those habits - of different countries, and to decide for oneself what to eat.
In the end, no one really knows for sure what's best, but it seems that only far too much of what definitely isn't natural food will do you actual harm.
Another thing I can't accept, rightly or wrongly, is that words coming out of other people's pens/keyboards/mouths are directly responsible for somebody "self-destructing", i.e. it making them eat more. Only the person concerned can do that.

I'm really not feeling any sympathy for him. It would have been discrimination if he wasn't made to do the same as the others.

There was an obese boy in my PE group at school, he was made to do everything everybody else did. That includes the 1500m run, he walked the whole thing and had to do his final lap after everybody was done.
He needs to kick the food habit and do some exercise otherwise he's on the way to a heartattack and/or diabetes.

It was not compulsory - he's not in prison.

Query why your man is such a shockingly weak person that he didn't just say he didn't want to/couldn't do the activity.

He obviously feels a bit depressed and disappointed with himself about being incapable of the physical exercise, but the correct response to that is to tell them at the time, not raise a phoney complaint and cry "discrimination" later - that is a bad career move, motivated by his own issues with his weight rather than anything his employer has actually done to him.

He needs to learn to untangle is bad feelings about his own weight from his work stuff.

Where's the OP?

My guess is that OP is working for a popular tabloid newspaper and is short of content for an article.

If no, please come back OP, and tell us if your DP regularly consumes the amount of food you listed and tell us his height and weight and activity levels.

I work with someone who is classed as disabled through obesity. Her daughter gets carer's allowance and comes to work with her. She is massive (and vile, her daughter suffers very badly as her carer). She gets a disabled badge, motability car (or the money towards one) and work have to make adjustments. This meant moving everyone around to give her a work space downstairs (can't do stairs and lift not accessible in the case of a fire) and allowing her to miss meetings as she "gets tired".

It is an absolute pain because we have to pick up the slack. Yes, she still teaches her classes (just) but can't be asked to do anything else that we all do (various duties, clubs etc) as she just says "I can't" and gets away with it.

However, I blame her, not the system as she is a vile cow who will have always played the system to benefit herself. I don't begrudge her what she has because to do so might mean someone else gets missed and suffers.

While I sympathize with your position, I don't think this was necessarily the smartest or the most supportive way of raising this issue. Your husband sounds like he has a problematic relationship with food, and probably needs a lot of support to break this - counselling, an exercise regime, a proper programme agreed with his doctor etc. But all this can only be put in place if he wants to lose weight in the first place. Talking more sympathetically and gently to him about how he feels about his body might be a better starting point.