To have told DP that it's nobody else's fault that he's fat?

[TMaysSexyLegs]

DP recently went on a training team building weekend with work. He kept texting me whilst there saying he was hating it and considering coming home.
Anyway once home he told me that he had been made to carry heavy stuff around all weekend and walk and run long distances with no regards to his health and he felt he was going to have a heart attack, which nobody cared about. He said he felt unfairly treated and discriminated against. I asked if he'd been made to do more than the others and he said he hadn't, but he had been made to do the same as the others despite his "obvious disability" (being overweight!). I told him being overweight is a reversible condition which he chooses not to reverse and it's not a disability! I also said he should have been expected to do the same as everyone else as it's not their fault he's fat!! Anyway he's decided I have proved his point that overweight people are discriminated against and he's going to raise an official complaint. I said he's unreasonable.

I would have more sympathy if he actually tried to lose weight but struggled to do so but he doesn't even try! A typical Saturday for him is a bacon, sausage and egg buttie (or two!) for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch (two cheese burgers as a STARTER before tucking into a king size Big Mac meal) and a huge dinner. And THEN a takeaway on the night. I have no sympathy at all. He thinks I'm unreasonable and at worse, discriminative. AIBU??!

"You're disabled under the Equality Act 2010 if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a 'substantial' and 'long-term' negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities."

Assuming that his weight is of the extent that it would take a long time to diet back to a normal range, he could indeed be considered currently disabled.

No, cancer can be classed as a disability under the DDA and a lot of people are 'cured' so can go on to no longer be considered disabled.

Yes, yes they are. The wheelchair was used merely as an example that treating everyone the same is not automatically not discriminatory. That was the only point, not a comparison between being overweight and being in a wheelchair which I agree are very different things.

TBH I'm amazed that the company running the event got anyone to do that amount of physical activity without checking medical histories atc. You're not supposed to suddenly start exercising like this out of the blue are you? No matter what size you are.

Of course your DP is being U OP. But I expect it came out of a place of embarrassment

Being overweight is not a disability. Being overweight is something you can actually have control over. I doubt his complaint will get much notice taken of.

Ok thanks for clarifying.

Being overweight to the extent it significantly affects and limits your life is indeed a disability, as defined by the equality act above. Its not limited to the morally worthy.

Being overweight can absolutely be classed as a disability.

Would have to be pretty overweight mind you. Probably to the point of not being able to work/limited work.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say although it does sound like he's got slightly too far by wanting to make a complaint, I do have some sympathy for him.

Being overweight really isn't very much fun, and most people who are overweight don't want to be. But losing weight can be really, really hard and people have many and varied reasons for not being able to do so. I'm not saying that people don't need to take some responsibility for their weight and address it if it's a problem (they/we absolutely do), but it's not usually something they'd/we'd choose for ourselves, or wish on other people.

It's so tempting to think 'just eat less - how hard can it be?!' but if it was that easy there wouldn't be any overweight people, right?

Yeah, you can be fit and overweight, but OP's DH plainly isn't!

YANBU.
Ah the okay-to-be-obese bandwagon which complains against there not being enough XXXL fashion and it being unfair to have to pay for two airline seats. His mentality is quite fashionable and I wouldn't be surprised if his company backs down. I've seen it on here and am surprised so many people aren't taking his side OP.

I'm not saying that people don't need to take some responsibility for their weight and address it if it's a problem

Why only some? If its only partly their own fault, who elses is it?

Can I also say to those people saying obesity is a choice and you can control it:

No it isn't and no you can't.

No one in the world chooses to be obese, that's not a thing. There's always, without fail an underlying issue fuelling sustained obesity, no one just eats themselves to death for a laugh.

Until guidelines for treatment for obesity catch up with the science of why we get fat we won't solve the issue.

For me it was my bodies reaction to sugar/ unstable swinging blood sugar levels that were the problem. Low carb, sugar free diet and i suddenly lost all interest in food and realise this must be how "normal" people feel about food. Revalation.

For other people it can be emotional, self medication, all sorts. There's no one cause of obesity just like there's no one cure.

To say it's just due to choice and bad habits is bollocks though.

I don't consider being overweight or obese a disability - however, if the goal was team building, then they picked a crap activity. Not everyone is able to run, or carry heavy weights, and there can be many reasons for that. It sounds more humiliating than team building. That said, he would be better to make that point in a measured way, and also address his diet and activity levels. It sounds like he eats a lot of crap and that isn't a good thing.

OP did he actually tell anyone he couldn't do it and if so how did they enforce obedience?
As a fat mom of a disabled child unless obesity is caused by a medical issue it shouldn't be classed as a disability.
I eat my emotions and I'm too low and stressed to look after myself how I should but that doesnt make me disabled
It makes me fat and sad.

But being obese is classed as a disability. You can be unable to work and get DLA/benefits. A member of my SW group stopped coming because she lost 7 stone and was asked to come in for reassessment.

Why would the company back down?

He had the opportunity to put forward any concerns he had before the event and during.

His grievance would get laughed out. The company may err on the side of caution if he was massively overweight (doesnt sound like he is) but even then they couldn't do anything to fix the situation now, just not ask him along on such an event again.

Whereas you are the brigade of "we must punish them more than they are punishing themselves because they struggle with an issue you personally dont"? Bet that feels nice to be so morally superior.

The fact is IT DOESNT MATTER why he is fat, its not your business and its not his works business. What is his works business is to make reasonable adjustments to ensure the comfort and happiness of their staff to a basic degree, and they didnt do it when they could have without too much fuss.

I don't think being obese is ever a good thing, but I hate it when people start on the 'it's self-inflicted' route which is a very slippery slope. What if he has an undiagnosed medical condition causing his appetite to be out of control? Is it still self-inflicted?

As a fellow obese person Jiminey I'd like to disagree with just about every word of your post. Very difficult doesn't equal impossible. And yes, every time i choose not to eat sensibly or avoid exercise i know i am choosing obesity. I may be weak willed bit im not stupid.

Ah the okay-to-be-obese bandwagon which complains against there not being enough XXXL fashion and it being unfair to have to pay for two airline seats. His mentality is quite fashionable and I wouldn't be surprised if his company backs down.

Precisely this. I understand that people are overweight and obese not just because 'they're lazy', but for many other factors which are not immediately apparent - thyroid issues, other illnesses, mental health problems leading to binge eating and over eating etc. I have been overweight, though admittedly nowhere near obese (I was a size 18 and 5 ft 2"), but I understand that it isn't always easy as just going on a diet and doing some exercise. I hate bodyshaming, whether that be for being overweight, underweight or anything in between.

It's not OK to discriminate against people for being fat. It's not OK to make people feel bad about themselves, and to simply dismiss obesity as being bourne from laziness.

However, what is also not OK to normalise obesity. It isn't healthy. It just isn't. That doesn't mean it's disgusting, or lazy, or anything like that - quite the opposite. But it isn't healthy and it shouldn't be normalised as such.

I have ME/CFS. I don't have a life, I can't work, I don't go out or on a date with dh ever ever ever, I struggle to look after my dd. I think it's pretty insulting that a man, who is able to work full time is talking about disability. I've finally finally reconciled with the fact that I am disabled. I refuse to get a blue badge because to me that's losing all hope and admitting to the world I'm done.

Your husband really does need to take a step back and look what he's doing to himself before he ends up immobile. He really has no idea what it's like to live a shit life but he's going to find out in 20 years time if something doesn't give. My uncle ended up on life support originating from poor diet. He died in his 50's.

A member of my SW group stopped coming because she lost 7 stone and was asked to come in for reassessment.

I don't really understand, she stopped coming to SW because she had to have her benefits reassessed?

obesity is now classed as a disabilty and many people are 'on the sick' because of it.

as a doctor being asked to provide sick notes for people basically because they have eaten themselves into that position really galls me....

you are not disabled you chose to eat too much and you have got fat

i would not be able to stay with someone like this, its not th ebeing overweight it is the whinging patheticness of his complaint that would put me off

I have been overweight, though admittedly nowhere near obese (I was a size 18 and 5 ft 2") You probably were clinically obese at that size.

'Team-building' is supposed to build teams. It failed spectacularly unless they were going for the tried and tested scapegoat method and that is their fault.