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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told DP that it's nobody else's fault that he's fat?

219 replies

TMaysSexyLegs · 26/06/2017 14:56

DP recently went on a training team building weekend with work. He kept texting me whilst there saying he was hating it and considering coming home.
Anyway once home he told me that he had been made to carry heavy stuff around all weekend and walk and run long distances with no regards to his health and he felt he was going to have a heart attack, which nobody cared about. He said he felt unfairly treated and discriminated against. I asked if he'd been made to do more than the others and he said he hadn't, but he had been made to do the same as the others despite his "obvious disability" (being overweight!). I told him being overweight is a reversible condition which he chooses not to reverse and it's not a disability! I also said he should have been expected to do the same as everyone else as it's not their fault he's fat!! Anyway he's decided I have proved his point that overweight people are discriminated against and he's going to raise an official complaint. I said he's unreasonable.

I would have more sympathy if he actually tried to lose weight but struggled to do so but he doesn't even try! A typical Saturday for him is a bacon, sausage and egg buttie (or two!) for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch (two cheese burgers as a STARTER before tucking into a king size Big Mac meal) and a huge dinner. And THEN a takeaway on the night. I have no sympathy at all. He thinks I'm unreasonable and at worse, discriminative. AIBU??!

OP posts:
OhtoblazeswithElvira · 26/06/2017 16:22

TBH I'm amazed that the company running the event got anyone to do that amount of physical activity without checking medical histories etc

This. Did they not do a risk assessment? Did they not consider that one of their employees is obese (which British law could see as a disability) and therefore, statically, unable to cope with as much activity as a non-obese person? What if he'd had a heart attack? Moral judgement should not have been a part of this process.

OP your DH is suffering the natural consequences of some very unhealthy eating habits. You sound disgusted at him TBH. This could be his wake-up call.

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 16:23

No one in the world chooses to be obese, that's not a thing

Actually some people do, not many but they exist. And while they may not choose the outcome, they choose the actions that lead to it.

Can we please stop with this notion that people just are obese and its nothing to do with them, not their fault and not something they can control? That just isn't the case in the very vast majority of cases.

It's like saying no-one chooses to die in a car crash, but they might have chosen not to wear their seatbelt, speed or drink before driving. Their choices lead to the outcome, same as in most cases of obesity.

JiminnyCricket · 26/06/2017 16:24

BarbarianMum but why do you choose those things? Do you enjoy obesity?

Loopytiles · 26/06/2017 16:25

HR cock up on the company's part IMO: had he had an injury or worse (eg heart attack) at the event they would have exposed him and other staff to risk.

JiminnyCricket · 26/06/2017 16:27

LiveLongAndProspero

No one is saying obesity is not the obese persons fault, of course everyone has a responsibility for their health. What I'm saying is demonising the obese as morally corrupted doesn't help us, and not recognising there's always a cause and effect going on is daft.

Over eating isn't the cause it's a symptom.

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 16:27

TBH I'm amazed that the company running the event got anyone to do that amount of physical activity without checking medical histories etc

I very much doubt they did. He's clearly the exaggerating type.

fascicle · 26/06/2017 16:27

Was your husband aware that the weekend would involve a lot of exercise? If he was not informed beforehand, I think that's an oversight. Exerting yourself without warning and without building up your fitness, is not fun.

YesMadamDeputySpeaker · 26/06/2017 16:28

What Mummyoflittledragon said on the previous page. With bells on.

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 16:30

No one is saying obesity is not the obese persons fault, of course everyone has a responsibility for their health. What I'm saying is demonising the obese as morally corrupted doesn't help us, and not recognising there's always a cause and effect going on is daft

People ARE saying that its not their fault, its right there. And no-one said anything about moral corruption.

Over eating isn't the cause it's a symptom

Sometimes. Sometimes not. It's not always due to deep dark reasons. You need to accept that quite often, people are fat because they eat too much, and that is really all there is to it.

I was obese. I wasn't eating to fill a void or self medicating with food. I was lazy, didn't exercise and enjoyed far too much of very unhealthy foods, because I liked them. It's not always a complex issue.

JiminnyCricket · 26/06/2017 16:33

I was 19st 1lb at new year, I'm 15st 10lbs now and shrinking because I dealt with my underlying issue.

We have different experiences but I still believe the vast majority of people are obese due to more than sloth and gluttony. That's my point.

PoorYorick · 26/06/2017 16:34

How can he afford to eat like that?

HappenstanceMarmite · 26/06/2017 16:36

TBH I'm amazed that the company running the event got anyone to do that amount of physical activity without checking medical histories etc*

I very much doubt they did. He's clearly the exaggerating type.

Precisely!

INeedANameChange · 26/06/2017 16:39

OBESITY IS NOT CLASSED AS A DISABILITY

That implies that any fat person is protected against discrimination. They really aren't.

If the effects of being obese are so severe as to cause a disability then in those circumstances they MIGHT qualify as disabled. It's the effect of the obesity, not obesity itself. But it isn't automatic and it would be very hard to prove a disability due to being overweight, as the ECJ have commented themselves.

Ginkypig · 26/06/2017 16:41

People like him make me really fucking angry.

He is not disabled, he is overweight he may have associated disabilities due to being overweight that might change the scenario obviously but even then most of those are reservable or at least can be made more manageable by losing weight or at the very least eating a better diet.

I am disabled, nothing I can control or do by myself will help (anything in my control I do already including losing 50lbs) I have absolutely no choice but to live with my disabilities for the rest of my life and work around them as best I can.

Tell him il swap bodies with him because then at least I can have a choice to possibly have a chance at a body without pain and suffering for fucking ever! although actually he can keep the penis ta

BarbarianMum · 26/06/2017 16:41

I enjoy food Jimminy and i enjoy certain aspects of obesity. Others i hate. It is not all sloth and gluttony by any means but often they do play their part.

NotdeadyetBOING · 26/06/2017 16:42

YANBU.

YesMadamDeputySpeaker · 26/06/2017 16:46

i enjoy certain aspects of obesity

Genuinely out of curiosity - which aspects of obesity do you enjoy? And why?

TheFatOfTheLand · 26/06/2017 16:47

Obesity may be classed as a disability, but I don't think that it should be unless you have a specific condition (e.g. Prader Willi).

For every person who "eats their emotions" for genuine psychological reasons there's another who is simply weak-willed and gluttonous. It's easy for an overweight person to blame it on something/someone else rather than their own love of cake/chocolate/chips/burgers.

Oh, and btw it's 'wheelchair user' not 'wheelchair bound' if you wish to avoid being offensive.

Loopytiles · 26/06/2017 16:48

Ginkypig, sorry about your disabilities, but if weight loss was a simple matter for obese people there would be far more slim people! It's far from easy.

My DM is both disabled and obese, the former doesn't help with weight loss. She has strong incentives to lose weight as it would help her conditions and pain, but just cannot do it.

Loopytiles · 26/06/2017 16:49

She was overweight but not obese before the disability and health problems.

Jux · 26/06/2017 16:51

What a twit. Does he really think that his determination to eat enough for 3 people is a disability?

Good luck.

PeaFaceMcgee · 26/06/2017 16:55

if weight loss was a simple matter for obese people there would be far more slim people! It's far from easy

This is obviously not the case here though, with that diet!

PeaFaceMcgee · 26/06/2017 16:57

He doesn't even want to lose weight

Ginkypig · 26/06/2017 17:00

Hi loopy

Just to make it very clear my post is only aimed at the husband from this thread and not because he has problems with his weight but because of his in my opinion disgusting bad attitude

I have massive sympathy for people who are overweight and feel they can't control it. It is very very hard living life having to battle with food because unlike many things you need it to live. For 99% of people it's just something they get on with but its tiniest of % of people like the op's husband that make people attitudes towards disabled people change. They see people like him and it's the rest of us who suffer the bad treatment.

Like I said Iv just lost 50lbs but it took a lot of not only hard work on the diet but also brain work if that makes sense. Iv had ups and downs for over 10 years so I'm no expert! I do hope I have finally cracked it this time though.

HipsterHunter · 26/06/2017 17:02

All this "people don't chose to be fat" well if being fat was purely a mental health issue on a par with anorexia, you would expect to see the same number of adults anoerix and obese.

1 in 4 adults in the UK is obese.

1.6m people in the UK are estimated as having a diagnosed or undiagnosed eating disorder. 65.14 people live in the UK.

66.6% men and 57.2% women in the UK are overweight.

Being fat is largly down to poor self control and poor life choices. It is much easier and fun to sit still and eat nice tasty food rather than to restrict yourself.

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