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To keep using reins even though DH is against it

297 replies

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 12:55

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

OP posts:
TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 25/06/2017 14:38

I hate seatbelts and always silently judge those that use them. Children are not crazy people! How will they learn if you are just strapping them in like a madman on a hospital bed? I also have high energy children, also they are close in age, so I know how hard work it can be to teach them to stay safe. But It is just lazy parenting in my opinion to use a seatbelt... you need to be more aware and be prepared to teach your child. Seatbelts are so lazy just like people who have 3/4/5 year olds in buggies.

LiveLongAndProspero · 25/06/2017 14:38

Oh do fuck off. Why do we care if you think reins are lazy? Nobody gives a fuck about your opinion.

If I hadn't used reins my ds would be dead a hundred times over.

MissMarpleSparkles · 25/06/2017 14:38

The thing about holding the hands of a small toddler... if they are very small, then they have to have their arm held up at an angle in order to be holding on to your hand. That's uncomfortable for everyone. (mind you, I even hate holding DH's hand because he is 6 ft 4 and I am 5 ft 1...).

Reins can be a little more comfy.

Groupie123 · 25/06/2017 14:38

Here's a piece of advice - don't have kids if you can't care for them. Herding around 2-3 kids like a pack of dogs is not the answer.

MoominFlaps · 25/06/2017 14:39

Oh do sod off Groupie.

LouHotel · 25/06/2017 14:40

Could you get the wrist strap ones so you can hold her hand at the same time to slowly train her to do that next to busy roads?

LucyFuckingPevensie · 25/06/2017 14:41

Yes, I liked the fact that my dads didn't have to walk around with their arms high up in the air too Miss Marple.
I would love to argue all day with the gf,s but my dc have been barking at the door for a walk.

MoominFlaps · 25/06/2017 14:41

guess some people are those sort of parents. Dummies, reins, jars of baby food, kids in nappies and buggies until 3+

Dummies, check. Reins, check. Jars - no, he wouldn't eat them. And he's not 3 yet so can't comment on the last two.

What "type" of parent are you btw? The type of parent who enjoys looking down your nose at other parents?

LucyFuckingPevensie · 25/06/2017 14:41

Ffs dc not Dads Grin

MoominFlaps · 25/06/2017 14:41

Lucy GrinGrinGrin

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 25/06/2017 14:42

I used to think the exact same thing youare . And then I pulled my head out of my arse and realised that some people parent differently to me.

I also had a four year old and two year old in a buggy on a daily basis. With a five year old standing on the back of it. So put that in your judgy pipe and smoke it.

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 25/06/2017 14:42

Holding reins attached to your child is no different to holding their hand, except that they have more range because the reins are usually longer, and more comfort because they have both arms free.

Turning it into anything more than that is pure prejudice and shows a serious lack of logical thinking.

n0rtherrn · 25/06/2017 14:44

Here's a piece of advice - don't have kids if you can't care for them. Herding around 2-3 kids like a pack of dogs is not the answer.

Fucking hell aren't you a treat.

I would rather 'herd' kids around on reins if they are too active for a buggy but not yet old enough to grasp road safety, you know, rather than the alternative, dead children under cars or missing children who have bolted.

LiveLongAndProspero · 25/06/2017 14:44

Here's a piece of advice - don't have kids if you can't care for them. Herding around 2-3 kids like a pack of dogs is not the answer

Here's a piece of advice: fuck off and keep your rude opinions to yourself.

LouHotel · 25/06/2017 14:45

Fyi my now 12 month old has been walking for 2 months and has no concept of fear yet. Reins (backpack ones) allow her freedom, without she would be in a carrier or pram.

I'll broach hand holding when she's two but its utterly ridiculous to judge parents for using them.

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 14:45

Thank you, I feel better about using reins now.

She won't let me carry her unless she's very tired. Then wriggles to get down after a few minutes. She won't always hold hands and twists free, I worry about a pulled elbow if I hold on while she's squirming.

Sometimes I bring the buggy, so if she dashes off I'd have to abandon buggy in the street to chase her.

I'll work on training her to stop, wait, go etc. Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:
fannydaggerz · 25/06/2017 14:46

I used reigns on mine when he was younger, when he was about 2.5 I explained that if he ran off, he would go back into them. It took a couple of goes at this and it clicked that if he bolted somewhere he wasn't supposed to, he would go back in them.

I got him a lovely little backpack that he didn't mind wearing as much as other ones.

When you've got a sprinter, I think they're necessary.

OutsSelf · 25/06/2017 14:47

What a very tall two year old the PP, whose two year old was hit by a wing mirror, must have had. Hmm

We didn't use reins but a mixture of buggy, handholding, wrap, occasional jogging to keep up. I think it depends on a few our circumstances, I was always able to remain focused on my DS if we were walking about with him unleashed and if I couldn't, he went in the buggy.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 25/06/2017 14:47

Here's a piece of advice. There's really not that much difference between an excited dog and an excited toddler in terms of self control the dog perhaps has a smidgen more .

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 14:48

I hate reins and always silently judge those that use them.

With the Hubble telescope, I still could not find a single fuck to give.

C8H10N4O2 · 25/06/2017 14:49


Grin Grin

OutsSelf · 25/06/2017 14:49

DFO, groupie. Miles in shoes and all that

CloudPerson · 25/06/2017 14:49

Ds2 was a bolter, had zero understanding of consequences and would have been dead several times over without reins.
Because we were/are responsible parents we used reins, whilst slowly teaching him to hold hands and to stop or come back when we called him.

During this time, a lady at my older DC school used to tut and shake her head at me. Her similar age toddler was apparently a little angel who had decent parents who didn't need to use reins Hmm. Until one day when the little girl shot out into a busy road before her mother even knew she'd gone. Luckily she was fine, cars screeched to a halt and gave the mother death stares and shouts. She never tutted at me again.

If a child is a bolt risk, it's irresponsible not to deal with this effectively, rather than dicing with death every time you go out.

RoseVase2010 · 25/06/2017 14:51

My friends all used reins and now they're older and off the reins the kids walk miles ahead/behind or run off down the road. The reins taught them nothing about road safety or having to stay by their parents.

My DS is 2 and a bolter yet I have managed to teach him to stop, look, listen and wait to cross roads. Whilst safely on a lead (yes, an actual lead, like a dog).

When my dog was a puppy I used to walk him on a lead, now he's older he's allowed off lead. Does this make me a bad dog owner too?

I make no apologies for keeping my dog or child safe whilst they were 'in training'.

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 25/06/2017 14:53

I hate parents who unnecessarily put their children at risk and I always silently judge them.

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