My feed

to access all these features


To keep using reins even though DH is against it

297 replies

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 12:55

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

OP posts:
Deploycharitygoats · 26/06/2017 19:16

WeAllHaveWings congratulations on your Mr Tickle-armed child.

MiaowTheCat · 26/06/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoisonousSmurf · 26/06/2017 19:40

Reins are good for toddlers. They can walk further without having to keep their arm up in the air. Both my DDs used them, and also on walks in the mountains. Perfect system to let them explore what they can do in safety.
Too many people stick their toddlers into pushchairs all the time and then the child can't be bothered to walk!
YANBU, safety always comes first before what people think of you.

Orangebird69 · 26/06/2017 20:18

I'm 6'2. Sometimes I wear heels. It hurts my back and is uncomfortable for my ds just to hold hands for too long. Reins solve the problem for both of us.

TiggyD · 26/06/2017 20:24

Keep using reins.

A safety device for an unpredictable child. What's up with that?

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 20:29

I haven't read all 11 pages. I don't like reigns but I have always used a pushchair in busy/unsafe areas. My children only walked as toddlers in parks/countryside/open spaces. Once they did start being trusted to walk, I would warn them that if they ran off, it was straight in the pram. They soon got the picture!
Just a suggestion Smile

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 20:31

Thanks, because none of us ever thought of teaching our children not to run off. Simply never occurred.


DailyMailReadersAreThick · 26/06/2017 20:32

I love how reins are belittling but strapping them into a chair and pushing them around on wheels teaches them dignity and independence Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/06/2017 20:33

That would have been soooooo useful. Just tell them not to. And dragging a pram everywhere to make a point to a toddler? Genius!

BasketOfDeplorables · 26/06/2017 20:36

I don't think an almost 2 year old can make that sort of choice? Sure, you can say run off and it's in the buggy and follow through, but my 1.5 year old would just not follow that string of events. She'd just be upset that she was now in the buggy.

Iamastonished · 26/06/2017 20:36

What a good idea Screwinthetuna. I wish I had thought of that Hmm

Mehfruittea · 26/06/2017 21:08

My DS decided at 18 months he was never getting in the buggy again. He screamed blue murder and did the old banana trick/disappearing armpits gag and it was over. Bloody bugaboo was a waste of money.

I had a really difficult choice to make with reins. I'm disabled. Now a wheelchair user, but at that point I was still walking, with increasing pain and a diagnosis of a lifelong progressive condition.

I knew I would not be able to chase after DS if he ran very fast (and he already was) or if he got far I would be screwed. I considered reins and without any judgement of other people's choices, I chose not to. I read up on different behaviours that I would need to install early on if I was going to continue to be independent and parent him without someone else's supervision.

For me: my behaviours teach my child how to behave. Genuine fear in my voice and face should give my child the right social queues, but you can't put them in danger to do it. With reins, you lose the fear in yourself. I'm not saying a parent becomes complacent. If a child runs toward the road they either get a half scream/screech about danger whilst being hugged and told off all at the same time; or a tug on the reins, feeling of pressure on the chest or pulling of wrist with a firm NO! It's a different experience and I didn't have time on my side.

DH and I actually took him for weekend walks on canal towpaths, no holding hands but a helicopter parent front and back. He had had swimming lessons and was comfortable 'falling' in to water and we felt it was safe. He stayed on the path, sometimes went to close to the edge, always got praise and sometimes told off with the genuine fear/cuddle thing.

DS is 5 now and I use a wheelchair. He can't hold my hand or hold on for his own safety. Powerchairs are heavy and can break toes. He walks sensibly at the side or infront where I can see. He has to be more conscious of road safety than his friends, and he is. He's as impulsive as any 5 yr old, just not on the street near traffic.

Everyone needs to make the right choice for them. I was heavily criticised at the time for not using reins. Several were bought for me or just left lying round, in my house. I knew I couldn't run as fast as the next mum, but also knew my future prognosis.

I would urge mums to support each other for the choices they make. The fastest running mum I know doesn't use reins. Her 4 yr old has ADHD and she chooses to run to him each time he is in danger. She's on it. We all need to do what we think is right for our child.

Yogagirl123 · 26/06/2017 21:18

I always used reins, with my two DC, stopped me worrying and kept DC safe.

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 21:33

Wow, what's with all the bitchiness! Odd balls Confused

BoraThirch · 26/06/2017 21:43

It is bizarre that some people think restraining a child in a pushchair is better for them/their development than letting them walk but using reins as a safety precaution!

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 26/06/2017 21:48

Yeah I don't get that. In a buggy they're restrained but on reins least they've got the opportunity to walk but you still have that safety net incase. Obviously everyone different and feels differently just personally find that one bizzare.

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 21:49

What on earth is wrong with a push chair!? The vast majority of the western world use one. Have you got the Monday blues or what Hmm

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 21:51

Nothing wrong with a pushchair. It's just you're a bit of a dick if you say "OMG reins are awful, you're so bad to restrain them like that, why not just use a pushchair?" if that isn't just another method of restraining them.

SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 26/06/2017 21:51

Screw I don't think the bitchiness is from others....

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 21:52

Because if you are outside you are generally going somewhere? Why would you walk down a main road at snails pace with a toddler bumping into everyone when you can put them In a pram, walk to where you are going and then let them play safely in the park?
I actually haven't seen people use reins in a long time, where are you living/walking that it would be suitable to use them? In a forest/field/park then surely the child can run around?

BoraThirch · 26/06/2017 21:52

Push chairs are very useful but hardly a better choice over reins - what's the benefit to the child of being sedentary and restricted over walking?

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 21:53

Live long, when the hell did I say reins were awful!??? Please quote...Hmm

BoraThirch · 26/06/2017 21:54

So push chair is just the lazy option - easier for the parent Wink

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 21:54

Why would you walk down a main road at snails pace with a toddler bumping into everyone when you can put them In a pram, walk to where you are going and then let them play safely in the park?

Cos you're not going to the bloody park everytime you leave the house?

Jog on.

Screwinthetuna · 26/06/2017 21:57

Er, if I'm not going the park I'm going out in the car or the local shop/school pick up/playgroup with the pram, yes?

Speaking do jogging on, let me guess, you jog with your child on reins too, no doubt?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.