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To keep using reins even though DH is against it

297 replies

Suntrapped · 25/06/2017 12:55

For background I'm a SAHM.

DD seems more excitable/hyperactive than other toddlers her age. Eg she always runs instead of walking and runs off. In parks she is the one racing round the perimeter or trying to climb over the fence, while my friends' toddlers potter happily nearby.

I use reins as I'm terrified she'll run into the road or out of sight. She doesn't come back when called. Only time she's off reins is the park, at child-friendly places like farms or if DH and I are both with her. Recently he insisted we start letting her off reins so she gets used to it. Yet she won't hold hands for long. She ran off in the street (pedestrian zone luckily) and tripped up a lady before DH could catch her (not the first time she's tripped people up as she darts in front of their feet.

DH thinks it's bad for her self esteem and development to be on reins 'like a dog' and she needs to learn to behave without them. He thinks she's too old for them.

What do you think? Please be honest

OP posts:
Spudlet · 25/06/2017 14:53

I can stop my overexcitable spaniel mid-chase with a single (admittedly rather loud and firm) word. My toddler? Not so much, and apparently, whistle training for children is frowned upon.

My reins were from Argos, under a tenner. They live in my bag and come out when needed. I don't use a pram as a general rule, we are a sling, cycling and walking family, so something lightweight that means he can explore in safety is very handy to have on me.

SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 25/06/2017 14:53

I lived for a while in a country where reins were massively frowned upon.
This was the same country where mothers held babies in their laps in moving vehicles, and children were usually to be seen bouncing all over the interior of vehicles, hanging out of open windows and sunroofs - anything but safely strapped in.
Parents would also cross the busy, dangerous roads with tiny children trailing unsupervised in their wake, without so much as a backwards glance.
So given their insanely shit take on child safety, I must conclude that reins are a very good idea.

askyerfather · 25/06/2017 14:53

You're both right in a way.

Your DD does of course need to learn to walk/play nicely and as long as you always use reigns she won't learn. However while she's a danger to herself you need the reigns in busy/dangerous places.

My youngest likes to run off. I made it so if he walked nicely he got to go where he wanted to go. If he bolted/misbehaved the reign went on and we went back home/to the car. It's a pain in the arse to do this as it realy cramps your life and ability to get stuff done but they do eventually get it.

Talk to your husband and come up with a plan as you both have her best interests at heart here.

MrsPresley · 25/06/2017 14:54

OP, I'm the poster referred to a few times up thread (thank you posters for remembering me Flowers .

My son would be 34 now if he'd had reins on, I've had 32 years of Christmas, birthdays etc when I've had to put on my "happy face" when all I've wanted to do was curl up die!

Can you really imagine that? Every time there's a happy family occasion, no one mentions your child, the one that should be here celebrating, but isn't Sad

OP, please use reins, and as for people who say they don't need them/it's lazy/like herding them Hmm or whatever other excuse you can think of not to use them, well all I can say is it's easy to say when it's not your child that's dead!

askyerfather · 25/06/2017 14:55

oops, I meant reins although we do know that our children do reign.

MissMarpleSparkles · 25/06/2017 14:57

MrsPresley. Thanks

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 25/06/2017 14:57

MrsPresley I am so very sorry you lost your son. Flowers

MrsPringles · 25/06/2017 14:58


Toddlers are unpredictable balls of excitement. They are easily distracted and quick.
If he doesn't like the standard reins would he consider the Little Life backpack type, DS has a Buzz Lightyear one (which is actually pretty cool) and doesn't look like typical reins

Use them, your child's safety is more important than your husbands silly opinion

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 25/06/2017 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPringles · 25/06/2017 14:59

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how awful it was SadFlowers

LittleLionMansMummy · 25/06/2017 14:59

Here's a piece of advice - don't have kids if you can't care for them. Herding around 2-3 kids like a pack of dogs is not the answer

Actually, this is probably the only occasion where I could see myself using reins - when trying to walk more than one child from A to B. I get that, it makes sense.

Never felt the need for reins with ds, he was in a buggy when near roads and allowed to run around supervised in any other situation after we'd assessed it for risk. When he was too old to be in a buggy he was old enough to listen and respond to instruction. I don't believe they're 'essential' at all in most situations, but neither do I judge those who use them. They know their child better than anyone and if it makes their life easier then so be it. I rely too heavily on tv for my 6yo when I'm sorting out my 7mo. Some would call that lazy parenting. I'd call it getting through the day without going insane.

TidyDancer · 25/06/2017 15:01

MrsPresley Flowers I have retold your story so many times in real life. I have no doubt you have played a role in protecting numerous children because of how bravely you have shared what happened in your family.

Spudlet · 25/06/2017 15:05

MrsPresley Flowers I've read your story before, but on an old thread that I didn't want to bump so I've never had the chance to say how sorry I am for your loss before.

I am another one who tells your story in real life as I do think that there should be no stigma attached to a very sensible safety precaution. I hope it's done some good. I'm sure that your bravery in talking about what happened to you has saved lives.

HildaOg · 25/06/2017 15:05

MrsPresley; so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine your heartbreak.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 25/06/2017 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/06/2017 15:07

youaredeluded. My dd tried to run off when she was 18 months in a shop while I was paying. I grabbed her hood and just got her in time. She had a reflex anoxic seizure through the shock although I didn't know it as the time. I thought she'd died. I was in the middle of Boots with a bunch of wankers walking all over is, sobbing over my dd white faced purple lipped and not breathing. So yes, I bought something to attach myself to my dd after the ambulance came and stayed with us for half an hour, took her vitals and released her. Judge away and FOTTFSOF.

My dd was like your dd op. Ran round like a lune. She has far more energy than any other child I've met. It's not so simple as getting your child under control. I didn't get on with reins. I used a wrist band. She hated it less than reins. I wouldn't have used a rucksack tbh because I wanted to be 100% attached to her in any dangerous situation.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/06/2017 15:08

MrsPresley. Flowers

MoominFlaps · 25/06/2017 15:09

Flowers MrsPresley

I hope the perfect parent brigade who have posted shitty comments on this thread feel ashamed of themselves.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 25/06/2017 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoorYorick · 25/06/2017 15:10

MrsPresley, I'm so sorry for your tragedy. Thank you for telling us your story. I can't imagine how painful it must be, but as the idiot brigade proves, it's important.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 25/06/2017 15:11

I'm so sorry for your loss MrsPresley, you're so brave to share your story and, as a pp said, there must be so many children saved because their parents have read on here what you went through and used reins Flowers

To all reins naysayers: I love reins. DD is three and is showing all the signs of ADHD, including a total lack of common sense and no notion of danger whatsoever. I'd much rather have people accuse me of "dragging her around like a dog" than not have my daughter at all.

requestingsunshine · 25/06/2017 15:11

I never used reins, I'll admit I don't like them and it would feel like I was walking a dog so I understand where your husband is coming from.

However, mine always knew to hold my hand or the buggy and not run off at that age and I had 4 under 4 so it was very important they listened. I reinforced those rules and never had a problem. I also didn't live in a busy city so if you live somewhere that's very crowded and fast streets of traffic that's quite possibly very different.

I'll admit when I visited a holiday park recently I was a bit surprised at the number of young children on reins. My older children thought it was hilarious because they'd never seen it before and I just assumed it must be a thing in that area, or that the children might have special needs. Especially as there was no traffic. But I can see how if you have a toddler who is quite defiant that it would be sensible to put reins on them in busy streets.

Erinys · 25/06/2017 15:13

I fell head first into a rather deep pond enticed by the pretty swans as a toddler. Luckily I had reins on and my Uncle could pull me to safety.

For reasons like that we use them all the time. However if we're somewhere safe, i.e. the park, I just loop them over the backpack part or let DS hold the rein himself.

He loves packing his backpack with snacks/his camera etc.

GreenTulips · 25/06/2017 15:16

I had twins in reins because they walked one behind one in front and with an additional child I didn't have 3 pairs of eyes

Mine weren't bolters -

Guess what? They are all now road aware and safely off them - no harm down and self esteem still intact

Rachel0Greep · 25/06/2017 15:16

Mrs Presley I thought immediately of you and your little child, when I saw the heading of this thread. Flowers

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