To have corrected this child when his mother didn't.

[Designerenvy]

Background, we were at birthday party for a 6 year old. There were anout 16 kids at it ... 4 mum's present to supervise.

One boy was rude all day and just causing havoc.
He was upsetting all the kids , calling them names and using really bad language. The mum was there and just laughed everything off, didn't once correct him.
I ignored him and his mum as much as I could until he pushed another boy off a trampoline and the other boy was screaming in pain. Tg no damage done...no head injury or broken bones....but I'd say a good bit of bruising.
At which stage I brought the boy back to his mum and asked her to deal with him as he had injured other child ( who's mum wasn't there). She just laughed it off at which stage I explained to her ds how dangerous it was and that the other boy could have been very badly hurt. cos she wasnt about to explain it to him!
I asked him to apologise and he downright refused.
I went back to injured boy and the mum said the injured boy had started the argument at which point I said that her ds still shouldn't have done what he did. The mum said it was none of my business but I felt there was no one there to stick up for the injured boy as his mum was not present.
Did I overstep the mark ?
By the way I know for a fact this boy has no special needs etc as I know the background well.... if he did, I would of course have handled it differently. I was more annoyed with the mum than the boy tbh!

many (most?) autistic children may NOT be able to totally overcome their profound neurological differences to fit into a neurotypical ideal that many non-autistic children struggle with

However, if no-one tries to teach them what is appropriate, then they never WILL be able to overcome their profound neurological differences, will they?

Allowing ANY child to behave in a potentially dangerous manner, particularly around smaller, younger or in any other way, are vulnerable children is NOT GOOD PARENTING.

Any child can slip out of sight for a moment and create havoc - none of us have eyes in the backs of our heads - but abdicating parental responsibility because your child has greater difficulties than may others isn't on.

This boy could have badly hurt a three-year-old child. His parents should have at least apologised, even if they felt it appropriate to mention his autism then.

Had it been him that was hurt or frightened (e.g. had he tried to push past much bigger children, and ended up getting shoved out of the way himself) would his mother have been happy for him to be upset/hurt/frightened?

If not, then his parents should make sure he doesn't upset/hurt/frighten other children.

A child cannot help being autistic, but s/he can be taught how to behave towards others

Happy that is not true for all children with ASD, sorry.

please stop propagating myths

Happyflappy how do you teach a child who cognitively is similar to a 12 month old, to consider the feelings and safety of others?
I think all the experts involved my child's care and education would love to know your superior specialist knowledge.

You did the right thing. The mother sounds like she is bringing up a boy who will be a real menace unfortunately. Some people just think their little darlings can do no wrong.

how do you teach a child who cognitively is similar to a 12 month old, to consider the feelings and safety of others?

if teaching that is not possible, close parental supervision is required.

I agree close supervision is required.
Happyflappy does seem to think it can always be taught probably because she has no experience of more severe asd.

Back to the OP - I don't think it was her place to demand the child should apologise. Otherwise, I think she did a good job

I agree. Unless a child is going to have someone tied to their side for the rest of their lives, they need to be given some space to learn and occasionally things will happen - just as they do with much younger nt children.

Bumblebee61 The mother sounds like she is bringing up a boy who will be a real menace unfortunately.

Or alternatively, autistic. Although you seem to be confusing the terms.

My son has been brutally bullied by several evil little shits with lazy-arse mothers. He's the sweetest, kindest kid himself. His old head said she's never encountered a kid so lacking in nastiness. His Plan included areas of trying to teach him to recognise cuntish behaviour from neuro-typical kids, and that he didn't have to allow himself to be exploited.

And most of those kids had good mothers. Who just aren't there in school hours.

I do wonder why people are so obsessed by arguing that autistic kids are going to be mean nasty brutes to their little poppets. It's like the threads screaming about how their little darling shouldn't have to ask everyone to the class party because a bully might be included - 99% of the time, the excluded child isn't a bully. They're just weird and socially excluded. But that doesn't suit the narrative, does it?

Then again idiots on here also earnestly explain about all of that amazing social kudos and status you get from a disabled child. No social exclusion for the kid, no dealing with anxiety attacks in crowded places while lovely parents like some of the posters here tut over your child's "tantrum" and your appalling attempts to soothe, reassure and comfort them.

I probably sound bitter. Posts on this place this week, most of which I have ignored, have got to me. So sorry - will try to be as lovely and thoughtful as some of you in future.

No not unreasonable at all. You didn't shout at him or anything you explained why what he did was wrong when his mother wouldn't. The fact wasn't it was a safety issue. I have told some children to stop doing dangerous things before and I've also said to older children that if their parents are fine with their language then that's well and good but could they either not swear in front of my much younger children or move further away so they can't be heard. This was a family and friends party situation also. I think as long as you take care not to actually shout or say anything rude then correcting any child's behaviour that is dangerous is fine. I believe it does my DCs good when someone else tells them off because it makes them realise their mummy isn't just being a meanie, most other mummies and daddy's also don't think it's ok to climb on furniture or hit someone etc. Obviously not the case with this mum though 😡

Oh, and OP - you did absolutely the right thing.

Well done you - parents behaviour at parties is often quite contrary - the mother ignoring her sons bad behaviour - so many mothers happy to drop off 6 year olds at a pretty much unstructured/unsupervised party. I know they reach an age where you can drop them off and some children are ok but I think 6 at a party which is pretty much a free for all where there is no planned entertainment is perhaps a bit optimistic to expect nothing will go amiss.

Do appreciate either child could have had SN but again in my experience it's usually the same old suspect eg just naughty badly behaved children rather than the one or two who have statemented special needs who cause the problems

I think we need to get away from the blanket assumption that all naughtiness can be explained away by a child having special needs ditto why the assumption that every child with special needs behaves badly many are very well behaved

I flipping hate trampolines. I know the kids love them but they scare the life out of me. Only one child on at a time!

I'd say you did a good thing & I applaud you for having the guts to do it. As you remained at the party to supervise I'd say your actions were justified.

I am the worst to ask as I would absolutely expect a parent to correct my child if they misbehaved. In the same breath i would be monitoring my child's behaviour as well. You are not unreasonable

You did the right thing takes a lot of courage to do what you did. well done and shame on the other mother.

I am the mum of a child with suspected Asperger's. He's a lovely lad but can be aggressive at parties as he doesn't know how to show his excitement. However I am there watching and reacting the whole time. I would never not react to something like that. I continue to take him to the parties he's invited too as he does enjoy them in his way and that's part of life. There may be more going on with the boy but his mother should be a lot more proactive

My son has sen, he screamed in an adults face last week, we left the play area x