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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have corrected this child when his mother didn't.

186 replies

Designerenvy · 25/06/2017 08:49

Background, we were at birthday party for a 6 year old. There were anout 16 kids at it ... 4 mum's present to supervise.

One boy was rude all day and just causing havoc.
He was upsetting all the kids , calling them names and using really bad language. The mum was there and just laughed everything off, didn't once correct him.
I ignored him and his mum as much as I could until he pushed another boy off a trampoline and the other boy was screaming in pain. Tg no damage done...no head injury or broken bones....but I'd say a good bit of bruising.
At which stage I brought the boy back to his mum and asked her to deal with him as he had injured other child ( who's mum wasn't there). She just laughed it off at which stage I explained to her ds how dangerous it was and that the other boy could have been very badly hurt. cos she wasnt about to explain it to him!
I asked him to apologise and he downright refused.
I went back to injured boy and the mum said the injured boy had started the argument at which point I said that her ds still shouldn't have done what he did. The mum said it was none of my business but I felt there was no one there to stick up for the injured boy as his mum was not present.
Did I overstep the mark ?
By the way I know for a fact this boy has no special needs etc as I know the background well.... if he did, I would of course have handled it differently. I was more annoyed with the mum than the boy tbh!

OP posts:
PicaPauAmarelo · 25/06/2017 11:27

You did the right thing, even if he had SN he'd still need to be corrected. My SN son can get overwhelmed at birthdays but he is corrected, otherwise how will he ever learn or learn how to cope?

Madwoman5 · 25/06/2017 11:27

Right on op. Yadnbu

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/06/2017 11:27

YANBU. What were you supposed to do? Stand by & ignore a child being injured thanks to someone else's dangerous behaviour?

My DS1 has ASD & could get rough at parties (overly excited, didn't recognise the line between fun play & OTT behaviour). Because of that I stayed to every party he went to & watched him like a hawk. I would jump in & put him right as soon as possible. SN or not, I consider that part of parenting. If you know that your DC has a tendency to be rough you monitor them closely & correct them as soon as needed. You don't stand there cooing & laughing at their negative behaviour.

Kids argue & bicker all the time. That doesn't mean you can injure someone because "he started it".

At least you now know why the child behaves the way he does. Quite simply - because he is allowed to.

Original poster
Designerenvy · 25/06/2017 11:27

If the injured child had a parent there, I wouldn't have said anything. It wasn't all day, sorry, it was 2 and a half hours but was after a school day, so long enough at that age tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Designerenvy · 25/06/2017 11:29

Yes, santa ...I agree all kids bicker and it's howorking it's dealt with that matters.

OP posts:
Unadon · 25/06/2017 11:31

I'll never understand why some people choose to be parents when they're clearly not interested in actually parenting their kids.

RedPeppers · 25/06/2017 11:34

YWNBU
The mum of the injured child trusted you to keep that child safe.
That's what you did by sticking up for him and telling the child who pushed him off from the trampoline.
The same thing would happened at school or any other environment and the person in charge (aka you in those circumstances) would have stepped in.

The mum is going to have some big issues when that child reaches teenagehood....

Lottapianos · 25/06/2017 11:38

Unadon, having worked with parents for many years, it seems to come as a shock to a lot of people that children need interaction and supervision from their parents. So many people expect their kids to entertain themselves even when they're tiny, and to play quietly without bothering the adults. And if you challenge that, you're criticising their 'parenting style' and it's not your business and how very dare you. It's not a 'parenting style', it's just being clueless

I'm glad to see you've had so much support on here OP

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2017 11:38

"This is how criminals and bullies are made"
^
This 100%.

She won't be laughing 10 years down the line. When her little poppet is facing a lengthy prison sentence.
Someone had to pick him up on his behavior, seeing as his mother has an aversion to doing so. You only said what the parents were thinking.
Perhaps if these "spirited" children are apprehended by strangers. It might shock them into behaving themselves.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2017 11:41

No you so did the right thing. I hate these types of parents, they raise entitled children, who turned into entitled adults who think the world owes them, and they have all the perks with no responsibilities.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/06/2017 11:46

I agree as a parent with a child with ASD and learning delay, there are moments when I have had to remove dd from a situation, that includes a party as its just too much for her. Though dd has SN, I still do not accept poor behaviour from her, as she is high functioning and does have some understanding. The other day I was walking down the street and bumped into a neighbour, neighbour said hello to her, she went and slapped her. I was mortified and apologised. Later we got home and I told dd that, the behaviour was not good, that you have to be nice to people, that I would not be taking her to MacDonalds as a result. So I made her go round, and apologise, which she did really nicely. Neighbour was happy with that. When similar things have happened, its met with sanctions and short explanations.

quizqueen · 25/06/2017 11:57

Sounds like it's time to cross both the mother and the child off any future guest lists - yours and the injured child's for a start and any other witnesses too scared to say anything. The message will soon get round.

user1495025590 · 25/06/2017 12:05

I am trying to understand a party for 16 6 year olds where multiple children are jumping on a trampolione with no net! Unless it was at a trampoline park in which case I would have involved the staff and got him to tell the boy off.

user1495025590 · 25/06/2017 12:07

2.5 hours jumping on a trampoline is too long! No wonder the kids were getting fractious they must have been exhausted

Original poster
Designerenvy · 25/06/2017 12:11

There was a net he pushed him through the opening when another child was getting off. They didn't spend the whole time on the trampoline and only 4 were allowed on at a time. They had party games and food also.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 25/06/2017 12:18

I hope the host parents didn't allow him back on the trampoline - no apology, no play.

nina2b · 25/06/2017 12:20

Good for you, OP.

Oly5 · 25/06/2017 12:20

Yanbu

confuugled1 · 25/06/2017 12:23

Anybody else on here also thinking that if the situation had been reversed and a kid had snapped back at the bully child resulting in him getting hurt, the mother would have been there like a shot, loudly demanding apologies and retribution...

Speculation I know but unfortunately have seen it happen toomany times.

drinkingtea · 25/06/2017 12:30

confuugled I used to know a parent just like that - helecoptered her son constantly, but not to ensure he behaved, only to make sure everyone did as he wanted and nobody ever crossed him. Once I was outside with my youngest and her son was playing kick about football with my middle one and a group of other 8 year olds on a little field. Her boy was knocked over totally accidentally by the looks of it and ran to his mum - started bawling only as he reached her. She called the boy who'd knocked her son over and told her son to kick him in the shin - which he did, hard! Shock Angry then she yelled at the boy her kid had kicked til he ran home ShockAngry

So glad that family moved away!

Spikeyball · 25/06/2017 12:37

Agree with those who have said sn not relevant and not needing mentioning.
If your child is inclined to rough play you watch them and step in before things get out of hand.
My child cannot apologise but I say sorry on his behave if he gets 'grabby'.

HappyFlappy · 25/06/2017 12:42

Well done OP.

The other child had no-one to protect or stand up for him, and I'm glad you did. I would have done the same.

It pees me off when people say "It's none of your business" - well, yes it IS> If someone is being hurt right in front of your eyes, that MAKES it your business!

If her child had been the one being bullied, I'll bet she wouldn't have been telling you to butt out then, You did exactly the right thing. (And I bet her badly-behaved son isn't asked to many more parties, either.)

user1495025590 · 25/06/2017 12:42

only 4 were allowed on at a time
!!!!
It's a wonder only 1 child got hurt!

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 12:47

Good for you OP.

Some people think their kids can behave how they like wherever they like and seem to think anyone who gives boundaries is some kind of evil individual who with squash their little angels soul.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 25/06/2017 12:57

The mother sounds pathetic. And you did the right thing absolutely.

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