To have corrected this child when his mother didn't.

[Designerenvy]

Background, we were at birthday party for a 6 year old. There were anout 16 kids at it ... 4 mum's present to supervise.

One boy was rude all day and just causing havoc.
He was upsetting all the kids , calling them names and using really bad language. The mum was there and just laughed everything off, didn't once correct him.
I ignored him and his mum as much as I could until he pushed another boy off a trampoline and the other boy was screaming in pain. Tg no damage done...no head injury or broken bones....but I'd say a good bit of bruising.
At which stage I brought the boy back to his mum and asked her to deal with him as he had injured other child ( who's mum wasn't there). She just laughed it off at which stage I explained to her ds how dangerous it was and that the other boy could have been very badly hurt. cos she wasnt about to explain it to him!
I asked him to apologise and he downright refused.
I went back to injured boy and the mum said the injured boy had started the argument at which point I said that her ds still shouldn't have done what he did. The mum said it was none of my business but I felt there was no one there to stick up for the injured boy as his mum was not present.
Did I overstep the mark ?
By the way I know for a fact this boy has no special needs etc as I know the background well.... if he did, I would of course have handled it differently. I was more annoyed with the mum than the boy tbh!

Well done you! The other mother should not have needed you to get involved as any decent parent would have dealt with their own child immediately! I would like to think if my child was in that situation at a party that another parent would have looked out for him/her or told them off if needed.

Navy if the child as SN the parent needs to deal with it. They don't need to be telling strangers their child's personal information.

YWNBU you are doing the kid a favour by calling him (and his mum) out on his behaviour, poor kid obviously sees nothing wrong with acting the way he does because his mum doesn't give a shit. If enough outsiders tell him it may sink at some point and he'll likely have a happier life for it!

When you say 'all day', how long was this party for 16 six year olds? Two hours is absolutely long enough.

Of course you were right and I'm slightly surprised the host parents weren't a bit more on it.

Navy they may or they may not. A child's private medical or other needs are not up for public consumption.

This is how bullies and criminals are made.
The child who pushed another off the trampoline has not been disciplined and it will continue and escalate.
He will never learn the difference between right and wrong.

At our school, there are a pair of boys who have bullied since reception (now Y6). It's been so long and they've been unchallenged by their parents (turning on the waterworks for teachers if challenged!) and now they are really big they are Unstoppable. Both turn 12 this autumn and I really feel that their issues have spiralled because they weren't tackled when younger. Now they are too cunning and sophisticated, not to mention physically imposing. If my ds sees them in the playground, he hides down the side of a building as do several other boys and girls!

Ywnbu. Also the injured boy would have felt so upset if noone had dealt with it like an adult and probably would have gone home in tears to his mum who quite rightly would have been furious at the lack of proper supervision. At least now he can tell his mum that the nice lady told the naughty boy off and took care of him.

I didn't think it would take long before someone piped up the old ' but you won't know if the child has SEN, do you have access to their record, the mother isn't going to tell you, it's private, he won't have an actual diagnosis because it takes so long and the parents don't realise it themselves yet blah blah blah'

Because on MN dc cannot possibly just be little brats because they have never been told the word no or stop before. There has to be a REASON beyond the dc and his parents control for them being a little brat. And of course this reason has to be kept totally quiet and secret and no one must know, ever.

Good on you OP! Now the little boy who was pushed knows there are good people out there who will watch out for those who are being treated badly.

Yanbu op. I don't think it would matter even if the child had SN- it's the mother here who was useless. Laughing about her child hurting and upsetting other children, encouraging him not to apologise...piss poor parenting. The kind my bil does to his son because he always wants then to be 'friends'

If parents refuse to parent then others have to step in especially when other peoples safety is at risk.

Disciplining someone else's kid never ends well, no matter how justified

YWNBU, but you will never win in those situations. The parent clearly didn't give two fucks about the crappy language and behaviour of her child. She didn't care if he hurt other children. She will defend her child's behaviour no matter what because it is easier than actually parenting them.

I honestly don't understand why some people have children.

Why do people always wheel out 'could have SN on these threads ? '

As a parent of children who do actually have SN I must say that we're actually a lot more on the ball. The amount of effort that goes into our children is unreal, they don't tend to run amok and cause havoc or impact on others because we're the ultimate helicopter parents and far more in tune with our children than is usual.

Of course within the SN community we DO have lazy arse parents just like some parents of NT children can be lazy. But this isn't because the child has SN, it's because they're lazy twats. The child having SN isn't relevant.

You were in the right OP.
And actually if the child did have SN it doesn't matter - his mum still should have stepped up and done something. Just because a child has SN it doesn't make it OK for them to behave poorly or injure someone. My children have SN. I watch them like hawks if they are in a situation where they may behave poorly and I step in before disaster strikes. If the worst happens and they behave poorly they are corrected, spologies are issued etc.

Asking him to apologise was out of order, because that family may have a different policy on apologies than you have. (That they should be sincere and not just for form's sake.)

But explaining to him why he shouldn't have done it and why it's dangerous etc., is perfectly reasonable.

The mum sounds like a twat. She should have been doing this, not leaving it to someone else.

If you have a child with SN that is prone to impulsive and sometimes inadvertently dangerous acts then you need to parent more proactively and intervene when things are at risk of going to far. And SN or not children have to learn to apologise when they have done the wrong thing or hurt someone.

I speak as the mum to a dd diagnosed with ASD and ADHD

BigEars I must have missed the post where somebody said the child wasn't to blame because of SN. I did see (myself included) pointing out to the OP the claiming they 'know' a child doesn't have SN is hogwash.

I'm wondering why you think children with SN and disabilities have no right to privacy. Maybe you could show us the way and have your family's medical recorded printed and stuck to the walls outside your child's school /your place of work.

SN wasn't the issue here. An ignorant parent was.

Thanks everyone . Don't think I'll be on that mum's good list. I kept calm but was fuming with her not the child.
Kids will do things they shouldn't but should be disciplined by their parents or at least corrected.
I myself have an older child with sn.... and I wouldn't let him behave this way. That mum knows this too, I'm just glad I'm not a teacher as I'd never cope with parents like this...I'd be out of a job I'd say !