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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:
user1471545174 · 25/06/2017 00:09

You don't seem to be seeing the point, OP.

RickOShay · 25/06/2017 00:11

What is going on here?
op LEAVE THE THREAD
they are all nuts

stolemyusername · 25/06/2017 00:12

Tell your silent boys to stop kicking balls over his fence and stay out of his garden.

Charlie97 · 25/06/2017 00:14

How long have you lived there?

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 25/06/2017 00:14

LEAVE THE THREAD
OP asked a question and she's getting opinions back. Granted, some are more aggressive then they need to be, but a lot of valid points. OP, have any been useful to see from this guys perspective as well?

Charlie97 · 25/06/2017 00:15

Ignore my last question!

bigmac4me · 25/06/2017 00:15

How long have you lived there?

Charlie97 thanks for the laugh!!!

I wonder how many footballs fit into a bin bag. Anyone want to go and check?

ArchieStar · 25/06/2017 00:28

You never mentioned the baby. Could he be paranoid that baby would be woken up by loud noise?

Notknownatthisaddress · 25/06/2017 00:30

The fact that the OP is refusing to answer the question 'why were your boys rooting in the neighbours bin bags?' speaks volumes. The neighbour is 100% in the right. The OP's boys ARE boisterous, and badly behaved, and are clearly distressing the poor neighbour, and the OP is completely in denial, saying 'my boys are well behaved and make no noise.' Yeah right.

Your neighbour has my utmost sympathy! Rowdy kids out til 11pm, booting footballs about over into his garden, rummaging in his private property, and a mother in complete denial and refusing to answer questions that challenge her claims.

I feel sorry for the poor neighbour. Hmm

PrincessPopsicle · 25/06/2017 00:56

I'm not getting the responses on this thread at all.

When a rogue football lands in your garden it is way more annoying for someone to come round and ask for it back than leave it for you to throw back in your own time, as the expectation is that you will go into the garden and throw it back straight away. The fact that the neighbour has a small baby would make someone ringing the doorbell even more inconvenient. OP's children aren't doing much wrong in leaving the neighbour to throw them back at his leisure, that he is actually squirrelling them away is pretty mean-spirited of him. Playing football in your own garden is completely acceptable behaviour. I wouldn't be too pleased to find my NDN's child in my garden but it's hardly the crime it's being painted as here.

The teenage outdoor gathering is a bit confusing really. NDN is telling OP he doesn't have an issue. OP has done the right thing in letting him know it's going to happen and has been there to monitor it. There's been no mention of music so assume it was all chatter. I am not a fan of late night garden noise but accept that people have a right to use their garden how they like (within reason). 9.30 def isn't late for chatting and 11pm is a reasonable cut off point at the weekend, but might feel a bit late in the week.

I really don't think the OP is being unreasonable.

ScissorBow · 25/06/2017 00:58

Have I entered a parallel universe?

Why is it OK to scream in children's faces and throw cans at them?

Why is it OK to tell lies to the OP about it not being a problem for things to happen (OP brought the kids in at 9.30pm but he said not to do it on his account) and then rage at the kids for doing what he told them was OK?

It's not OK to trespass into his garden but if I'd been waiting a year to get my football back I might just pop round and get it. If the previous arrangement was he'd throw them back no wonder they waited for him to do so then forgot what had happened to the last one. The neighbour says one thing to the OP then does another to the kids. Total mind screw.

He's a knob. Make sure you're the only one who has anything to do with him as it sounds like he's nice as pie to you but hates your kids (whether those reasons are justified or not I can't tell from what you've said on this thread)

PeanutButterBunny · 25/06/2017 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

73kittycat73 · 25/06/2017 01:19

PrincessPopsicle, I suffered at the hands of the little monster boy next door with his ball going in the garden. At first we said to go get it himself but it became ridiculous with the amount of times he came in, started sending his mates in, ect. At one point we had 8 kids in the garden. We then thought we would ask them to knock, hopefully putting them off. No chance, at the hight of the harassment he knocked 8 times in ten minutes. He was a nussance in many other ways and we had to get the council and police involved at the end. It may seem like the OP's neighbor is being harsh not sending the ball back but if it's happening half as frequently as it did to us, I totally understand him keeping the balls.

PrincessPopsicle · 25/06/2017 01:32

73Kitty if he's not returning the balls that come over the fence, then the OP's situation is very different to yours - no. of balls in the bags presumably = no. of times the ball has landed in his garden in 2.5 years. Your situation sounds intensely annoying but most kids playing football actually manage to do so without inconveniencing their neighbour to that extent.

kali110 · 25/06/2017 01:33

*I don't know why and how they decided to look in the bag.
I think maybe they were slightly open?

They weren't in his wheelie bin, they weren't searching through his rubbish.*
Seriously?? If people were in my garden uninvited going through my stuff i'd call the police!
Why were they doing that? You're ok with it??

kali110 · 25/06/2017 01:34

Just maybe your children aren't as quiet as you think.
If he's had that many balls in his garden in a year then no wonder he's pissed Confused
I'd be livid

NowtAbout · 25/06/2017 01:37

The capitalised ELEVEN had me in stitches. Have I entered a parallel universe where teenagers have parties that end before midnight. At 15 we were up all night. Admittedly not in gardens til dawn but the pearl clutching is hilarious. Don't people have parties near you ? Our neighbours often are out late, they turn down the music at 12.

NowtAbout · 25/06/2017 01:37

Why would you be livid about a few sodding balls. We just chuck them back.

NowtAbout · 25/06/2017 01:39

Call the police 😂 Jesus where do you live that they would give a toss about that.

noitsnotme · 25/06/2017 01:46

Jeez. You'd fit, what, 6 balls in a bin bag? So 12 balls over 2.5 years, is a ball coming in maybe every third month? I think I could find the time to chuck them back over without getting my arse in a fankle.

PerspicaciaTick · 25/06/2017 02:06

The solution to chucking balls over the wall isn't to buy new balls. It is to send the DCs around to knock and ask nicely for the balls to be returned (even though they don't want to ask) until they get the message and improve their ball skills.

JustDontGetItAtAll · 25/06/2017 02:19

Sobeyond Yes she did! SP stands for single parent!!!

Theycalledmethewildrose · 25/06/2017 03:16

noitsnotme

If six balls fit in a bag and there were two bags so twelve balls - that means one ball a month as the OP said they stopped going in to retrieve them a year ago.

I'm baffled as to who is paying for all these footballs and not questioning where the old ones have gone.

I'd say the neighbour was originally polite. Surely it is obvious he is at the end of his tether and is it any wonder with kids going into his garden uninvited and making noise after his baby's bedtime.

I think this thread is a wind up.

PenelopeFlintstone · 25/06/2017 03:47

I don't think it's a windup. I can't believe all the uptight neighbours on this thread! I'd much rather a neighbour jumped the fence to get a ball than rang the doorbell every time!
And if we have an outdoor party, we turn the music down at about 11 or 12. We live in a place where density is about 1 house where 8 terraces would normally fill, so the neighbours would definitely hear my DH's very loud music but it's not right under their windows.
I hope my neighbours feel they're allowed to have the odd party too.

NeitherKilnerNorMason · 25/06/2017 05:42

I don't have an issue with the party outside until 11pm if it happens infrequently.

The ball kicking in the garden however, must be really annoying for your neighbour. It is really unpleasant to hear kids kicking a football against the floor, a wall, a fence. If that many balls have gone over the fence, then your kids must be playing a hell of a lot of football in the garden. Thy are old enough to go to the park to do that but they don't seem to care about being considerate, and it sounds like you're enabling them.

The swearing from your neighbour is obviously not acceptable but I wonder if he's at his wits end.

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