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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:
sparechange · 25/06/2017 08:56

I wonder how many times the neighbour kicked the footballs back before he got fed up and started keeping them.

How often was he hit on the head by a ball, had his pots knocked over, plants flattened, fence damaged

If your kids are kicking footballs over the fence several times a week, it clearly means the garden is not a suitable place to play football!

It doesn't mean 'keep buying more and more footballs and pissing the neighbour off even more'

And he has got the manners to apologise for his baby potentially disturbing you, but you don't think he doesn't want to hear shrieking teenagers until late at night, and need to worry about his baby being woken?

Wtf is wrong with some people?
You sound like the wanker neighbours, not him

eddielizzard · 25/06/2017 09:02

my old neighbour thought his kid was a saint.

his kid used to invite his school friends over after school for a party. they'd drink in the garden and throw the beer bottles and cans into my garden, wee over the fence onto my plants, sit in their souped up car outside revving the engine and playing really loud music while swigging the beer back. generally be unpleasant. i had little kids so we couldn't go out into the garden, this would always be on sunny days of course.

they'd do this from 4pm until 6.30pm when his dad was due home and then suddenly vamoose.

neighbour thought we were lying troublemakers and what's wrong with having a couple of friends round?

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 09:03

Do you not teach your child that if they kick a ball over the fence they have to go and knock and politely ask for it back? My back garden is surrounded by gardens of neighbours all with kids. If I found a ball in my garden I wouldn't throw it back because I wouldn't know where to throw it back too. I too ended up with a bag full of footballs from neighbouring kids. I got fed up of them coming over and breaking all my plantpots, so I gave the bag of balls away.

NotYoda · 25/06/2017 09:05

I have two teen boys. They have loud booming voices. If you are not there, you have no idea how much of a disturbance they are causing .And if they were kicking balls over fences regularly I'd send them out where they could play a more satisfying game of football

The man should not shout and swear

RickOShay · 25/06/2017 09:07

I think I am going to report this thread. I should have done last night. How do you all think the op is feeling this morning? Just think about that for minute.

NotYoda · 25/06/2017 09:08

And yes, it's bloody obvious he shouts when you are not there because they are noisy when you are not there.

deblet · 25/06/2017 09:09

After about the age of 8 or 9 kids should go to the park to play football because it is annoying for neighbours. There is a reason football pitches are so big , it's because you kick the ball hard and you need the space.If my neighbours teens were making a noise in the later part of the evening I would be annoyed I go to bed at 9.30 asleep by 10. When we had an unreasonable neighbour with balls flying over I gave them to the dog who punctured them, my kids never annoyed anybody else because they were brought up properly so why should someone's else's kids annoy me? OP you do sound like an entitled neighbour, one who thinks her children can do what they like. Send your boys to the park, they are old enough to go and stop being unreasonable.

NotYoda · 25/06/2017 09:10

Rick

Hopefully she's feeling like she needs to reconsider her assumptions about what's going on

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 09:12

I think the point of having to go and knock on your neighbors door and apologise for kicking a ball over, is that, kids don't like doing that...so they make sure they don't do it again. Kicking several over and never going round to say sorry, but expecting that neighbour to kick them back, is appalling. If you teach your kids that, they will just keep doing it.

NotYoda · 25/06/2017 09:12

Mumzy

Yes. I agree with that.

sparechange · 25/06/2017 09:14

rick

On what grounds? Confused
OP asks if the neighbour is BU and 'a wanker', is told no, but she is and here are the very reasonable reasons why, OP makes a half hearted attempt to jurify herself and then disappears.

If you think that's grounds for reporting threads, you must be kept hella busy on AIBU...

MaisyPops · 25/06/2017 09:15

rick
Hopefully she's managed to work out that teenagers are a hell of a lot more rowdy when unsupervised so saying "they're so quiet and he only tells them off when I'm not around" is hardly rocket science.

The OP probably wanted a "yes he's a nasty neighbour" thread and what they've actually got on balance is:

  • neighbour shouldn't have thrown a can at them
  • neighbour shouldn't have sworn at them
  • but equally your kids don't sound quiet at all
  • that many balls going over is a problem
  • maybe your kids shouldn't be making so much noise, especially when he's got a young baby. That's what parks are for.
EwanWhosearmy · 25/06/2017 09:16

We used to have neighbours whose son kicked balls into our garden. As someone else said he once came and knocked for them about 6 times in the space of a few minutes. In the end we told him to go away and that if any more came over we'd keep them. I think he did try once coming over the fence to get them..

Footballs damage plants and anything else in someone's garden, not to mention the potential of breaking greenhouse windows. The average garden is not big enough for teenage boys to be playing football in. That's what parks are for.

We later had another neighbour whose son kicked balls against the fence. The constant thud rattle, thud rattle, thud rattle is enough to drive you demented.

m0therofdragons · 25/06/2017 09:16

I've lived here 10 years and my dc have got the ball in the neighbour's garden twice in that time. Two bags full in less than two years is outrageous surely? No wonder he's grumpy.

NormaSmuff · 25/06/2017 09:17

I agree op, he is not a very nice neighbour.
why dont you ask him for the football's back?
i bet if you go round there he wil let you have the balls? as he likes to pretend he is nice, to you.

Boopboopboop · 25/06/2017 09:17

I'm with you rick. Someone called her kids little shits ffs!

VintagePerfumista · 25/06/2017 09:18

She's probably starting another AIBU about how her neighbour is being inconsiderate mowing his lawn at 9am when her lads are still in bed.

NormaSmuff · 25/06/2017 09:19

my neighbour's toddler was throwing stones over the fence onto our garden while the adults sat and laughed. I had to climb on a chair and ask him not to as I had a rabbit in the garden who might get hit.
some people are just stupid and inconsiderate

RickOShay · 25/06/2017 09:22

Thanks to the posters who have supported the op.

WonderLime · 25/06/2017 09:23

Thanks to the posters who have supported the op.

Told her what she wants to hear or actually given her valuable feedback?

Livelovebehappy · 25/06/2017 09:23

We're only hearing a bit of what's going on here. These are just a handful of incidences, but I'll bet there are many more. Kids shouldn't be playing football in small enclosed spaces. Take them to a park or sign them up to a local junior football club. Maybe your ndn doesn't feel able to confront you about the situation, as in my experience, parents that allow their DCs to behave inconsiderately will be very intimidating and confrontational when their behaviour is challenged. You might be happy to throw a ball back every few days, or be happy to have people intrude onto your property whenever they want to, but other people aren't, so you shouldnt disrespect their boundaries just because they're different from yours.

halfgirlhalfturnip · 25/06/2017 09:24

no idea why this thread is so anti OP. Neighbour sounds unbalanced and OP considerate to me.

RainbowPastel · 25/06/2017 09:27

I am not surprised he is annoyed at having two bin bags full of balls thrown over. Your son had no right to enter his garden. Your problem is your child not your neighbour.

JeffVadersMum · 25/06/2017 09:28

but they would be finished by 11 depends what day of the week this is, my DC start going to bed between 8-9 on a weekday, (inc sunday) so this would be very late and they go around 10 on a weekend, but 11 is too late in a built up area

VintagePerfumista · 25/06/2017 09:31

The neighbour has a baby. Who is presumably being disturbed by the noise from 2 teenagers (and their friends)

It seems reasonable to assume that the party in the garden which led to the can being thrown (back?) over, was the last straw.

"Thanks to those who supported the OP" Wtf? Do OP's have spokespeople now?