Or is my neighbour a wanker?

[squirreltrap]

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

I meant partners of other ethnicities.

It is because the man is capable of displays of incandescent rage that the OP believes he is controlling. He clearly has a lot of anger, including the cold kind that results in the keeping of two bin bags of balls.

As I said earlier. I have a neighbour like this. He's never been violent or shown he's intimidating, just lost his temper once and yelled at the NDNs DCs when the football went over the driveway fence for the 20th time one day and nearly smashed his car window. He's a taxi driver and that car is his living. He doesn't sound unjustifiably angry, he sounds at the end of his tether.

She is also concerned that the woman appears to be indoors all the time, and isolated.

Why does this insinuate she's being abused? She may just be an introvert. I'm indoors all the time and have my curtains drawn. I opened my curtains one day last week to let some fresh air in and kept being greeted by the neighbours kid popping into my garden and looking through the window for DS. two neighbours on the cul de sac behind us always gave their curtains closed and you rarely see them but that's because they both work nights.

The OP has unfortunately weaken any sympathy she may had from me by bringing up ethnicity in her posts. What anyone's colour, ethnicity, ability to speak English has to do with her sons and their footballs is beyond me.

Burnett You've got it wrong.

OP has always been really clear about how long the neighbour has been there. Read the thread.

OP, I think the only way this can be resolved is by going over there and speaking to him/them about what's happened. Apologise on behalf of your boy and say you'll make sure they knock on when you're home at an appropriate time to get any balls back in the future (if he only shouts when you're not there he won't shout at them for going back) I don't think you're a neighbour from hell. I don't think your kids are little shits either.

You also need to tell him that if there's an issue with either of your boys to tell you about it. Not throw cans at them or tell in their faces, if the can had hit one it could be classed as assault on a minor.

You know your boys aren't perfect. Tell them that too and emphasise that you need to muck in together as neighbours to ensure everything runs smoothly. Does he have any specific reasonable requests to make life easier (my guess is he'll say come between this time and this time to get the balls). The only way this will be resolved though is by going over and talking!!

I know it's "normal" to get slated on YANBU, I'd never post anything here, skin not thick enough, but this one is just way too full of uptight martyrs? Or maybe it's that I barely read AIBU...
And what if the NDN's wife is at least isolated, if not abused? If she actually cannot speak English and is never out of the house she might well be?
I actually don't get it when people say it's normal not to go outside and have curtains always shut, surely it's not normal to live in the dark/only under artificial lighting?

Sutely the neighbour's wife should at least take baby out in the sunshine to get some vitamin D?

OP, set up a secret phone or some device with a microphone to record all the sounds in the garden for when you are out and your kids are in, to get an idea about actual noise levels?

AwaywiththePixies27
Yes! I rarely leave the house if i don't have too, my dh must be isolating me too

Well just be careful you don't start acquiring two bags of balls then kali10.

Your neighbours will start to get concerned about you.He's totally isolating you and you need to LTB

Thankfully the neighbours next doors are great
Though maybe they're scared of my dh ( joke)

Why are your kids being left alone is the next question...

"Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours."

You are constantly bothering your neighbour and invading their space. Constantly.

No wonder they are irritated.

"AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?"

Why are you entitled to someone else joining in and cleaning up after your family like it's all a jolly jape for them? Perhaps it isn't. Perhaps other people have their own stuff to deal with in life rather than running around after you?

"today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football"

Oh well then, the issue is obviously what he found there isn't it.... ?!

Why doesn't DS12 knock on the door, apologize, and ask politely rather than just invading other people's property and snooping around as if it's just fine to do that?

More importantly, why don't they know from you to do this, and why aren't you concerned when they tell you they didn't? Is this how they've been behaving generally?

Why doesn't your life stop at your fence, and why doesn't the inevitable ball over the fence now and then result in normal considerate behaviour?

If you're just rude and inconsiderate to your neighbours, then on the occasion you have your teenagers out partying in the garden at 9pm, you probably can't expect people to have the attitude that "oh well, everyone's entitled to a party now and again", as most of us will feel if NDN is unobtrusive and neighbourly.

Honestly what you describe sounds a bit like you're all cruising for an ASBO. YABU.

Smurf- the children are teenagers, I don't think them being left alone is the problem.

This thread is hilarious. Cruising for an ASBO because he went to collect a ball without asking once?

Just because this is AIBU doesn't mean you have to be a dick.

deffoncforthis

What's with the melodrama? Cruising for an asbo?!

whatsthecomingoverthehill
If i found someone in my garden going through my stuff id call the police. I dont care of it's once ( and i don't think it was just this once)

I can just imagine the call Kali:

"Hello, what is the emergency?"
"There's someone in my garden!"
"Are you in any danger?"
"No, they're getting a football."
"Ummm, ok, so do you know who it is?"
"Yes, it's the teenager from next door"
tries to stifle giggles

Actually it would be there's a weirdo in my garden going through my stuff

Except it wasn't his stuff. It was footballs that weren't his that he'd kept. And it isn't some random person, it's the next door neighbours kid. The hyperbolic reactions to this thread, even allowing for AIBU, are ridiculous.

If you send a football over into my garden, its my football now.

And that would be theft.

Now who sounds ridiculous, whatsthe?

I can just imagine the call whatsthe:

"Hello, what is the emergency?"
"I need to report a theft!"
"What's been stolen?"
"A football!"
"Ummm, ok, do you know who took it?"
"Yes, it's my neighbour. I kicked it into his garden."
tries to stifle giggles

Madness.

If your child kicks a ball into someone else's garden do yourself and everyone else a favour and have them ask before they go and get it. Basic normal manners tbh.

Even if you blatantly don't care about trespassing on someone else's property and rooting through their things (including bins? Dear me), and don't care about simply respecting other people's boundaries, it is still wise from a health and safety perspective.