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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:36

Highalert....what if it's more than one? Say ten? And they have made a hell of a mess of your garden? You may think differently then.

RainbowBriteRules · 25/06/2017 19:39

I know the question wasn't to me but if there were 10 balls in my garden then I would throw the 10 back or keep them until the kids came to call for them if I didn't know where they had come from. No hardship.

If they had damaged the garden... well I can't claim to know what I would think but can see I might be annoyed. Still normal life I would think though but as I say I can't be sure I wouldn't be annoyed.

VintagePerfumista · 25/06/2017 19:40

Rainbow- MN is not strict about neighbours. It's strict about neighbours who use MN.

As I said upthread, there was a batshit thread earlier in the week where an OP was complaining about the door in her communal building being opened and closed and she was told she wasn't BU and to go and tell people off and to close the door differently. because a MN baby Must Not Be Wakened Ever.

Yet here we have a neighbour with a baby but they're not the MNers so they're the ones being U.

spiney · 25/06/2017 19:41

10 is loads Mumz. Is that a regular occurrence?

And it's a shame that your pot was broken. I would have expected my kids to have apologised if that had happened ( and offered to replace)

RainbowBriteRules · 25/06/2017 19:41

RhiWrites · 25/06/2017 19:43

I'd rather live near OP than the poster who said she'd go round and scream at anyone in their garden after 9pm because she has s baby.

I get the odd ball coming over, just chuck them back. My neighbours are very noisy, shouting and playing music. I'd rather have them than the nasty woman who lived there before and screamed abuse at me for sitting in my garden playing cards at 8pm.

Some of you don't understand that living in terraced housing in towns means noise. Those of you dog piling on the OP have not covered yourself in glory.

Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:43

It's the neighbour with the teenager who is being unreasonable according to MN. The neighbour with the baby is getting all the support.

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:44

Rainbow....so you said you would keep them until the kids came to knock for them....that's what I did. They never came. I suspected where they came from, but my garden is surrounded by gardens with kids, so I couldn't be sure. I suspect the ops neighbours simply got fed up with balls coming over and bagged them up....perhaps innocently waiting for them to come and ask for them. One the ops kids realised the neighbours werent throwing them back....why would they keep kicking them over? Did they not learn?

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:53

Spiney..it was fairly regular yes....I threw them back initially if it was obvious which house they were from..(ie if they were down the alley between us and the house next door), but that day when there were ten and the broken pot, I could have cried...I really thought they were taking the Mick.....however it stopped after I bagged then up...they never did it again.

RainbowBriteRules · 25/06/2017 19:55

Mumzy, fair point. I suppose people have to be reasonable on both sides and if nobody ever came to call for the balls I would need to think again. To me it doesn't read as if the neighbour is just innocently keeping them though.

It's possible of course that OP's teenagers are not being entirely reasonable. When I only had a 6 month old DC I had totally unrealistic ideas of older children though.

spiney · 25/06/2017 20:05

Glad it resolved itself for you Mumz.

kali110 · 25/06/2017 20:28

I don't care if you're a lp, aNd i don't think you're kids are thugs ( who has even said that?)
But if the neighbour has blocked the hole does that not tell you something?
Your son went through his stuff!
This is not ok! He could have called the police! I would have!

mathanxiety · 25/06/2017 21:27

It wasn't the neighbour's stuff that the boy went through. The balls belonged to the boy.

mathanxiety · 25/06/2017 21:31

Mumzy Occasionally might be one a year....two bags full is a problem

Once a year is 'almost never'.
'Occasionally' is once every 4-6 weeks, which gives you two big bin bags in 2.5 years.

mathanxiety · 25/06/2017 21:35

SquirrelTrap I would go around to your neighbour if there are any more rage episodes that you witness, and ask him to explain to you what the problem is. Don't go without getting an answer from him.

(I would be concerned about how life is next door for this man's wife too.)

Original poster

squirreltrap · 25/06/2017 22:04

Thanks Maths

I do worry I'm in the midst of a really abusive man. His behaviour towards me and my kids seems the tip of the iceberg

OP posts:

TDHManchester · 25/06/2017 23:08

If one asks for advice on a forum then the chances are that the majority view of the responders is close to or actually correct.

windy2909 · 25/06/2017 23:34

Oh my! I am quite disgusted by the abuse directed by the poster in many of the replies! I have a neighbour with two young boys next door, who in summer months, play football in their garden and end up hitting it over the fence. It took me almost 2 years to build an understanding with them that I really didn't mind them entering my garden to retrieve their ball. The now do this often, several times of an evening as far as I'm aware....or if I'm in garden I throw it over for them. No hardship. Let kids be kids. Would u rather their were playing on iPads, watching to, or roaming the streets? Come on!

ManyManyShoes · 25/06/2017 23:51

I don't understand why just because his wife is East Asian you assume he's controlling . Racist stereotypes, OP?

I am East Asian and I definitely wear the pants in the family, and my curtain is always drawn because that's how I like it.

kali110 · 26/06/2017 00:01

windy2909
You maybe ok with people entering your garden but other are not.
I certainly wouldn't be.

mathanxiety · 26/06/2017 04:49

'Just because the wife is East Asian' is n ot the reason that the OP wonders about abuse.

It is because the man is capable of displays of incandescent rage that the OP believes he is controlling. He clearly has a lot of anger, including the cold kind that results in the keeping of two bin bags of balls.

She is also concerned that the woman appears to be indoors all the time, and isolated.

Burnett · 26/06/2017 05:26

You said it was a new neighbour now it is a year plus? You sound like a nightmare. Stop buying them
footballs??

MaisyPops · 26/06/2017 06:32

Sounds like the OP is creating her own story about what this life must be like that suits her own agenda. The Asian wife and suddenly him being abusive are just part of creating a new story designed to get us to change our mind about their DC noise levels.

Most of our neighbours keep themselves to themselves (us incldued). Doesn't mean I go around inventing stories about what their lives might be like. His wives ethnicity also has nothing to do with this. Unless you're trying to imply that (forgive the expression) she is some mail order bride.

MaisyPops · 26/06/2017 06:33

*wife's

ManyManyShoes · 26/06/2017 07:17

I keep myself to myself. And are other ethnicities incapable of displaying of incandescent rage? Your logic is flawed, mathanxiety
As Maisy said, OP is clearly trying to create a story to justify her son's behaviour.

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