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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour a wanker?

358 replies

squirreltrap · 24/06/2017 23:26

I hate not getting on with my neighbours...I like to have them there as support but I've got an ishoo with my newish neighbour and AIBU?

So, there have been a few things...shouting at the kids for being noisy, and when I say shouting I mean shouting and always when I'm not there. I'm a SP if that makes any difference. He does this when I'm not there.

DS15 had some friends over a few weeks ago and they were in the garden and I saw him come up over the wall with a face of rage and he threw a can at them telling them to "shut the fuck up". I had warned him that the gathering was happening but they would be finished by 11 because I know he's noise sensitive. And I moved them inside (9.30) and he must have heard me do this so came knocking saying very nicely "don't move them because of me...don't want to ruin the party". But I'd seen him pop over the wall incandescent with rage so it didn't quite add up

Then today, DS12 went into his garden via a gap in the fence to get his football and found TWO BIN BAGS of footballs that were all ours.
The wall I talk about is something he built as soon as he moved in and had previously complained about DS12 kicking the ball against it and we took it and never did it since.

AIBU thinking what sort of wanker bags up footballs rather than just throw them back?
We live in a semi, you just have to deal with neighbours? It may sound like we are nightmares but the reality is the ds's play football in the garden once a week max, and that's discounting winter and rain, the ball goes over maybe once a month and so he's been storing these for over a year.

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:04

Squirrel trap.....,".rtft" ..that's not very nice is it.

I had read the thread...you said he said early days it was ok for them to retrieve their ball...then he filled up the gap in the fence. Is that not an indicator to you that he is no longer happy for them to retrieve their balls?

If they are really scared of him shouting at then, and they are too scared to go and ask for their ball back, then surely common sense tells them to stop kicking balls over. honestly two bags of balls us excessive.

WonderLime · 25/06/2017 19:05

OP - I'm still wondering about this can he threw in your garden. Was it from your DS's party?

And why does the shouting only occur when you aren't there - presumably either your DSs are a lot louder than you think or they might be exaggerating?

Finally, your DSs are too afraid to go round and ask for the ball because he shouts, but have no problem trespassing on his property? Hmm

VintagePerfumista · 25/06/2017 19:07

I think, and tbf, you are actually coming across as more reasonable than one (or is it two Wink) of your fans on this thread.

What has riled people is your blind belief that your teenage sons are not responsible in any way for maybe, just maybe, fucking your neighbours (and their baby) off.

Had this thread been a reverse- with an OP who complained about her neighbour's teenage sons kicking balls into her garden, coming into her garden, and having loud parties in their garden - and all when she, our putative MNer, has a new baby- the same people going rogue commando on your behalf on this one would be telling that OP to react in the same way they're telling you to react now.

You don't need supporters like the ones on this thread- you do actually need to listen to the reasonable YABU responses. it's NOT on for older teenagers to disturb the neighbours. End of. And I think you know it. You also can't know 100% that your sons are telling you the truth- in your own words, these things happen when you're out. Well, as the mother of teens, and the teacher of teens, no shit Sherlock- we all know what teens (even geeky ones) do when their mums are out.

Original poster
squirreltrap · 25/06/2017 19:07

"Going over an 8ft wall"

It's just a thing that happens OCCASIONALLY. We still live in close proximity. We are neighbours. I dunno, I guess I'm from the side that appreciates we are all at different places....and we all muck in to get by.

If they were breaking stuff and constantly in his garden, I would understand your response. But even david beckham might occasionally miss and the ball goes awry. Is it such a crime?

OP posts:
Original poster
squirreltrap · 25/06/2017 19:12

Vintage - I hear you

When I saw his rage about them in the garden I brought them in. They all came in. No more noise.
I don't thing my ds are perfect, honestly I don't.

I think where I'm at an amiss is a football once a month is such a chore.
And the two faced-ness is not something I'm dealing with well...if he said to me there are too many footballs, I'd deal with it, but nice as pie meanwhile shouting at the kids.

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:14

Occasionally....is not the same as two bags full. Occasionally might be one a year....two bags full is a problem. Just re read your starting post. You said you like neighbours for their support (or something to that effect)....sounds a bit one way?

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:15

You still haven't answered....is there a bit of you that thinks trespassing is wrong?

HaylJay · 25/06/2017 19:16

Living around neighbours you can't expect silence.. I have neighbours in a detached house with about 4 kids. They make a lot of noise and constantly kick footballs into a garden, I've never been bothered by them going into my garden to get balls back - I'd rather they didn't knock on my door every single time..
The thing that does annoy me sometimes is how they play loud drum kits and guitars when my DS is trying to nap but they don't usually do it after 6pm so I can't really say anything

They did once plug in their guitars and play before 8am

It's hard to know where the line should be drawn because neighbours should respect each other but at this same time we should be able to do whatever we want in our home within reason.

I totally think the guy is rude swearing at you or your guests. You have every right to enjoy your garden with your guests.
If he had a problem with the noise he could have approached it differently but if your not making noise late into the night I don't really see what you were doing wrong...

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:17

Trespassing is against the law I think. If my son said to me "mum, I went in his garden and found two bags of my balls"...the first thing I would say is "oh my god, what on earth were you doing going into his backgarden!"....did you say that at all?

Original poster
squirreltrap · 25/06/2017 19:18

Mumzypopz - it's mixed messages

"Go in garden and get them"

Block up gap

Hoard balls and not throw them back

OP posts:
Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:18

It's quite reasonable for your teenage son to use his own garden. oh and just because I think that the baying mob of AIBU are out for blood it doesn't make me a fan of the OP.

Original poster
squirreltrap · 25/06/2017 19:19

All the while saying nothing to me directly

OP posts:
Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:20

The NDN said 'go into the garden and get them' So he did.

Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:21

Well he wouldn't would he. Teenage boys are fair game to be yelled at.

AudacityJones · 25/06/2017 19:22

Wow! My neighbour's 4 year old is constantly throwing his balls over the fence (by mistake... he's 4 and a bad shot but improving). I've asked him not to climb over because he was leaving footprints over my cushions and inadvertently messing up things in my garden but most mornings if I notice a ball I collect them all in the morning and chuck them back. FGS your neighbour sounds like a tool!

WonderLime · 25/06/2017 19:22

The NDN said 'go into the garden and get them' So he did.

I'm going to take a while guess and say he said that when it was the first or second ball - he's since boarded up as TWO BAGS worth of balls have ended up in his garden.

WonderLime · 25/06/2017 19:22

Wild guess*

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:23

He blocked up the gap.....do you not think that means he is no longer happy for them to go and get them?

I too hoarded balls that my neighbours kid kicked over. One of them broke a plant pot. They never came and apologised and asked for them back....so I kept them....he never came for them, so eventually I gave them away. Sound familiar?

Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:26

Sounds mean. Not familiar.

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:26

There seems to be two schools of thought re the procedure for getting balls back. I was always taught that we had to go and apologise, and ask very nicely to get it back. Each time. Others seem to think it's the done thing to wait for the neighbours to throw it back. What if they don't know where it came from?

RickOShay · 25/06/2017 19:27

Well quite, High.
I don't understand that particular parry.

spiney · 25/06/2017 19:27

I genuinely don't get the problem with throwing footballs back. Genuinely. It's part of the give and take of life. And footballs are generally kicked by kids ... And as for teenagers. I' d prefer any teenager kicking a football for a change rather than on their bloody screens.

Returning a football a month? A lot? Really? No I don't think so. I do many more than that and It doesn't piss me off. I have better things to piss me off.

My kids have had many balls thrown back for them over the years. From different neighbours in different houses. I'm mortified to think we were pissing them off so badly as some on here profess to be. But really I don't think we were.

It takes all types though.

Mumzypopz · 25/06/2017 19:29

Is it not mean for them to keep kick them over in the first place? Is it not mean for them to not come and apologise for breaking the pot. I came home to ten balls in my garden that day. In one day...ten balls...

Highalert · 25/06/2017 19:30

If I go into my garden and there is a ball there. I just chuck it back. No drama.It's not a hardship really.

RainbowBriteRules · 25/06/2017 19:32

Mumsnet is so strict about neighbours! It seems you should never hear noise from another house, ever, children should not play in their own gardens, babies must never be heard and god forbid you sit out in your garden at night. We have a teenager next door, they often have friends over, sometimes they are loud and drinking. It's not as if they are having an all night rave so I would never complain. I just think they are lucky to have that teenage freedom!

I have youngish children and do remember having their sleep / naps disturbed by older children outside - it is part of life and I accepted it Confused.

OP, realistically I think you need to find out exactly how your DC are behaving when you are not there. However, you will never win with people who get stroppy over kids playing ball in the garden.

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