To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

@Writermom22 do you find car restoration programs triggering? Do they remind you of painful/traumatic experiences?

I like documentaries about surgery. dh really really doesn't. If we are sitting together and I'm flicking through channels I wouldn't pick something with surgery going on because I'd know he'd be bothered by it. Easy enough to watch some other time surely? I find surgery fascinating, but I love dh and don't want to distress him.

Likewise when he wanted to watch Kill Bill I said (after a while) that it wasn't my cup of tea and he was fine when I went off to do something else. He then watched Vol 2 when I was busy. Just basic consideration really. I hope the OP's dh has apologised for being arsy and they are friends again.

You found this storyline unacceptable and yet you put it on the thread in gory detail - which I read and now have that awful image in my head. Thanks a bunch! Think before you post, for all our sakes.

Why do our other halves always have to be sensitive to our wants?

Fair point normally but it's in their bedroom just before they are going to sleep so if it were me I would deem it unreasonable to be expected to get up and go and sleep elsewhere.

Kill Bill is on this Friday on Watch, for anyone who wants to watch it from the start and form their own judgement about it..

@Rebelrouge. The op's past was not mentioned in the original post. A rather important part, don't you think????

And I'm not reading through 14 pages of posts to find that out.

Cot death used to be a trigger for me, my hubs would change the channel whenever it came on until I told him to stop. I'm not going to let something I can't change, ruin my life or run my husband's life.

Fair point, @butterymuffin, then tell him to hit the record button. No need for the op to have a hissy fit which causes an argument in bed.

Negotiating what program to watch in your shared bedroom on your shared TV is hardly ruining your OHs life.

The OP actually said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?". That doesn't seem like a hissy fit to me, it sounds completely reasonable. He responded "No, for fucks sake". Nice.

You found this storyline unacceptable and yet you put it on the thread in gory detail - which I read and now have that awful image in my head. Thanks a bunch! Think before you post, for all our sakes.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. You were the victim of abuse, and you reacted to a scene of abuse with unsurprisingly strong feelings. Even though I LOVE QT and Kill Bill and will defend the feminist credentials of the movie to the hilt, I wouldn't expect anyone who wasn't comfortable with onscreen violence to watch it, let alone someone who could be triggered by a theme of rape. Your DH should have been WAY more sensitive. I'm sorry this happened to you.

That scene in particular is a pile o sh1te.

When my husband indulges in this I always tell him he can marry a big hairy lorry driver if he wants to spend the rest of his life with a brute - there are compromises that come with choosing to live with the opposite sex and one of them is that we tend not to enjoy violent rape scenes.

Deal with it.

Kimmy I think you can see from this thread that there are plenty of women who enjoyed watching Kill Bill, so please stop with the sexism

I don't get people that don't "have time " to read the full thread. In this case all the info was in the first 21 posts anyways,not that much a hardship.
Or just read OP's post,which is fairly easy to do.
Giving a twattish reply and then defend it with "oh I didn't know that" just makes you look as a .. well.. twat.

Has the OP confirmed that her partner knows about the abuse in her past? Not everyone discloses that kind of past event so if he wasn't aware then he wasn't being deliberately insensitive.

I once told a long-term partner about being raped and I really wished I hadn't. His whole attitude changed and I suddenly became this china doll he had to protect (aka smother) and, quite frankly, it was the beginning of the end for us.

You'd find it very hard to avoid all references to rape in film, tv and literature in case you get triggered. Hollyoaks, for example, has featured both male and (multiple) female rapes - in fact pretty much every soap has had a rape storyline at some point. Two of my favourite books are To Kill a Mockingbird and Of Mice and Men both of which have rape allegations in them (admittedly unfounded). If I was triggered by every mention of rape I'd be scared to pick up a book or switch the TV on.

Perhaps it was the specifics of this scene that triggered the OP (a female lying asleep in bed?) rather than reference to rape per se. If so, and her partner knows about what happened, then I can see why she got so upset.

I can't believe some of the replies here. I am a survivor of both child sexual abuse and rape in my adult life and any scene like that coming on without warning would be massively upsetting to me. YWNBU at all OP. If your husband knows about your past he needs to check himself and be more understanding. So do a lot of people on this thread

@TheFatOfTheLand yep that's my experience as well. And I totally agree with your points

Get over yourself Hannah. I'm also a 'survivor' of sexual abuse and rape and I don't use that to make pointed digs at other people who perhaps haven't. The film is cathartic to me in a way, I accept that it isn't for every other woman. We don't all have to fit into your idea of what we should think and feel.

Where did I say that all survivors have to fit into my idea of what to think and feel? I said that it's very common for survivors of sexual violence to be triggered by depictions of it in films and television. Lots of people on this thread are saying the OP is unreasonable for being upset by the film. She is not. You mighy find it cathartic but not all survivors do. Perhaps you need to have some respect for people who recover differently to you

You're the one who 'can't believe some of the replies here', blethering on about people needing more understanding. Who the hell are you to question what other people feel and how they should think?

OP isn't unreasonable to feel the way that she does and nobody has said otherwise. It's not me who's being judgemental, it's you.

Hannah there are warnings before anything of a disturbing nature comes on the TV. It's not anyone's fault that they missed the beginning but it is your responsibility as an adult to inform yourself beforehand if you get upset by certain stuff.
I have seen NO ONE saying the OP was unreasonable for being upset by this clip from Kill Bill.

All those saying the OP is unreasonable, can I ask if you treat your dh the same way?

If your dh had been raped in the past and you knew he found scenes of male rape upsetting, would really be angry at him? If you're both in bed for the evening and as you're flicking through a scene of male rape/attempted male rape appears on screen, your husband asks if it could please be turned over, would you really be pissed off with him, expect him either stay there and watch a am,e rape then sleep, or leave the room while you watch and then return to his Own Bed?

Truthfully, I'd turn it over, no film is worth more to me than my husband feeling secure in his own home and bed.

Plenty of people have said she was being unreasonable for being upset by the scene. That's what I can't believe.

No they haven't. People have been defending the film, including me. But that's down to further posters comments about it and also some misunderstanding from people (who haven't watched it) taking this one scene out of context and trying to insinuate that people who like the film are somehow lacking in empathy or compassion which is quite frankly, utter bollocks.
Have you actually seen it Hannah ?

Yes I have seen the film. I knew the scene was coming so I was able to prepare myself. If it had come out of nowhere and out of context it would have affected me. and ifsomeone had made me feel bad about reacting badly to it that would be even worse. There are people here who said the op was being unreasonable for asking her DH to turn it off then leaving the room when he refused. Those are the people I'm referring to.

any scene like that coming on without warning would be massively upsetting to me

The thing is @Hannah this didn't come on without warning.

The OP started watching at the point when The Bride wakes up and looks at her hands. There's a few minutes between that and when the attempted rape occurs.

It becomes VERY obvious what is going to happen once 2 men enter the room and money changes hands. Quite a bit of (admittedly unpleasant) dialogue then ensues before the man climbs onto the bed.

The OP continued to watch all of it until The Bride bites her attacker's tongue off and then asked for it to be turned over. Locking the table door after the horse has well and truly bolted. There was plenty of warning what was going to happen without the need for neon lights on the screen screaming "RAPE SCENE COMING UP".