To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

Why do our other halves always have to be sensitive to our wants?

Just go out and find something else to do.

Don't you notice it Any ?

OP posts XYX

People reply ABC in reply

No one says much

Then you post ABC and people come along with oh yes what any said
I agree Any

Not having a dig at ya but it happens constantly !

The older I get, the less I can handle graphic violence in films. I used to love all the Day of the Dead zombie films, slasher movies etc. I simply can't stomach them these days. I even had to turn Sean of the Dead off first time round I was going to give Kill Bill a shot but after this thread I'm not so sure now! I really enjoyed Pulp Fiction though - went to see it at the cinema twice and I've never paid to watch a film a second time.

We all have different tolerance levels for stuff. My Dad hates anything showing surgery but that's not an issue for me (I work in healthcare). He also hates anything that shows obese people (e.g Supersize vs Superskinny) whereas I enjoy those type of programmes as nutrition is part of my job.

I get the impression from the OP that her husband's 'oh ffs' reaction was an expression of frustration rather than directly swearing at her. I know the OP said they both ask each other to turn programmes off/over but perhaps she's just done it more than him recently. I'm not trying to excuse him, just trying to understand why he would react that way if he hasn't done so before.

Tarantino's films are so violent it's almost a perversion. Violence for the sake of it.

You watched more than one though? You at liberty to choose not to watch Dagenham as are those of us who enjoy his films to watch them. Does that make you or anyone else who don't like some works of fiction morally superior?

stop I just put it down to the fact I am always right

@Dagenham I found the violence in Pulp Fiction comedic, e.g. when Marvin accidentally gets shot in the face. It's the dialogue that follows that does it for me I think.

Weirdly the bit that made me feel queasy is when Mia snorts heroin and gets a nosebleed.

I think it sounds like a very intrusive scene, in isolation, and in your bedroom. Written down it sounds horrific.
Sometimes it's easy to feel like a killjoy when you don't paste on a smile and pretend like nothing matters to you.
I never dealt with situations like this well, probably you should discuss it when you've both calmed down. I never would have though probably because I don't think I really had relationships with people who cared that much what I though (ouch!)
I liked the film - but then I got to watch it from start to finish - it's very violent.

Kill Bill its a great film 😁

I realise I was defending the film upthread (because I genuinely think it's good) - there are many things that are problematic about the way Tarantino writes female characters but I don't feel this is one of them. This is by the by.

I do, however, think the OP was right to expect her feelings to be respected. There's stuff I can't watch, and my loving partner would be sensitive to that and not get cross with me for it.

Sorry to have derailed your thread, OP.

I don't think you can ban tarantino films. You would not BU to find something else to do and not watch it though.

Yes you are. You're not the only person who lives in the house and you need I let your husband have a choice....you could have just said "eww, I'm leaving this one for you and going to bed sweetheart".

The film is kill bill volume 1...

Sarah OP states they were both in bed though, during winding down time?

@Sarahrellyboo1987 they were already in bed!!

Why do our other halves always have to be sensitive to our wants?

Why indeed.

We went to see Kill Bill Vol 1 at the cinema.
I was horrified by that scene, and we left at some point in the first half hour, because, although I'm generally OK with Tarantino movies, the (nearly) rape just put me right off the whole movie.
DH (then boyfriend) was apologetic.
He was even more apologetic after The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo got going. We had no idea what that was about until we watched it. Fucking hell, don't watch that one, OP.
This Is England was also horrifying to watch, but somehow more bearable, despite its realism.

Anyway, op's DH was very definitely being unreasonable. Shared viewing surely requires both parties to be happy with what's on?!

Not in the original post she didn't. I fortunately have enough things to do in my life that i don't read through every comment.
Still, he could have gone downstairs, she could have gone downstairs or she coul have hit turned over an gone to bed. The world doesn't revolve around her...her husband is entitled to watch films he likes I'm sure he doesn't always like the movies she put on.

It's the opposite way round in my house in good with horrors and gorey films and my DP is a complete pussy and loves just the soppy films (I don't mind them...but I want more spice to my life than just Marley and Me!!)

I think your other half is unreasonable to not put you first . Sounds like my ex.I could not have watched that and am a hardened film fan... I do not like Tartypantini apart from Jackie Brown but even that is sickening. I wa watching aseries the other day and they had a guy stripped naked for torture. Oh what fun.
That went OFF. But I will watch if it is not too explicit and a great story.

Why do our other halves always have to be sensitive to our wants?
What?
Because that is part of having a loving relationship.

The idea that partners in a long term relationship might be able to negotiate watching a film together that both are happy with is clearly madness. Crazy to think such a thing might be possible. How dare the OP be upset by a scene that understandably triggers emotions caused by childhood abuse, and how ridiculous of her to think that her husband might give a shit. Nope, totally ok for her to be sworn at, whether she stays or goes.

Kill Bill Volume 1.

It's quite intense in some ways but a very enjoyable film.

Kill Bill vol 1. Love that film. Second one is better though. And less violent.

If you're watching TV together and channel hopping, you both have to agree on what to watch!
Anything else is just selfish!

It's not about the Kill Bills is it though ?

And I agree they are good films

It's about a partner being sensitive to the fact that his partner doesn't want to watch rape and torture in screen when she has been raped herself - hardly rocket science

And yes of course any

So a loving relationship is based on the woman's feelings ALWAYS coming first?

What happened to equality, to compromise, to sharing?

I don't like car restoration programs but I don't stop my other half watching them, I go do something else, like I watch programs he hates when he's in the garden or out.

Sorry but in my opinion, no one person in a relationship should rule the roost.