To wonder why people think single parents sit on their arse if they are not working? it

[malificent7]

So bringing up a child alone isnt a lot of work in itself?

Just been reading the benefit cap thread where someone said that people sit on their arse and still get 20 grand a year.

Im a single mum abd i do work but bringing up kids is the most important job ever ( but only if your middle class sith a rich dp it would seem. If your single then how dare you have kids in the first place )

... And right on cue.

Incidentally, a work culture that is more accepting of part time work, and that allows parents (male and female) to work part time without trashing their career would be nice (as in the Netherlands) and solve a lot of dilemmas. But oddly I haven't seen much of a push for that...

the plural of anecdote is data...

You should trademark that! A pithy soundbite for our times, sadly.....

Cross post with Swing. But seriously- I used to live in the Netherlands where part time is almost the norm there, and tends to be encouraged through the tax system a lot of the time, and it works really well. Women in particular seem to benefit in terms of maintaining employment after work (single or in a relationship) and increasingly men are also working part time after their children are born. Plus the Netherlands comes first in childhood happiness. But here, of course, part time is a "luxury" craved by feckless, lazy single parents.

It comes from the gutter press and a bit historical. It did used to be that if you were a lone parent, you could stay at home on benefits until your child was 16. A family relative did this, and needless to say she never worked again. But this is no longer allowed.

What I never understand on these threads is how a minority of posters don't seem to comprehend that the majority of single mums will have paid into the system for many many years.

They are bloody well entitled to claim when they fall on hard times.

It reeks of prejudice and misogyny that people can't think outside their own ignorance and see reality rather than Daily Mail bullshit.

swing

where on earth did I say they shouldn't support their family ?

But it is far harder for a lone parent who may have no support, possibly with children who have additional needs, receiving no financial help from the other parent etc..

It's an unequal burden and should be recognised as such.

Why on earth would people assume that single mums on benefits aren't also or have been in previous years tax payers in their own right and perfectly entitled to help.

Actually most of the single parents (or LP as no dad in sight) I know have never worked or worked very little.....
One of DDs BF mum has 2 children (one grown). She's 40 and once had a cleaning job and that's it. Child's father is self employed and has never paid a penny.

I don't think the issue with her not working/getting benefits is that she hasn't paid in - it's that she's 40 and never worked and old age is going to be really hard for her if she doesn't do something soon
(I've no use what benefits and for what reason btw)

I do know lots more mothers who are divorced but they all have new partners/children with them so not SP anymore.

Have to admit the single mums I know are mostly in the 'have most certainly not paid into the system for many years.'

Most had their children in late teens/ early twenties. By late twenties they are on their second batch of children with a new partner.

All the single parents I know work full time. The only exception is those who care for disabled children.

The misogynistic view that single mothers are benefits scroungers who have never worked or contributed is an alien concept to me. It's just not what happens in normal life. At least not in my circles.

I think most of this could be solved if we had more Scandinavian approach to childcare and also change in compassionate leave policies in workplaces. Those are the things that often prevent LPs and also other carers from working. But that would require a huge shift in the general UK mentality towards families and carers etc.

Well, I wouldn't fancy a Scandinavian setup myself. It works well in Scandinavia but I can't see it working here.

The system we have isn't terrible by a long stretch of the imagination.

But what we lack are flexible approaches to childcare, we lack any real societal disapproval of non-paying men.

Agree friend.

The attitude in Scandanavia is far more enlightened.

I am a single parent. I work full time, in a well paid job and I do know single parents that are stuck in the part time, low earning trap. It is really hard working full-time with school aged children when after school club closes at 5.30. I often feel very stressed in rush hour traffic...

As a LP, I had my boy with my ex. He was going to provide for both of us, we were not entitled to any benefits.

He left, what else do I do?? Give my child up in case someone judges me for being on benefits??

Nope, couldn't care what people think.

As a LP, I had my boy with my ex. He was going to provide for both of us, we were not entitled to any benefits.

He left, what else do I do?? Give my child up in case someone judges me for being on benefits??

Nope, couldn't care what people think.

In work benefits should be increased & out of work benefits should be stopped?!

This is why people don't help each other.

Help the people who earn money & don't bother with the one who can't!

That makes loads of sense

But here, of course, part time is a "luxury" craved by feckless, lazy single parents.
So are you saying that in the majority of cases, it is possible in this country to work PT and not rely on tax credit or housing benefit? If so, then I agree, of course that is the best alternative, but I think that's hard to leave on part-time wages especially living in the South.

But it is far harder for a lone parent who may have no support, possibly with children who have additional needs, receiving no financial help from the other parent etc..

We're back to where we were a few pages back,making a generality of the exception.

Why on earth would people assume that single mums on benefits aren't also or have been in previous years tax payers in their own right and perfectly entitled to help. Loved to be proven wrong and that most single parents on benefits beyond a few years have paid more taxes in life then they will have taken out (including pension of course).

I think most of this could be solved if we had more Scandinavian approach to childcare and also change in compassionate leave policies in workplaces
You now get 30 hours childcare and working tax credits, seems to be plenty of support to encourage single parents to work. As it's been pointed above, you still face issues with having to take time off work even if you are not single, it doesn't stop these mums working.

It is really hard working full-time with school aged children when after school club closes at 5.30.
It sure is hard work. Been there and the stress is huge, but you do it and so did I and gosh does it get easier once you don't need to rely on childcare any longer. I counted each year but I now rip the benefits.

Work should always paid off. When my kids were still at nursery, I earned £40K and therefore was considered a high tax payer. Sounds great, however, when I took out the costs of childcare, added to the cost of the mortgage (for a modest small 3 bed property), travel to work costs, I discovered I was only £50 a month better off than my friend who was then on IS as she became single mum a year later. This was everything was taken into account.

The thing that kept me going was reminding myself that continuing working FT in a stressful job would pay off one day and indeed, it did, but I had to wait about 12 years to do so. Still I'm not surprise that many choose not to bother. It is not right that someone in a stressful demanding job should hardly have more disposable income than someone working many less hours or not at all.

Swing

Me. Im now on tax credits. Having paid in for over 20 years and never claimed a penny. I'm also going to be stuck like this for a couple of years.

My marriage was over 20 years long so no one can use that argument against me either.
As I said all the single mums I know work and always have done. Disabilities aside. It's just complete bullshit pedalled by misogynistic right wing press.

Willy
If you read my posts again I did say that benefits should be for those who need them to get on their feet. You say you'll have to claim for a couple of years, you're not the type of person I refer to in my posts.

I point to those who stick to only working 16 hours for many years even when their kids are in 2ndary school and have no health issues, or who have children after children and remain on IS for years.

I think being a single parent must be incredibly difficult for a range of reasons, financially and physically, this is not aimed at those who are in this situation through no fault of their own. The earlier comment about the state supporting SAHM with pre school age children so they shouldn't have to work boils my blood!! If you can't afford to stay home then it is not up to the state to enable you to do that!! I work full time and see friends who don't work and on benefits out having a great time, one owns a horse and is out riding everyday, I appreciate this is not the norm but I can't afford to do this, earn a good salary and work full time - that clearly is not right!

I am a single (divorced) mum. I wish I could work part-time (we could just about afford it as I wouldn't be paying as much transport to work, lower tax rate etc), but part-time work at a living wage is extremely rare where I live. We can't live on me working minimum wage work & keep our house. I'm exhausted and have spent years tied to an office chair when the kids are sick, when they have school events, when they've had a crap day and wish their mum was home after school.

From what I've read, Denmark has it sorted. Most parents have a shorter day and leave when school gets out. Their economy is fine.

A lot of people are at work full-time (including single mums) but are not given enough to do (not me in my current job, we are busy but I'd be happy to job-share but they won't allow it). If people were allowed to scale back their hours by even 7.5 hours a week I reckon national stress levels would plummet.

No one outside of your family is going to value the work you do in your home, and there's no reason they should, really - they're doing the same themselves.

I am no right winger but we should all work out whether we can afford to have kids before we have them surely.

I worked bloody hard when I left school. Evening cleaning job. Still going to college. Then once I was old enough getting a second job at a nightclub whilst still going to college. I was left pregnant and homeless and still put myself through uni when DD was little. Had DS. Plenty more jobs in between this time.

Then I had a nervous breakdown and my body had the audacity to stop working as well as it used to so spent last year in ans put of hospital until the professionals put me on enough meds to knock an elephant out, for the sole purpose of keeping me OUT of hospital. One marriage breakdown later and I'm currently a single parent on benefits with the youngest SNs.

Sorry I didn't plan for this to happen and whether I could afford her about ten years after the fact