To wonder why people think single parents sit on their arse if they are not working? it

[malificent7]

So bringing up a child alone isnt a lot of work in itself?

Just been reading the benefit cap thread where someone said that people sit on their arse and still get 20 grand a year.

Im a single mum abd i do work but bringing up kids is the most important job ever ( but only if your middle class sith a rich dp it would seem. If your single then how dare you have kids in the first place )

Raising children isn't a job.

And considering many (single) people both work and raise children, I don't think you're making a valid point.

Info from Gingerbread

mobile.gingerbread.org.uk/info/FactsheetSection.aspx?FactsheetId=26&SectionId=193&slide=1

I think the idea that raising children to the exclusion of doing anything else is a problem - I'm talking about school age children here btw.

Women needed to be home much more in the past as housework/shopping/cleaning was a full time activity
Before washing machines washing could take several days to complete

I think the wider issue is why a lot of young women have children in the first place. My next door neighbours granddaughter had one at 16 with a young lad she was seeing - she certainly enjoys dressing the child up and taking pictures - she seems to have very little interest in her beyond that and dumps her on her parents/grandparents most of the time.
Many of her friends have also had children at a very young age, I can't believe they were all accidents.

I know of several exhs who earn 6 figures, have no contact and pay minimum maintenance.

The CSA could be doing a lot more.

15% of net is shameful given that there are so many loopholes to reduce the net through pension contributions etc. That 15% net is reduced further if the paying parent household has children in it or if anyone is ill or disabled.

There are no increases to that 15% for SEN/illness/disability in the resident household including terminal illness! The only route available to a resident parent is court which is usually financially impossible.

The new charging system penalises the RP which is nuts obviously.

Family breakdown is much higher among families dealing with long term illness and disability, yet the law does woefully little to help the responsible parent left carrying the can and plenty to help NRPs avoid fair contribution.

We are repeatedly told the qualifier to be an acceptable member of our society is to be in FT work, obviously ditching the family responsibilities is a perfectly acceptable way to do that...

you just said that you work full time

Sigh. Yes. But I still claim benefits.

The issue isn't being a single mum. Any non-disabled STAHP who relies entirely on benefits (and don't work) to support their kids are judged. Everybody respects parents (single or otherwise) who work be it part time or full time. Benefits should be supplementary to your own income, not a substitute.

"I think the idea of raising children to the exclusion of anything else is a problem - I'm talking about school age children here btw".

Would you apply that judgement to mothers in families who have never claimed any kind of benefits, RudeDog?

groupie
Actually I disagree.
Benefits shouldn't be needed by anyone other than those who cannot work
The fact that wages are so low that they need to be subsidised is disgraceful and I can't believe anyone thinks benefits should be supplementing businesses who won't/can't pay a half decent wage

you just said that you work full time
Sigh. Yes. But I still claim benefits.

I give up. Just read the thread, and don't take a sentence out of the context where it was written.

The CSA could be doing a lot more

The CSA should be working on the most complex cases. As a society, we have to stop with the mysognistic shite that is the life of single parents

• you married him and had 3 children therefore he can't have been that awful or you'd have left before the first child
• she got the house that he paid for so why should he support his children?
• you should have had life insurance to avoid poverty in widowhood
• it's between them so I won't get involved
• my brother's girlfriend's sister's cousin has 8 disabled children, all in and out of hospital, and she still manages to work 90 hours a week in a factory on varying shift patterns so why can't you?
• single mothers should take responsibility for their children whilst their ex partners work hard and therefore deserve to be happy, creating new families with good, decent women

......

Until we recognise this shite, it won't stop.

yanbu

it's just pure ignorance and often spite. Unless and until you've been a lone parent with no support then you can never appreciate how hard it is.

Comparing it to a SAHM whose husband works away is just bollocks.

And as for a poster who said they'd rather be widowed lone parent than a sahm that just beggars belief. Some people never cease to amaze

It all boils down to misogyny in the end.

Oh and the thing I particularly enjoy is the playground bitches who say 'what a shame you work, your poor children in childcare all day. Don't you feel like a bad mum?'

I agree with you on the whole; childcare is a huge conundrum.
It is for some and an excuse for others. I live in a mid size town and there are childcare providers every street corners and all my working colleagues who've come back to work after maternity leave had no problem getting places. There is excellent local bus provision and trains to cities.

Yet it doesn't stop many single mums relying on IS. It's also amazing how many single mum find work for 16 hours, but not 1 hour more.

If you have children, unless you are earning enough to pay a significant amount of (higher rate) tax, then the state subsidises you. Quite right that it does (in my opinion at least)
If the state has to subsidize single parents for a few years so they can get on the ladder and in a position to support themselves and family and maybe even others at some point, then this is the right thing to do. Subsidizing women to stay at of work for years so that they never manage to get any other job but NMW when they end up with no choice to do so is not helpful.

Yanbu. My DS is starting school this year and I'm currently looking for work after 4 years on benefits. I had to give up both my jobs whenever I had him because he was born with sepsis and had non-epileptic seizures so I couldn't leave him with a childminder.

I was also raped repeatedly by my abusive boyfriend and forced to keep the baby by family when I fell pregnant. But gee, I shoulda seen all that coming right 🤔

Getting back into work is an absolute headache, especially when there's no one else in the world to look after my DS. It is very much just me and him, no financial, practical or emotional support at all.

I can't get a job in school hours - there simply aren't any where I live. And believe me I've looked and looked and looked
I would much rather have not been on benefits for the past four pigging years, it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Turns out getting back into worked I said bloody hard too. It's not called a benefits trap for no reason.

I think what honestly makes the difference is how isolated you are.

As someone said up thread a single parent with her own mum, sister(s) and big family around her (which is normal in many working class cultures) will not always have a tremdously hard life.

willyoujust, did you not notice that that poster actually was a widowed lone parent?

Riddled with autocorrect. Gave up work when I had the baby.

I said = is

it's just pure ignorance and often spite. Unless and until you've been a lone parent with no support then you can never appreciate how hard it is
Many have been in this position, including a number of posters here who are/have managing/ed fine.

It's not because something is hard that it shouldn't be done. Learning to ride a bike is hard when you're 5 years old, yet most parents still encourage their kids to do it. Why is it that because raising a family as a single parent is hard, they should be exempt from trying to support their family?

You really don't need to feel guilty for getting WPA, grobags. If your DH had lived a long life you wouldn't feel guilty when he got his pension each month, I reckon? It's that money you're getting.

But yes the poverty as a result of the bereavement benefit cuts, universal credit, and disability benefit cuts is a horrible triple whammy to many families who are in the situation now that we were a few years ago. My local hospice is increasingly having to make referrals of families to food banks.

I can't get a job in school hours - there simply aren't any where I live. And believe me I've looked
Asking, not judging but is there no after school/holiday clubs at all where you are at all?

Why is it that because raising a family as a single parent is hard, they should be exempt from trying to support their family?

WTF are you going on about? Lone parents aren't exempt from supporting their families. (Men who turn their backs on their children are, however. )

I'm a single parent and it does feel like you can't win sometimes. If you work FT then your kids will suffer because you're not at home enough, if you don't work you're lazy and a bad role model for your kids. You're gonna get all sorts of opinions. I think people ought to mind their own business sometimes.

I work part time 24 hours and I love it but I work nights so I don't have to pay childcare as I can have family help in the evenings. I wouldn't work full time 9-5 at this stage because I'm not paid enough and the childcare cost wouldn't be worth it. It boils down to wages just not being enough to live on.

Also as a single parent you cannot claim out of work benefits when your DC turn 5, you have to find work then. So anyone claiming benefits with school age DC would have a good reason to do so.

I'm not a lp but I have to say I think they're incredible. I cannot imagine having to do everything on your own. Hats off 🎩

Asking, not judging but is there no after school/holiday clubs at all where you are at all?

Holiday clubs - no.
After school club - £40 a week. And finishes by 5pm. You also can't book in for the whole term, you have to do it like a week or so at a time and never guarantee a space.

There are two childminders near me - one only does during school hours, the other is 7-7. The point being that it's bloody difficult. And there's a lot of unknowns with "simply get a job".
And a heck of a lot of costs.

honestly think that she should have state support to stay at home with them if that is what she chooses

I think this would be unmanageable. If you can afford to stay at home, then great but most people can't, so they don't. I don't think the state should have to pay for it.