Things your husband should know..

[ComeBackWillyWillpower]

After 4 years together he still only brings me a fork when he cooks (which is rare in itself)...surely by now he should know that I use a knife as well as a fork to eat?
Every single time I have to ask for a knife and every single time he huffs and puffs about it Tut.

Ohhh, where do I start?

DP, I do not need to know every time you go for a poo. And I certainly don't need to be told, as we're leaving the store/garden centre/where ever we've been, that you're going to need a poo when you get home. Really, I don't.
And please, for the love of Mike, stop farting in front of me. Especially in the kitchen. You don't do it to your colleagues, so why do you think it's ok to do it to me?
The recycling goes in the recycling bin. Not on the kitchen work surface about two feet from said bin.
Don't come into the house from the garden shouting, "Where are you?" It's a two-bed bungalow. How far away can I be?
Your legs are long. Mine are short. Can you really not slow down and walk with me without looking like John Cleese? Either that or end up walking ten paces ahead, occasionally turning round to check I haven't left you?

But, if you can only stop doing one thing, could you please, PLEASE stop saying, "While you're down there..." Every. Single. Time I bend down in front of you? It stopped being funny after the first 100 repetitions, and that was a very very long time ago.

Blimey, that turned into a bit of a rant, didn't it? Feel better for it, though.

Refusing to go in what he classes as my private stuff, even with my bloody permission!
He will put his laundry away if I haven't done it, but leave mine in the clean laundry bin. Why? Because a woman's drawers are private, according to him. What the Hell you on about man? You've seen my clothes on me, off me, on the floor, in the wash bin etc, there's nothing in my drawers but clothes! I swear he would rather set fire to himself than open my undies drawer.
Asking me if I have any cash.
In my bag I say.
This involves him bringing me my bag so I can get my purse out to give him the cash. FGS man, just go in my purse and take what you need! Oh no, can't do that, a woman's bag is private, according to him.
And yes, I do want a bloody spoon and not a knife with my fork to eat spaghetti, the same as I always have for the last 33 years that we have been married!
Bah!
😭

Oh, and you don't need to grab my hand before telling me that its safe to cross the road and walking me across it like I'm some sort of blind mad old lady!
How do you think I manage when you're not with me?

Teutonic, yy about the handbag!! The number of times he's bought mine to me so I can get something out of it that he needs...does he think I've set a bear trap in the bottom of it or something?

Baggy I was brought up by my mum to never go into someone's handbag and so was my DB so we always brought the bag to her if she asked for her purse etc. I still do it now. It's hard to beak those sort of things especially if you've been told it's rude. My DH does it and I love his manners.

Oh and it's nothing to do with it being a woman's bag either. it's just personal.

Baggy Teutontic

I would never go into my DW's handbag or wallet ... I think it's an upbringing thing. I also don't answer her phone unless she asks me to, although there's an answerphone for that.

When I say ' use your imagination' when asked what I'd like for Christmas/birthday/anniversary I mean just that .. preferably huge bunch of flowers, diamonds, exotic holidays etc etc

Not a book voucher or more socks or gloves or anything 'cute' and guinea pig related

Although I should be careful what I wish for, when he did 'use his imagination' he bought me 5 sessions in a floatation tank. He knows I am claustrophobic

When there were two of us, Saturday morning sausage sandwiches required four posh sausages from the butcher, not six.

Now there are three of us, we need five, not eight.

My freezer is full of pairs of sausages I've slung in there and forgotten about.

Same conversation every weekend.

My kids know not to go in a woman's handbag. It's rude.
DH will, if I say to him, 'can you just go in my bag and get my purse?' but otherwise passes my bag.

DP: Hey Affection! I'm going to make lamb.
Me: I don't like lamb, remember?
DP: Do you? What about lamb chops.
Me: No. I hate lamb. I never eat it. FFS.
DP: How about a leg of lamb. I'll make an awesome leg of lamb
Me: It's still fucking lamb!!!

Together 5 years.

Honeydragon beans.

They must not TOUCH OTHER FOOD. They MUST NOT or it will all be tainted! Yes I have a bean ramekin. He jokes about it but remember to use it...?

I hate the way he makes scrambled eggs.

HATE THEM.

I've been pretending to like them for 9 years. I can't tell him now.

Apple Sauce, spawn of the devil and I'm still offered it when I cook a pork dinner, we've only been together ten years

haha squizita I too have a bean ramekin. All hell broke lose when DP forgot about it and splodged my portion of beans all over my full english breakfast

When I first started seeing DH, we were lying in bed listening to the radio and I said, "Oh man, I love this song!", thinking it was something else. I was too embarrassed to admit my mistake and so DH has spent the last 15 years believing that I am mad about this awful song. I would set him straight now but it seems so pathetic after all this time.

That I hate him balling up his dirty socks. Still having to unwrap the delightfully smelling balls in order to wash them properly. His reasoning is that the socks will stay together. Yes but they will be minging still!!

Can we add mothers to this? I have worked the same three days of the week for two years and she still can't be bothered to remember them!! She constantly messages me to say she's popping over Wednesday when that's when I'm at work!! Drives me potty!

That if you put my stuff away and don't tell me where it is that's hiding - not tidying!!! I can never find my handbag or keys where I've left them!

I understand where you're coming from with the handbag, he was brought up with the same view, but when I'm in the middle of doing something it's annoying. Don't get me wrong, in its own way it's good manners, but not when I'm up a ladder with a paint brush or something.
Just the same as years ago when I was bedridden and barely conscious in hospital following major surgery. He brought a letter addressed to me when he visited. I mumbled something about why didn't he open it. Oh no, I can't do that, its addressed to you and it might be something you need to deal with, in a voice so shocked you would have thought that I had asked him why he hadn't burnt the garden shed down while dressed in a tu-tu and wellies.
Quite how I was meant to deal with anything other than my need for pain relief I have no idea.
It turned out to be nothing more than advertising rubbish.

I don't have an H anymore and am unlikely to, but the making you stop what you're doing to get things handed to you is enraging!

I'm writing / typing / putting laundry in the machine / washing up, cunto. Put the drink / keys / letter down on the nearest surface you fucking eejit!

The handbag 'thing' really is a thing, meaning when I am accused of taking the car keys but know I haven't, I take her the handbag and show that they are indeed under the (useful stuff *) in the bag.

@Katyazamo fork and spoon always for pasta! Heathen woman !

It's just necessary for the sauce and for swirling !

And yesss to towel on the ducking bed .