Things your husband should know..

[ComeBackWillyWillpower]

After 4 years together he still only brings me a fork when he cooks (which is rare in itself)...surely by now he should know that I use a knife as well as a fork to eat?
Every single time I have to ask for a knife and every single time he huffs and puffs about it Tut.

I wish I got a knife.
I get a bloody spoon for everything. Pasta with a spoon is not only wrong but it actually makes it a bit difficult!

That if I'm sat there reading the news, don't bloody start reading it all to me as if I haven't seen it when I very clearly have.

The date of my birthday. He always thinks it's the day before. I thought i would make life easy for him by getting married on my birthday & he would only have to remember 1 date, but of course he gets them both wrong now. He gave the wrong date of birth for me to the registrar at our wedding (even though it was my 30th birthday that day!) & we had to get a certified copy of the marriage certificate as the original had crossings out (he got my middle name wrong too). I'm not bitter though

That I hate ice in my drinks, but in a blind panic at the bar, when someone asks "ice and lemon with that?" he cannot remember! We've been together 29 years

That I do not want to listen to him playing his guitar, which is plugged into an amp, in the sitting room or the kitchen, ever. He has a studio to do that in, so fucking use it He cannot understand why I don't enjoy it

My oh is an angel compared to a lot of these-the only really annoying thing is if I'm in another room with an appliance (washing machine, dishwasher) running, he can't realise I CAN'T HEAR HIM!

I'm suddenly VERY aware that somewhere in the land, pp's husband is not getting lucky this morning!

So many of these happen in our house, and I really think I'd always rather live alone. I love the people in my life, but really, having to live with them is the ultimate test.

DH really ought to know that leaving used socks near his shoes makes me want to strangle him with one of them. That leaving things in heaps around living areas is not the same and putting them away (I feel as if I live in a jumble sale), and that now our children are supposed to be learning life skills, it's very difficult to explain why Daddy can do these things and I"m suggesting they dont.

And then he goes and does some laundry and I'm supposed to be so grateful about this that I can live with everything else.

Hate living with other people!

BTW, am wondering which of my non-existent flaws he would write about in an similar thread. ...

If I'm wrapped in a blanket, deep in a book, smiling/frowning/whatever, DO NOT TALK TO ME unless you want deeply sarcastic responses filled with barely suppressed rage.

Don't ask if I want tea (of course I do), just put the mug down and back away. Don't tell me inconsequential bullshit. I don't care. Shut up and leave me alone. I'm reading. I don't interrupt him. Maybe I should.

Also, if I'm playing a video game, don't fucking talk to me in a cutscene. I don't do it to you. Fucking wait until I can pause.

I love the idea of camping but not the reality

My ex husband used to use his hand as a plate instead of a plate at buffets, it was a miracle I didn't self combust. This was after 17 years of me asking him not to do this. I think there was an element of fuck you on his part if I'm honest.

Asking me what's wrong if I happen not to have a giant beaming smile plastered across my face at all times.

The fact that he immediately assumes something is wrong fucks me off, so even if I had been perfectly happy before, the minute he says that I get annoyed.

hahaha I fecking hate that shotsfired

Addendum: and it is "what's wrong?", not "are you ok?".

It's the fact that "something is wrong" is the default he assumes for me, even thought I might just be reading a book or day dreaming or whatever.

My ex husband used to use his hand as a plate instead of a plate at buffets, it was a miracle I didn't self combust. This was after 17 years of me asking him not to do this. I think there was an element of fuck you on his part if I'm honest.*

Sorry, for some reason this has made me actually laugh!

Plates - I have for the last 22 years served up meals going left to right DH, mine, DS1, DS2; I have never changed this but every meal time I'm asked which plate is which!

"Did the girls enjoy their swimming lesson today?" No man, they didn't, because the swimming lessons ended in May.

Apparently I leave the tops off bottles of water a lot. In my defence, half my day is a rolling battle to keep up with 5yo twins so I don't often get to finish a drink in peace before I'm called away. I've pretty much given up on ever drinking tea.

Another one here whose dp eats curry with a fork and spoon....
So i always get fork and spoon.
I need a fork and knife!
Its only been over a decade of Saturday night curry takeaways and he still can't remember!

That I have no telepathic abilities.
No, I didn't know you'd stopped taking sugar in your coffee as you never said.
I also didn't know you'd started taking it again as you never said!
Its no good looking at me all puzzled because I don't know what plans you've made for the weekend. You never said!
No, I'm not going to suddenly bounce out of bed on a Saturday at 7am as you've decided you need to do X NOW and look all puzzled that I'm less than keen.
I don't know what's going on inside your head.

I am fascinated by these fork only men? I must be the exception then, as I always lay the table and hate eating on trays/the sofa etc.

That the front and back doors to the house need to be locked each night.

That when you use the butter, milk, marmite.... etc you PUT THE FUCKING LID BACK ON & PUT IT AWAY!

That just because you've done some washing up, it's not ok to leave the wooden surfaces round the sink / floor in front of the sink soaking wet!

That putting clean washing away does not involve scrunching it up into balls and raming it into the drawers!

That putting your mobile phone down when talking to your wife / kids / anyone really is polite!

And BREATHE!!!

Plant food and slug pellets live in the cupboard under the sink, not the kitchen windowsill. If they are not on the windowsill, it is because I have put them away and not because you need to buy more to adorn the windowsill.

I drink coffee black. I do not like it with milk and will not drink it. I have never drunk coffee with milk in the 7 years we've been together.

Accidental LTB!!

25 years together

'Do you want an orange?'

I'm allergic to oranges.....

Anything to do with Boats is either boring or annoying!

Rebuilding a boat on the bloody drive -bloody annoying.

A hundred deliveries a week of boat building stuff - annoying

Talking about boats - boring

Watching tv programmes about boats - boring

Storing boat related shite in the hall/study/ behind sofa - fucking annoying

Finding a propeller in the bedroom- annoying

But..... apart from that he's rather lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world. If he were to write a similar list I'm sure it'd be much longer starting with my cat obsession.

The bin needs emptying once it is full. Putting something that I need somewhere you need to stretch to get it will mean me cursing you a lot and you getting it a lot ( he's a foot taller than me) I know you hear the kids and are pretending to still be asleep at 6am. Oh and if I tell you that you were snoring you were! Ooh that feels better. Oh one more.. we have a calendar and linked phone calendars why ask me what we are doing when I am at work and have the sameness Calendar access as you!

Same not sameness.. although I may have to find a use for sameness