Things your husband should know..

[ComeBackWillyWillpower]

After 4 years together he still only brings me a fork when he cooks (which is rare in itself)...surely by now he should know that I use a knife as well as a fork to eat?
Every single time I have to ask for a knife and every single time he huffs and puffs about it Tut.

Not knowing which bin goes out on which night and failing spot the hulking big green monstrosity across the road when he leaves for work and thinking 'oh I need to put ours out' and then complaining because the binmen have already been when I leave so our bin hasn't been emptied

The day he caught me dipping a long handled brush into his tin mug that had hot water and fairy liquid in , to clean the stain off the scarpet is the day we should have called it quits.( obviously these things can't be washed!)
Now I'm not to be trusted with anything.
I'm not allowed his really sharp knives, after he caught me using one on a glass cutting board.
The list is pretty long, but I love him to bits and I have my own foibles.

I went ballistic when early in our relationship we went to bed in a cottage and he never locked the door.
The way I went on, you'd think I'd been murdered in my bed. He probably wished I had.
He never did it again.

There's loads.

Mine is fork only too when he's home. Wonder if there are any fork only women?

That getting up five minutes before the other person doesnt mean you do the most work. He seems to think that the first one up is the busiest. Even if they appear to sit on the sofa all day doing nothing.
I never understand why he thinks this, but it comes up in arguments all the time.

"I'm knackered, I'm always the first one up"

Five years together. Dont think I will ever know

That I really can't see without my glasses. No matter how much he says, "But look! Look!!!"

MY PRESCRIPTION IS MINUS 5 I CAN'T FOCUS MUCH BEYOND MY NOSE WITHOUT GLASSES DH!

My ex used to eat a burger with a knife & fork.

When we went to a Chinese restaurant, he would take a spoon with him (in the top pocket of his shirt)

One year for my birthday, he bought me a hideous grass green A-line skirt (I was 22) and a polyester blouse. He didn't "believe" in wrapping, so laid it out on the living room floor where it looked like one of those outfits for paper dolls.

He called me "chap" all the time.

I do not like spicy food so stop trying to force it upon me and calling me a chicken for not being able to enjoy it!! FUCK SAKE!! I don't try to push my love of pasta on you do I?!!

That I have no interest whatsoever in the finer points of the laws of cricket and rugby. I couldn't care less if the stupid batsman did a knock-on in the ruck or if the bloody loose-head prop was out lbw to a googly.

That I'm disabled and he can't walk at 100 miles an hour when he's with me.
That washing needs to be shaken out before it's hung up.

My DP doesn't give me cutlery as his kids wont use it - FFS I've been brought up, not dragged up...

That the Archers is on the radio every weeknight at just after 7pm, is repeated at just after 2 the next afternoon, isn't broadcast on Saturdays, but is on Sunday nights, and the omnibus edition is on Sunday mornings at 10.

I'm an Archers listener. It's been over 20 years and he still can't remember this simple timetable. Nor can he understand that when I'm listening to the Archers, I do not want him to start asking me whose daughter Debbie is, are Susan and Neil married, or some other detail of the plot and/or characters.

I want him to shut up and leave me alone

He really really should have learnt by now that his nightly medication will make him sleepy for at least ten hours, and that this will happen whether he has early morning plans or not.

Honestly man, if you know you need to be out of the house by 8 am, why not just take the meds at 9 pm and have a chilled early night of it?! Why wait past midnight and then spend your entire morning as a barely functioning zombie?!

oh &, if I am lying on the sofa reading a book, (literally twice a year) a moment of pure farniente, quiet, luxury. to fucking leave me alone & not huff & puff like I do it all day every day.

Is he American? It looks so awkward chasing food around the plate with a fork! Got to say that on one of our first dates, the fact that my DH use dos cutlery for me was a tick in the box! If he was a fork chaser it would have been a turn off.

*used his cutlery! My typos are a huge turn off, I know!

Oh ffs! *the fact that DH used his cutlery correctly...

When we run out of mugs and he makes me tea in a cup and brings it to me without the saucer!!! Really??

I was sorting out our dc and he shouted over how do you spell your surname again?

What do these fork only men eat? I use a knife with every meal!

@Sairelou

My birthday. Every time it comes up in conversation he asks me "when is your birthday again?" Or "how old are you?"

@ GolyHuacamole

After 21 long years together he still doesn't know my birthday and yet I'm expected to remember his family's.

You married the wrong fella, ladies..... to make sure this never happened to me I married a chap whose birthday is the day (and the year) before my own. So when I remember his birthday, he knows he needs to get his shit in gear.
Also sorted the wedding anniversary problem by giving birth on the same date: so he knows that DDs birthday = wedding anniversary.

However, I have the same problem as several other PP in that he starts walking away while talking to me - or speaks from the other room and considers that he has given me the information whereas in reality I can't hear it and have the choice of ignoring him ("But I told you") or running after him / leaving what I am doing to find out what the heck he is going on about. And the trouble is sometimes it's really important stuff whilst others he's more or less talking to himself!

That every time he goes to the bar and asks is that a pint or half of lager? The answer will always be and always has been a pint. Why waste your breath asking pal!

He thinks he has a good memory. Sigh.

He'll suggest going out to a pub. "Why don't we go to the Red Lion? They have that outdoor terrace and do that Thai curry you like".

The pub doesn't do food. Never has. Or have an outdoor terrace. Or any outside space at all. And he's actually thinking of the Black Bull. There is no Red Lion. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A RED LION.

That putting your mobile phone down when talking to your wife / kids / anyone really is polite!
and
he starts walking away while talking to me - or speaks from the other room and considers that he has given me the information whereas in reality I can't hear it and have the choice of ignoring him

YY to both of those. They drive me up the wall TBH because now the dcs are doing the same thing and THERE IS NO WAY THEY WILL LEAVE THIS HOUSE NOT HAVING LEARNT THIS NOT ON.

And breathe.

We have loads of discussions about 'monkey sees, monkey does' because actually it drives DH crazy too when the dcs do that to him. I wonder why

That I do no like desserts served in plastic bowls with a teaspoon because I'm not 5!

Agree with million other PPs about rubbish being left next to kitchen/food waste/ recycling (delete as appropriate) bin because the actual bin is full. Empty it and start another bag FFS!

I hope you have found it cathartic to mention these things.

I will go back to playing Mornington Crescent!