Things your husband should know..

[ComeBackWillyWillpower]

After 4 years together he still only brings me a fork when he cooks (which is rare in itself)...surely by now he should know that I use a knife as well as a fork to eat?
Every single time I have to ask for a knife and every single time he huffs and puffs about it Tut.

I've known my partner for 8 years, together 6 and he still struggles to spell my surname when he's put on the spot.
We went to register for something and I was sorting out our dc and he shouted over how do you spell your surname again?

MaQueen My husband is a programmer too and it's hard work listening to him I'm not even a total technophobe and I know the basics of a couple of programming languages but I still have no idea what's he's on about 99% of the time.

Mine should know that if I casually say "Hmm I might text my mum and see if she's free tomorrow", that doesn't mean it's now officially organised, and it definitely isn't time to get our 3 year old all excited about seeing Nanny when it turns out she's working tomorrow and we won't see her til next week!

OK going back to page one but, how do you eat with just a fork? Steak, schnitzel, pork chops make the mind boggle... i'very got a mental picture of people biting one end and shaking their body like a dog!

My husband is one of these fork men! We've been together twelve years and he still asks me if I want a knife, though he knows I does.

Scary that DH does an awful lot of these. I'm obviously a saint for putting up with him all these years.

That I like my toast buttered to the edges, not with a solitary scrape of butter down the middle

That I have no interest in Police drama CIS type tv shows.

DH didn't know my year of birth when phoning the registrar to register our intent to marry - he put me as 2 years older than I was, the cheeky sod.

When I found out, he protested, "it's not like what year you're born is important, is it?" The irony is that he has his own year of birth tattooed on his arm!

We also have a battle with the cutlery. We were bought some knives and forks as a gift but they're really long and heavy and I find them difficult to eat with. Despite the fact I've told him this and we have a gazillion other knives and forks, he always gives me the ones I can't use. I think it's probably time to throw them out.

The other day I asked him to chuck out some old synthetic tulips which had faded on our windowsill. He only went and put them in the gardening bin, complete with the glass vase. Sigh...

That just because he thinks I cannot make tea the way he likes, it doesn't mean that he cannot make me tea the way I like - and therefore shouldn't make me tea!

DH is another knife refuser who also insists on using a spoon for curry smh

He also thinks I know how to use any cleaning chemical, appliance or DIY tool. He asks for guidance every time he needs to do a task. I don't have special vagina magic that confers the knowledge upon me, I read the fucking instructions or watch a fecking YouTube tutorial first.

That just because I am the Donder Of All Things I have no way of knowing where he threw his keys at midnight when he comes home pleasantly pissed from the pub and I'm in bed. Also when in his pleasantly pissed state and I'm in bed I have no interest in a conversation about random topics, because I was asleep and can barely register my own name when I wake up never mind a discussion about some bloke he was talking to about Brexit in the pub 🙄
Apart from that he's fine

Finder of all things. Not Donder.

Roughly where clean laundry goes. Not just which drawers (although this would be excellent), but you know, which clothes belong to which child. Even with name tapes in the collar/waist.

He particularly struggles with hand Me downs. "But this T shirt is DC1's, I've got a photo of him wearing it"; "Yes, but the photo is 4 years old, DC2 is wearing it now".

That I really don't need to have noise around all the time like he does.
He finds it odd and a bit disturbing if he comes home and I'm in and the house is entirely quiet. He ALWAYS asks if I'm ok/is anything wrong?
To be fair, I do have the radio on a lot of the time but sometimes just quite like my own headspace. I find silence peaceful whereas he seems to see it as a bit weird and lonely
He will also absent mindedly turn on the radio on his way through a room I am sitting in which drives me a bit mad. Have started to ask him if he would like it if I came in and turned his radio/music off in a room he was using.

My year of birth, whenever he fills anything out that needs it he always has to double check.
That I don't have butter on bread with hot food but that I do with cold. When making beans on toast he always asks 'do you want butter?' NO!
That I don't like the peanut m&ms
That I like my morning coffee in a certain mug
I thought there was loads but I can't think of anymore now!

BayLeaves he isn't even a feckin programmer. Well, he's a computer scientist by training, but has never worked in that sector.

He writes code for fun and when he decides that available code isn't good enough for what he needs.

There are still days where I can't get our newish TV to switch on...so trying to engage me with coding is a lesson in futility.

Oh, and that just because I happen to be partly undressed, in the bedroom, does not mean I am automatically up for sex. It didn't mean it 25 years ago...and it means it even less now.

@Mammylamb - I was originally diagnosed with labyrinthitis but subsequently told it was vestibular migraine and peripheral vestibular disorder. I've seen umpteen specialists (ENT, neurology, neuro-otology) and tried various migraine preventatives without much success - currently on nortriptyline and pregabalin, with sumatriptan for acute attacks. The vicious spinning is less frequent now but i have constant 'silent' migraine (in between 15 or so full-blown migraines a month) so I feel permanently spaced out and unstable. Vestibular therapy hasn't helped at all. Currently waiting to see another specialist to try botox.

He doesn't put enough butter in jacket potatoes. Ever. It isn't that he doesn't like the stuff, as he always says my jackets are much nicer than his. That'll be all the butter, DH. Try it sometime.

Also, I fucking HATE peas, I hate them so much I used to hide them as a child because the texture and taste made me gag. I will never eat them, so stop putting them with my fucking food "because it makes the plate look nicer"

That if I make a cheese sandwich for lunch it's not because I couldn't see the ham in the fridge or "couldn't open the tuna" (his words not mine) it's because I happen to like cheese and fancied a cheese sandwich. It is not a cue to open the fridge and tell me the contents (which I know because I put it all in there!) nor open all the cupboards to prove we have other food than a manky cheese sarnie (his words). Just leave me alone to eat my cheese sandwich!

My ex would come in when I was watching tv, grab the remote and flick through all the channels telling me "you can watch anything you like, you don't have to watch that dross" erm I was enjoying watching that! Like I say he's an ex.

We had a few jobs to do in the garden, so OH says "fancy a cuppa on the patio before we start" it's a 10 minute job ffs I would rather crack on and have a coffee after it's done otherwise it's at least 30 minutes wasted and then "where does the day go?"

NOISE constant, mumbling, terrible humming, singing nonsense, TV too loud, even when he is snoring, ......the need to tell me he is going for a dump,
The capacity for only doing ONE job at a time, i.e., go to fill up with petrol, come home, then go to the post office, come home, the go to get bread, come home.......... by CAR
Cooks, but never EVER cleans up. then says "it all goes in the dishwasher", IT DOSE NOT, & if it did, why didn't he put it there?
Forcing stuff into the bin rather than empty it.
takes his clothes off & litters them all over the living space
never empties pockets before washing
In fact i'll stop now, as actually I wish I wasn't living with him

I do not like sailing, not do I care about the boat.

I go sailing, make nice noises when he spunks thousands on the boat, because I want him to be happy not because I give any kind of a shit about the boats wellbeing. The fucking thing could sink and inside I would dancing unless I or my son were on it - that's why i hate boats.

Switches! Leaving lights on. Turning the TV on and then pootling off into another room, then asking me what he has missed. I wasn't watching it! He will automatically mute rather than pause if, for example, I ask him a question or his phone goes. Even when we are both watching.

He would probably say "She asks questions when we watch TV and keeps pausing it every 30 seconds." .

What time Brownies finishes. He's only been picking them from there for four fucking years but still asks me every week