AIBU or is girlfriend's small a

[Sillyjelly]

My girlfriend does a strange thing that is starting to bother me, in part cos it makes no sense and it can ruin a good atmosphere.

An example would be I can ask for something simple, like "please will you pass me the mustard" and she'll just say "no".... That's it.

Im always a bit surprised and think shes joking, but once she has said no thats it, I have to get up and walk round her chair to get the mustard, or whatever it is.

This is not when she's busy, or annoyed, we'll be having a perfectly normal time and then she does it. It's quite embarrassing when she does it in front of other people too. It makes us look nuts and they are embarrassed.

It's weird right? It's starting to piss me off and I wish she wouldn't do it.

If you have suffered with mental health, this relationship does not sound like a supportive one that will get you through in the future should you feel unwell again.You don't need this, it shouldn't be this hard.How do you feel when you are with her as opposed to being with your family or your friends?

Msqueen33 It's shit, but I'm well aware of his short comings. I'm in very deep, it would be difficult to get out.

Run now and don't look back.

Lucille I would have dropped the flowers and left him standing there looking like the prat he is. I would have gone home without him and do absolutlry nothing for him until he acknowledges his behaviour and apologises.

That's horrible

I'm wondering how long you were on the anti anxiety meds. Does it coincide with this relationship? It may be more stressful than you realise and whilst you are probably ok for now, you may need then again if her behaviour continues, or more likely worsens. Don't put yourself through it, and well done for spotting it early.

Oh dear, this sounds terrible. Not just ridiculously rude, but acting this way is really not something a good person would engage in. This relationship is not one I would consider taking any further if all of this is not resolved. I'm afraid she is not good for your mental health.

You sound like a good person; don't let her make you think or act differently.

This isn't a healthy relationship OP so it's not a small thing at all.

Lucille you sound so matter of fact it's rather sad.

@LucilleBluth you sound so sad. It can't be easy.

OP please see Lucille's response. This could be you in years to come.

OP please try and put yourself in Lucilles shoes. Maybe you need to see how a normal relationship works. I would do anything for my DH and vice versa. I have nursed him through the worst illness possible when he couldn't do anything for himself. I am currently recovering from spinal surgery and he has had to do some pretty gruesome things for me I can tell you. We agreed to this in our marriage vows. Read the marriage vows please and realise what they actually mean because even if you don't actually tie the knot, long term it is a married style partnership you need so you know she has your back and will support you through thick and thin and trust me, there will be terrible times when you need to know you have her unconditional love, support and help and yet she won't even pass you the mustard - fuck that shit OP seriously she is telling you who and what she is here. Listen with ears the size of Oxford FFS!

My dear, you're in an abusive relationship

Do NOT sell your home

Do NOT move in with her

END IT. Asap.

Oh and the next time you need to have the salt passed to you, say "Pass me the fucking Salt, or sling your hook"

Stop saying please and thank you and start saying "don't let the door hit your sorry arse on the way out"

She's not good enough and she absolutely WILL go on and get violent. You will get hurt and battered by her. Possibly worse.

2 women a week are killed by their partners, 2 men a month by theirs.

I had a friend who used to do this you'd given an option so there was an option not to reply next time say 'pass me the......' don't give her a choice! Though she sounds like a prat me friend did thus when we were 12!

I can't help but think it might suit her for you to be on medication. It sounds to me like her denial of you getting better is her trying to get you to question your mental health. You being mentally ill would probably work well for her as she can keep denying your version of events in a "you're clearly confused again, did you take your pills today?" Kind of way. Then suddenly you're unreasonable and she's a saint for putting up with you.

Please get out of this relationship.

I don't want to derail the op's thread it I will say that if the ops gf is anything like my DH it will be about ego. His is extremely fragile, he would hate to look like a fool but makes himself look like one anyway. I have had countless people tell me that he speaks to me like shit over the years but I laugh it off. It's very difficult to leave when you have kids.

I'm sorry but I also think there are red flags here. If dh asks me for something that I am close to, why would I not get it for him?

How would you feel if your sister or friend were having he same issues with their boyfriend? What would your advice be?

She doesn't love you.

Do not waste time buying a house with her.
Does she have her own money? Deposit?

My DH has form for asking me to pass him things that are closer to him. I find it irritating but don't just say "no", if I'm feeling polemic I point out that he's being daft and can reach it more easily himself.

I'm guessing that this isn't the case here?

I think you need to end it, OP. She is showing contempt for you.

I like Hissy's suggestions.

I suspect she is becoming abusive and it's going to to escalate. It sounds like how abusers start. Her bevahiour is weird and unpleasant.
I'd get out. It's says a lot about who she really is.

SillyJelly
*The gaslighting thing (if it is that) is that I've recently come off an anti-anxiety medication (more by accident than design) and mentioned to her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back on it as,short of brain shocks which have stopped now, I've felt good the last 3 or so weeks.

She replied that I hadn't, that I'd been really difficult and hard work and my concentration has been shot*

Sorry but this is gaslighting. Telling you that you've been difficult and hard works a few weeks after you've come off your anti anxiety meds. It is emotional abuse.

The thing is, she is not going to change her behaviour. Everyone is unanimous in telling you to leave. Ultimately it is your decision, you need to decide if you can live with her behaviour for the rest of your life.

I can't imagine a situation where my dp would refuse to pass me something that was right next to him.

It's the most basic of things, a normal politeness that we should all have and if she is doing this on and off then it suggest she is fucking with your head.

Do not sell your house and buy with her. She sounds like a control freak and utterly toxic. In other words, she's a fucking bitch.

My controlling, emotionally abusive ex used to do something similarish, in that he knew my hearing isn't the greatest and used to constantly mumble and talk really quietly, so I had to ask him to repeat himself.

He didn't do it with anyone else, never quite figured out what it was all about, she doesn't sound like she has your best interests at heart. Gaslighting honestly sends you insane over time. Run awaaaaay

OP I am so sorry what you have been going through. I was in an abusive marriage and what you GF is doing to do you was the same as my husband did to me. It starts small and escalates. Please leave; sorry to say her behaviour will not go away and you deserve better

My mom does this to my dad. It is one thing in a whole host of emotional abuse. Leave her now.

Rude, controlling and unkind. I wouldn't put up with it.