Am I being a bitch - texts at work?

[NachoAddict]

Ok I think it might be me....

My BF has a habit of texting me whilst I am at work If it is important I reply but if its not I just leave it, we will see each other after work and I am not here to chat (I know I am being a hypocrite because I am now on MN).

If I don't reply to his text, that doesn't really require a reply, he will send me another about half an hour later saying - Are you OK babe?

Now if I do reply to his texts he would literally just have an on going conversation all day.

Today he already text me saying have a nice day, how much he loves me etc, I replied saying have a nice day, see you later, love you too.

Then he texts me random stuff, does anything need doing in the house before he goes to work? - I don't know, I am not there, use your eyes?! - I just said No Thanks.

Then more love you's...

Then he texts to say he has finished tidying up now so is going to work.

I didn't answer. Does he want a medal? well done, if I text every time I tidy up I would never be off the phone.

So because I don't answer I get another text asking if I am ok?

I just replied, no a giant alligator has broken into the office and is holding us hostage....

OK so sarcasm was unkind but we have had this conversation so many times. I am at WORK!! We see each other in the morning and in the evening. why do we need texts all day too...

I am a bitch aren't I? he is being nice and I am a horror?

You have to deal with it.

He's not needy. He's a nasty controlling bastard who is only just getting started.

Dump him.

The more you post, the more I am getting worried about you. If I said I was getting a lift from the new guy at work, my husband would say 'that's nice dear' and even if felt a tiny pang of jealousy, he'd just assume nothing was going on, as it never is.

Your guy is Mr Nasty with a Nice face.

His true colours are about to come out very soon now you have resisted his constant texting. I guess it'll be a few days of sulking, accusations, vague threats (like to come to your work).

The fact that you want to break free but fear his reaction says it all. Please just get rid of him, and don't be afraid to get family and friends to help you do so if he gets awful, or even the police/Women's Aid if he continues to harass you, as he may well do.

It's not nice though if it's irritating you...

Oh god I would get rid! That would drive me mad. He sounds like a mad control freak masquerading as a needy boy. I'm a SAHM to a toddler, and I send WhatsApps to the OH several times a day (usually pictures or videos of DD if she's doing something new/cute, or a 'what do you fancy for dinner/please pick up milk on your way home' type thing) but I wouldn't dream of getting huffy if he didn't reply. He often doesn't, he catches up when he has a break and sometimes replies (if I've asked him a question) and sometimes doesn't! He likes to see what DD is up to though (I have checked this, I didn't want to bombard him with baby spam 😂) or i wouldn't bother. Should add we've been together 10 years though, and when I worked too I never contacted him in the day unless I actually needed to.

just text him DO NOT TEXT ME AT WORK UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

This. Have it on copy and paste so it's a couple of clicks.

But I must say I couldn't be doing with someone who sulks if he doesn't get his own way. Face it, if you already think you don't have a future with him, you may as well dump him now - it'll be a nightmare whenever you do it, but the longer you leave it the worse it will be.

he would literally leave his work and come find me.

He's 22 and thinks he has this sort of ownership over a 31 (was it?) year old woman! That is ridiculous. And very alarming.

You don't have to 'deal' with anything. Dump him over the phone if you have to. Bag any shit up he's left at your place and drop it off somewhere. Tell him not to contact you for X amount of time. If he ignores that request (perhaps with a grace period of a three or four messages or whatever, it might come as quite a shock of course), reiterate it and tell him that if he keeps contacting you you'll report him to the police for harassment. And then do so if he does it again. And block him on everything.

Jesus, he's not nice, he's a controlling pain in the arse. Nice people want their behaviour to make other people feel good. If you tell a nice person to stop doing something, they stop. This one sulks and carries on bulldozing your boundaries. Not good.

Stop calling him nice and caring. Stop calling yourself a bitch. He is controlling and will become abusive.
These men always escalate. Contact Womens Aid for a chat and ask about the Freedom program.

He sounds like a weirdo in the making.
People who text inane crap all day long are a nightmare.

OK - you need to dump him.

Tell him:

1. It's over. Your constant neediness is unattractive and controlling. You have no respect for me and I never want to see you again.
2. Let him have one or two replies, but then tell him, very clearly, that you never want to see him again. Block him. Tell him you'll report him for harassment, and follow up on that when/if he won't leave you alone.

Be very, very clear and firm about this. Don't worry about his feelings - he walks all over yours & he needs to learn this lesson for his own long-term happiness.

Dump this man baby forthwith.

As IF you need this level of emotionally blackmailing shite in your life.

You are minimising this op. He's not nice. He is controlling and you are treading on eggshells scared of upsetting him. Scared of his reaction if you finish it. If he isn't abusive now, it's heading that way.
Tell him its over with someone in another room, make him go, then refuse to engage more than the necessary arrangements. Call the police if it turns nasty.

There is only one direction this relationship is heading unless you stop it now.

He would literally leave his work and come find you?

You know what? You're right, he's going to be Captain Dramatic about it. But you're going to have to just put your big girl knickers on and dump this fucker

This is all advice that I needed to hear so thank you.

I replied to his texts when i got home, all was well. Then my male friend sent me a message asking why my boyfriend who he has never met sent him a friend request. It clicked that last night bf asked me who he was after he liked my profile picture. He has tried to friend request hin to check if he has a girlfriend, which he has.

Then I didn't take my phone to the school, Que 3 more texts and then a picture of his thumb all bandaged up. He always cuts/burns himself at work if we have a row. Maybe clumsiness because he is distracted but more likely to make me feel sorry for him and forgive him.

So far when I have been annoyed with him there have been cuts, burns, his friend was in a car crash, his brother was in hospital, his cousin died, he had an asthma attack twice. Anything to make me feel bad.

When you break up with him, dont be surprised if a threat of suicide appears, he clearly has form for "self-punishing" to make you feel guilty. Its all along the lines of "look what you made me do", isnt it?

He sounds a very boring person if he can't entertain himself or make any decisions without consulting you all the time. Do you want this for the rest of your life? If your son was really ill, the school could phone you in an emergency on the work phone . How did we cope before mobiles! Tell him he's allowed one text in your lunch break and refuse to answer any others.

StormTreader just beat me too it.

You absolutely have to disengage and fast. He WILL threaten to top himself and may even have a couple of paracetamol too many.

Not your problem.

He is trying to control you, OP. Why are you still letting him?

That sounds suffocating

YANBU. It would drive me demented. Thankfully, DP seems to regard phones as something that should only be used for matters that absolutely cannot wait until he gets home.

One of the things I like about AIBU is that it makes me appreciate DP - there are so many crappy things he doesn't do, the ones he does do seem like a small price to pay.

Hold on, did his cousin really die and was his friend really in a crash because you seem to imply he lied for attention. Reading your last post, I would have run so fast already. He sounds dangerous to himself and at best, a total mind fuck for you.

He'll probably threaten to kill himself/discover he's got cancer/his parents do/some other grand trauma to make you feel guilty into staying with him, because he's positioned his controlling as being the nice one.

Hes not, he's really not nice.

Op this guy is clingy to the point of being dangerous.

Be careful.

I don't have anything to do with his friends so I have no idea on that one.

I don't think his cousin did die, that probably sounds bad of me but it has never been mentioned on social media and this is an age where someone would have mentioned it, people are always posting RIP messages on facebook.

He said his dad went to the funeral but he didn't because it was in London and he had to work.

His cousin supposedly died in a hit and run.

It's not something I can ring his dad and ask really is it.