Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

[Libbylove2015]

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

. . . . and most unhelpful, pointless post of the evening goes to Chrissy

"Send the baby back OP!!"

Of course the OP's life won't end when she has a child but life will never be the same again and there is absolutely nothing wrong with recognising that and wanting a bit of pre baby time alone with your partner! In fact I would be worried if a pregnant woman was saying that nothing in her life will change and the baby will just have to fit in with their life and routine. Anyone who says that is an arrogant/naive arsehole!
You did right to say what you did OP, emotionally charged or not. He needed to be told. Like a lot of men, it doesn't all sink in for them until the baby arrives as they aren't going through all the physical and emotional changes you are, so some do need reminding. Hoodluck with everything

Goodluck even

Oh my goodness Chrissy- if people don't behave perfectly at all times then all is lost? I think everyone would be single if we didn't understand, forgive and compromise in relationships. We're human!

Well done Libbylove..sounds like a good husband. have a lovely weekend.

FizzyGreenWater is spot on. Its your home, and your needs and wants matter more right now than their fancying getting drunk etc. How can anyone even suggest you go away or accomodate these selfish and insensitive clods? Just ring the guy and say you need to be at home that weekend and do not want anyone around then. Is your husband maybe in denial about fatherhood?
Hope you get this sorted. Put yourself first this time.

Leave it a few days book a cheapie night in a hotel( some good deals) and tell him u had booked it as a surprise and get his mate on board so could he leave it that weekend
Go and enjoy time alone together

Just explain it to him. He's not a baddie, he loves you, he just sees things differently in this one case. Those last few weeks before baby 1 comes are important for all sorts of reasons and one of his reasons is being able to be a bit of a kid with his mate for the last time. But I think your desire to spend it vegging with him are totally reasonable and you should talk to him calmly and explain how you feel - I'm sure he'll come round to the idea. Xx

Oh and ignore that weird comment from Chrissy!!

Dear OP - First of all just have to say that I am FURIOUS on your behalf!
What a total arse your H has been!
I'd be tempted to have a lovely relaxing bath, get yourself some nice snacks in and recline on your sofa in your living room with a romcom on the tv.
Then they can bugger off out.
Also, as some others have said, please don't think that your life will be over once your baby is born. It really won't be. Sending you a big hug. PS - If you decide not to take my fantastically sage advise (!!), then perhaps do the spa thing, get your hair done and go and treat yourself to some nice leggings that fit etc AND a little make up and some treaty bath/shower gel and body lotion. It's important that you look after yourself and feel human. Please let us know how you get on, xxx

Hi again OP!
Have just seen your message about your husband taking you away for the weekend.
He's not an arse after all! Hope you both have a lovely time, xxx

This is a time when you really need to be relaxing and resting especially as if you have a second there is very little opportunity with other kids. I had my 2nd recently at 33 weeks and would have been eternally effed off if my husband had been pissed whilst I needed him to be with it. I can completely understand why you want to enjoy this last part of your pregnancy. Mine got whipped away and I was so looking forward to some time with my feet up and hubby. Feel for you. Life is definitely not over when you have kids but priorities change and his will need to too X

Poor, poor you. It sounds very unfair. However, you want to come out of this without feeling any worse. Therefore you need to go out and do something nice yourself. If you can't afford a hotel for the night, at least you could go out for the whole day, both days to somewhere nice. Rather than fuming all weekend (which you would be justified in doing) say with all the sweetness you can muster that you aren't feeling up the their blokes' weekend so you have planned a girly one for yourself elsewhere. Don't appear annoyed or anything, just go. He was probably banking on you serving on, which would only make you feel even crosser and you don't need a row as it would raise your blood pressure. Please try and have a lovely weekend. I am rooting for you.

RTFT people. OP and husband are away just the two of them!

It's also quite possible that baby will have other ideas about when they are due!

Baby moon lark !!! I have 3 kids and wd love a bit more time with my other half. It is very rare and we are like ships in the night with our jobs and our kids. Some people have loads of help and can nip off for weekends alone but mist people can't. You are right to want time as 2 , OP , when kids come along your relationship does take a back seat and lots of effort required to keep things fresh. Sometimes we are too tired for that effort. So a baby moon is not a bad idea .

Fuck's sake, the OP updated about 2 days ago to say she had got her own way. Can no one read the bloody thread??

Haven't rtft but think yabu. You could have any of the other weekends in July as "the last child free weekend ever", except that our have chosen to make other plans and say the other plans are unavoidable. If you went into labour tomorrow and baby was born early would they still be unavoidable??
I'm assuming not.

Baby could be born at anytime, you could go over and have more weekends free, you could go early and not make it to the weekend you had in mind. Babies are unpredictable. Labour is unpredictable. You're very lucky to be preparing for a newborn. Please just appreciate that for what it is, never mind "the last" anything.

Definitely tell DH and friend to sod off!! This is such a special time for you and you need some quality rest time before baby arrives. Your DH is being selfish. Tell him he can go to his friends house but there is no way friend is staying at your house. Put you're foot down now, your DH has a part to play in your pregnancy too and should be listening to your needs and respectful of your emotions at this time X good luck and enjoy these last few weeks child free :) xxx

BRAAY you've obviously not read the full thread. It has been sorted!!

Got it! leighb23 and OP glad all sorted ! Xx