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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

203 replies

Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 09:44

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
Slarti · 22/06/2017 15:05

Sleep There's a big difference between having a friend round for 1 night and swanning off to Vegas for 10! I honestly think that if having a friend round causes some of the more colourful responses on this thread then that relationship isn't very healthy or equal. As pp have pointed out, it's ok for her to want what she wants but it's also ok for him to want what he wants. Nobody should be lividly dictating to the other what they can and cannot do for something like this.

nurseryvoice · 22/06/2017 18:13

Tell your husband you're still not happy and that you will be relaxing in the living room that evening.
I'd make sure I got to the living room first and put a slushy film on.

Summerlovin24 · 22/06/2017 18:51

I only make up a bed for in laws because they are lovely to me. As far as his friends go he can do it himself. And cook for them....why would I. Not appreciated and it wouldn't be done for me.
Although you should both get to do what you want, you are pregnant and should probably have the say on this one. The older I have got the more I have realised that men are much more selfish than women and this just shows it. Yanbu

buncakes · 22/06/2017 19:02

Lol at ships in the night. We have never spent as much time together as we do with our newborn. You're about to become a family! Anyway I wouldn't be hiding myself away when the friend comes over and I have no idea why you ever cooked for them in the first place.

driveninsanebythehubby · 22/06/2017 21:29

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. Just because you are going to the weddings etc in July doesn't mean that you don't want or need a nice relaxing weekend before a month of busy weekends. For those saying she doesn't have to go, we don't know who the weddings are - they could be close family members for all we knows she also hasn't said it's a wedding every weekend, just that it is the sort of thing that they have to go to. What was the point of him asking you if he wasn't going to accept the answer?

For those that say he deserves one last weekend of fun etc before the baby arrives to go out drinking or playing games - why is it seen that the man "needs" this, yet the woman hasn't had that and doesn't get to have it because she is pregnant. Throughout the pregnancy she'll have been the one driving etc so he's had a good 7-8 months of opportunities for lads nights etc.

I have to say mumsnut that I actually thought the exact same thing - but more in the sense of once the friend is there if they've been drinking after OP has asked him not to drink "just in case" i would be so very tempted to have a few twinges - just enough to make him sweat/panic and perhaps hit home that he's been a selfish twat!

Sadly I do think if he cancels his friend coming now because you say something it won't end up being a very nice weekend. So how about saying to him you are a bit disappointed as you wanted a nice weekend together but perhaps you could do something on the Friday night and/or during the day on the Saturday or Sunday (whichever is better). Or what about asking your DH to have his lads night with his friend on the Friday night which leaves the weekend clear for you two to still do stuff together? Tell him what time you want the friend gone by in the morning. I think that would be a nice compromise.

If you're feeling exhausted on the night, just ask the two of them to keep it down and get yourself a nice early night and get as comfy as you can at that stage of pg with a good book or film etc in bed! And a giant bag of Maltesers. Grin

By the way - your due date is my eldest's birthday! He was 1 week early as he was due on the 7th August. Many congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope the last few weeks go well for you. I highly recommend slush puppies for cooling down in the heat - in my pregnancy with my eldest I spent the whole of July with a diet of a full jelly, 3 Fry's Turkish delight and a slush puppy every day! You just bought back some fond memories!

Mysterycat23 · 22/06/2017 22:26

I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc

Bloody hell can DH not even make a bed? Grin I get why you did it, but seriously, stop.

Second what @buncakes said. You are going to rely on this man to keep you alive, while you keep a tiny human alive. He is going to spend more time with you and more intensely than he ever has with anyone in his life.

Be prepared for many shouty arguments while sleep deprived beyond all reasonable limits. You'll get good support over on the relationships board when you need it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

blondebuddha · 23/06/2017 06:36

Some of you seem to have forgotten what it felt like in that month or so before your first was born, miserable bastards. Telling op she's being unreasonable for being a little bit anxious? Really?

Op, yanbu and far from it. It's your home, your space and your pregnancy and your dh should be alot more considerate. So should alot of other mums for that matter.

Good luck and congratulations x

driveninsanebythehubby · 23/06/2017 08:24

Well said blondebuddha

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 23/06/2017 08:39

I'd tell him no. What if you go into labour you don't want his mate looking on. Tell him at this point when you are about to give birth to his child he can fuck the fuck off and go live with his mate if he means that much to him. Plenty of time for socialising with friends once the baby is here. His mate is also a dick for expecting to stay

Slarti · 23/06/2017 10:27

Plenty of time for socialising with friends once the baby is here.

Lol, what?! Grin

Original poster
Libbylove2015 · 23/06/2017 14:19

Thank you so much all and driveninsane for your lovely long post.

To give you an update - I managed to work myself into such a state with this yesterday that I did bring it up with the husband who asked me why I was giving him the silent treatment (I honestly just didn't want to talk about it while I was working out what to do).

I ended up a mascara stained emotional wreck - evidently he ''didn't realise how much it meant to me - why didn't I say?' and has now cancelled seeing his friend and is taking me away for the weekend instead. I think a lot of this is down to pregnancy hormones because I then had an uncontrollable blubbing fit because my love for the dog (who was licking my tears) overwhelmed me. Wtf!?

I would feel ,but he announced at the same time that he is going to a gig with said friend and others during the week - which is A-OK with me.

So all is well that ends well - thanks for the feedback ladies!

OP posts:
Sleepthief84 · 23/06/2017 14:41

Aw that's nice! Also well that ends well then. He sounds like mine, a good bloke generally bit like most men can be a bit thoughtless and daft. It's worth bearing in mind hey aren't mind readers - something it took me several years and arguments to get in my head! 😂 and don't worry about being an emotional wreck. I was a loon my last few weeks. I cried because I spilled a bowl of Rice Krispies one memorable day. OH had to clean it up (as I sat sobbing on the sofa) then calm me down before he went off to work. I am normally a very calm and rational woman!

gamerchick · 23/06/2017 16:13

Aw he did all the right things, bless your bloke Grin

Sparklyglitter · 23/06/2017 17:30

I would be pissed off too! But I reckon F*ck him! And go and book yourself a day out with a late return! Spend what little you have on it and under no circumstances make them dinner or do anything for them and say have a lovely time, but make it very clear that you will not be clearing up!
Not great though that he went ahead and did this anyway....

Dawnedlightly · 23/06/2017 17:32

There's a better update Sparkly 😉

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/06/2017 17:43

LibbyLove... Ah, the dog-drying-your-eyes thing... it never gets tired and is always lovely.

Good result; your husband sounds nice. Enjoy your weekend away.

Wickedstepmum67 · 23/06/2017 17:44

Gosh, what 'LouHotel' and others have said! Get thee to a pampering spa break, lady, and let your OH sort himself out. 💐

Wickedstepmum67 · 23/06/2017 17:45

Oops, premature post! Should have read on.....glad it's all turned out fine.

Alter · 23/06/2017 17:48

Well it is quite unreasonable for him to go ahead even though you asked him not too. I would make it very clear how tou feel your wishes have not been considered even if it goes ahead. If it is a choice of now or when baby is born then now would be better. The baby years are not as tough as you may be expecting, you soon get into a routine and they do sleep a lot. You can have some evenings out if you find a good sitter too. Good luck with the birth, it will change DH's expectations for sure.

WomblingThree · 23/06/2017 17:49

Plenty of time for socialising with friends once the baby is here

Haaaaahahaha, not according to MN. If he as much as looks at the front door for the next 7 years he will be a selfish cunt.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/06/2017 17:50

Well, I'm glad that he saw sense over the weekend, but I think you're being a bit gung-ho over him going to a gig and possibly getting very drunk there!

I got extremely pissed off with DH when I was 38w pg and he decided to go on the piss with his cousin. Rocked in at 1am (should have been back around 9pm) steaming drunk - and then wondered why I was giving him the Death stare.

I pointed out that if I'd gone into labour he would have been useless to me - his response was that it was ok, he'd have got his uncle to drive me to the hospital. I asked if he thought his uncle was going to stay with me through labour as well?? That made him realise he'd been a total dick and he didn't get drunk again until after DS1 was born.

CherylVole · 23/06/2017 17:51

This reply has been deleted

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AyUpMiDuck · 23/06/2017 18:00

YANBU.
My advice is don't sulk - keep those brownie points -you'll probably need them if your DH is not as emotionally intelligent as you would like ;-)

However do not shop, cook or wait on them or even change the sheets in the guest room - tell DH that's down to him. If weather is good I'd go and have a gentle mosey round the shops with several coffee stops. Or meet up with friends.

AyUpMiDuck · 23/06/2017 18:06

oops not read twt before posting. What a quick result!
enjoy your weekend!

rightwhine · 23/06/2017 18:07

Well you got your own way then - guilted him into giving it up.

Though going to the gig as well would have been pushing it a bit far.