Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

[Libbylove2015]

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc

Why?!! WHY do women choose to behave like 'good little wifey' like this?
It isn't romantic.
All it does is enable men to become lazy, inconsiderate arses who would never even think about doing the same for you.
*How often does he take on the mental and physical load when it's your friends?

It's no bloody wonder he cares more about his piss up with his mate than how you feel - you enable that kind of selfishness in him.
As for not seeing his mate again in ages......ha! Don't be naive!
I can already see him using the 'i need 'me' time' as justification to carry on these monthly piss ups.*

Hmm, interesting viewpoint - when my friends come over he quite often drives out to pick up the takeaway (we are rural) or drives us to/from wherever we are going so I can have a drink (when not pregnant) and if I am busy, makes up the bed. He dogsits her dog if we want to go somewhere.

It's all give and take - I usually cook when his mate comes around because (to toot my own trumpet) my homemade pizza is particularly awesome and I want his friends to feel welcome in our home just like I expect him to do the same (just not this weekend!!).

Not sure an attitude like that makes for a very happy marriage?

Moggle you are right and make a good point - I wasn't as firm as you suggest. It was stupidly hot, I didn't have the energy to start a fight and so after I had protested and he explained that he still wanted to as it was his last chance etc, I said something along the lines of 'well, you know how I feel about it'. Will be explicit next time.

"Hosting guests" WTAF?? 🤣🤣🤣

Two blokes slobbing on the sofa drinking beer is not hosting guests for god's sake. Hyperbolic much?

And Mumsnut are you always that manipulative?

I would sack off the wedding and his friend to be honest. At 8 months pregnant it's your show and you call the shots.

You told him you didn't want ffs friend and he asked anyway! That's not on.

Of course it's not your last childfree weekend ever but it probably is for a while and he should understand that.

Curious about the not drinking post kids though? What's that about?

Op don't worry some posters have very odd attitudes to the give and take in a happy marriage

Unless he does the same for you for weekends with your friends you are being a mug and making a rod for your own back.
Never in 25 years of marriage have I or would have been a skivvy to 2 grown men playing at being boys.

We've had friends and colleagues stay over but dh has had to do the same as me and no way would he expect me to cook, make up rooms etc for his friends.

Well, if you want to martyr yourself, good luck parenting by yourself whilst your manchild leaves you to it.
Why do women still do this in this day and age.

It's a real shame people don't read the ops posts before condemning her as a stepford wife*

gilly

He does do the same for her friends.

You know what sometimes you don't want visitors - and that's ok. You don't need to justify it. Let him go out. He obv isn't as keen on the 'last weekend together' so chill out and relax by yourself

Unless he does the same for you for weekends with your friends you are being a mug and making a rod for your own back.
Never in 25 years of marriage have I or would have been a skivvy to 2 grown men playing at being boys

I don't think he expects it - he would be just as happy eating Doritos and Haribo all night, but I think it's nice to have something home made instead. Generally he doesn't spend time on' boy' pursuits, but I don't mind the odd night of him going feral and getting it all out of his system (when I am not heavily pregnant!).

Conversely, I don't much like cleaning out our chicken hutch, putting flat pack together or renewing car insurance - all things that he takes on for me.

I think there is a difference between cooking dinner and putting a duvet on the spare bed occasionally and being a skivvy? I don't exactly give them foot massages or wash his friends car while they are ploughing through 'The Walking Dead'?

Sheesh!

waitforitdear thanks - good old Mumsnet, it's all part of the fun!

You are only concentrating on the one thing op? Most people realise there is give and take in your relationship as you've made that clear.
What are your feelings moving forward?

I haven't read he whole thread but I don't think you are UR at all! The last thing I wanted when I was heavily pregnant was people in my face when I wanted to slob out at home. When baby comes your man is going to quickly realise (as will you, but you probably already know this as you learn quick through pregnancy I found) that what you 'want' to do comes way down a long list of what baby needs. Yes you do get back to a normality (or rather, create a new normality) after a while but you still can't just steam on ahead and do whatever you please without considering the rest of your family first. If I were in your position I'd be telling, not asking him to cancel the plans and if he didn't I would! If the friend turned up regardless I'd say I was very sorry but now wasn't a good time and send him away. Seriously.

I agree with Betty. It sounds like you're going to be doing a fair bit of stuff together in the next few weekends...

...and I really would let him have this weekend with his mate now rather than after the baby's here!

It actually sounds to me like you have a nice amount of balanced give-and-take with friends.
Doesnt mean that you arent allowed to claim "exceptional circumstances" and ask them to have this meetup elsewhere.

At 8 months pregnant it's your show and you call the shots.

I don't understand this....

Just because a woman is heavily pregnant doesn't mean that everyone has to do what she wants... Yes, it's tiring, but pregnancy is not a serious malady.

It actually sounds to me like you have a nice amount of balanced give-and-take with friends. Doesnt mean that you arent allowed to claim "exceptional circumstances" and ask them to have this meetup elsewhere.
But the op is not considering these compromises in her answers. I think she just wants him to stay at home with her, which I think is really unfair.

No one said it was a serious malady did they?

However it's not a picnic and is it so awful to just show a heavily pregnant woman a modicum of fussing and suppprt? Really is that so hard?

It's really unfairof a heavily pregnant woman with her first child to want a quiet weekend with her dh?

Bloody hell.

No, it's not a picnic, but life isn't a picnic. And compared to a lot of other things in life, pregnancy is - for a great many people - not that hard really.
It sounds like a "modicum of fussing and support" means the other person abnegating all their own desires/plans.
My DH went on holiday overseas for a week when I was 36 weeks pregnant.
I can tell you - I found being 36 weeks' pregnant, with just myself to look after, a hell of a lot less exhausting than looking after a newborn, then a toddler.

There is a lot of the weekend. Plenty of time to spend time with the op and spend time with his friend. Most people are in agreement that they should go out or leave her in peace at home.

I really really don't understand these people who can't operate unless they are spending all their time in each others pockets. His freedom is about to be curtailed. Better he see's his mate now than just after the baby is born. If not this weekend then when will be the next time. They are busy every other weekend and then will have a new born when he really would be unreasonable to leave her for a while if she didn't want him to.
And something makes me suspect she won't want him to then either...

Beside she's already said she's left the last weekend free as well for them to have a "baby moon" at home.

you can make an effort to socialise with other people, but you want him to do what he's told.

Have to agree with this, sorry OP. I don't necessarily think YAB massively U but I do think the "last weekend" thing is a bit overdramatic and maybe you are making a bit too much of it, which is entirely understandable in the circumstances, but could be unfair on DH who it seems will be socialising with you quite a bit (as well as spending the foreseeable future spending time with you in your new dynamic as family) and who probably wants to see his friend for the last time in a while.

I think a lot of the posts on here saying things like "I'd tell him in no uncertain terms... it's not an option... I'd be livid if mine tried that" don't sound like healthy, equal relationships.

We're talking about a couple of blokes having some beers and playing videogames. By all means tell them you're not going to be running around after them but all the "last child free weekend together ever" stuff is incredibly dramatic and frankly a load of bollocks. It's his house as well, and if he wants his mate over then that's his prerogative.

I don't know about that Slarti. I would have put my foot down over this and we have a very healthy equal relationship. My OH is, in general, a very considerate, sensible man and a wonderful Dad. But even he is just plain daft sometimes and I have to reign him in a bit. Our DD is 14 months now so our lives are 'normal' again, we socialise together and separately, he goes away for the odd weekend here and there and we've been away once together overnight (I haven't been away on my own overnight but that's my choice, he'd have no issue with it) . But for example he came home the other week and said he'd like to go to a festival with his mates. No problem I said, thinking it'd be a weekend somewhere here. Then he announces it's a ten day job in Las Vegas. Las bloody Vegas! I told him in no uncertain terms that wasn't happening - when I explained it was a bit selfish of him to swan off for ten days leaving me to do everything here on my own with a hurricane toddler plus he'd be using most of his available annual leave which is put aside for a family break he saw my point. He just hadn't thought of it like that.

we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

It's not even the last weekend if the baby doesn't arrive early.

I think yabu sorry. Your life does not suddenly end once the baby arrives and you've said yourself that July will be packed with events which means you are obviously up for socialising. Just because the events are weddings does not mean you have to attend anyway.

I'm 38+ with our 3rd and oh will be working every weekend up until I give birth and works shifts so we rarely see each other and will be using his paternity leave for quality time, if he happened to have a free night and wanted someone over I would take myself off upstairs for my own movie and snack night.